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Intensity
The tears poured off her eyelids; slid down her cheeks; fell to the floor. Slowly she sank to the ground, trembling slightly. Her breath came in deep sobs, wracking her chest. She barely had enough air. She did not hear the soft footfalls coming ever closer. She did not see him as he sat down next to her. She did, however, feel as his arm wrapped around her shoulders. Turning slightly, the girl buried her face in his shoulder. Her friend held her tighter, resting his head in her soft chestnut curls.
The two of them sat that way for what felt like hours; the girl sobbing loudly on the boy’s shoulder, the boy holding her quietly, steadfastly. Finally, the girl released her last tear. She looked up at the boy, eyes red from crying, cheeks flushed. He turned to her, a small crooked smile on his lips. To the girl’s surprise, tears were slipping down his face as well. “Why are you crying?” she asked softly, voice cracking. The boy considered the question for a second.
“I am crying because you are crying,” he replied truthfully as yet another tear trickled down his handsome face. His smile was still there, unwavering.
The girl stared at him with wide eyes. He stared back at her. A chill like an electric current flowed through both of them. The air around them tingled with static. Slowly, as if pulled by some invisible force, the two teenagers moved closer. Their faces were within a hair’s breath of each other’s. “Why me?” she whispered. “Why did you choose me?” Her eyes darted back and forth, looking for an answer written on his face. “You are the only one who’s real. The only one out of all those girls who knows what it means to truly love someone. Even though he broke your heart, you just keep going. I like that. I think… I think I may even love that.”
His eyes gleamed with a passion long suppressed. “I think I may love you.” His sweet breath lingered on her lips. The girl’s heart began to beat frantically, as if trying to keep up with her rapidly changing emotions. “I think I may love you too,” she admitted.
Without meaning to, the girl shut her eyes. The two leaned even closer, closing the gap between them. His soft lips pressed against hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and his arms coiled around her waist. The kiss deepened.
Gently, they pulled apart. Both were smiling softly. “Thank you,” the girl said under her breath, so quiet that the boy sitting right next to her wasn’t sure he had heard her at first.
“For what?” She stared deeply into his eyes. He held her gaze, reciprocating the intensity. “For giving me a reason to live again. For saving me from falling.”
“Anytime. Thank you, too. Thanks for letting me in. Thanks for not pushing me away.”
At the same time, the two teenagers said, “I love you,” sealing their fate.
The two leaned in closer, their foreheads, then lips, pressing against the other’s.
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This article has 377 comments.
I agree with some earlier comments about the rush, maybe it wouldnt be that much. Maybe it would be that he said i love you and hugged her close and she looked up into the eyes of his face and said she loved him too and then it could kinda fade away, i picture it like a movie seen with a zoom out as he kisses her on the top of her head, and she expresses the funny little surge in her heart. the hope she saw through her tears that it could still go on.
speaking of, the momentum was lost in the ending. it just. stopped.
either way, these are getting nitpicky- but this is still really really good. i like the story its unique but still super sweet :)
I must agree with the person below me. It's a lovely story and your writing style is certainly better than many I've read on here, but everything was rushed, and....well....as lovely as it would be, things like this don't really happen in real life.
I'm not sure 'steadfastly' is a word.
When a separate person speaks, make a new paragraph.
Also, the ending...I'm a sucker for happy endings, I'll admit it, but I like happy realistic endings. The way it was phrased, with them 'thanking' each other, then saying they loved one another and 'sealing their fate'...it was very cliched. On another writing site we discussed cliches very much, and this is the sort of thing that most of them would disapprove of quite a bit. Cliches can be wonderful, if done right, and you certainly did this one well, just watch out for those.
Sorry if I sounded harsh:P I'm just trying to help people improve. This really was a well-written story, though.
P.S.: I reply to everyone too;D
But thank you so much for the comment!!! :D I'm glad you liked it, and thanks for the approval of detalis and word choice! <3 Thanks again!!!
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