I was a girl of five
Young and unknowing
lost in my own made up world
Stuck in hellish land

To the mall we are going
To dad’s friends
To grandma’s house we head
Lies

As my falling apart shoes crunch on gravel
The darkness of the night
Paired with a painted moon
My pale fingertips lace against a wire fence
My knees brush against the growing weeds
A calm silence washes over me
And the rusted cars
And the broken bottles
And the cigarette duds
And I see a flower amongst the devastation.

My little hands pick it up
“Look mom, a flower!”
Her blue eyes black in the night
Shaded by the light of hell fire
Painted over with despair
At how unaware my child’s self is
“Get in the car, we are going somewhere fun.”
Lies

My sister and brother
A baby and toddler
Sleep next to me in the back seat
Mom and Dad upfront
Blocked from me, separated with a broken seats
My eyes are not on them
They look over my siblings
Out the window above them

The rain slashes past us
Or we past it
A blue, green, black downpour
Glittered with the orange lights that pass

Rain trickles down from the corner
Pooling on the seat
My reflection smiles at me
A smile in cold misery
My flower falls from my hand
And floats
In the growing collection of
Dark blues, greens and blacks
And slowly freezes over
With a flower and a child’s smile