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Untitled
I come back to you
hoping you will overflow my cup
as if there was any oil to begin with.
My feelings for you are so conflicting-
perhaps clarity is trapped in the gutter of my adolescent mind.
I can say I love you more than the ones that have come before,
but can I truly say I love you?
I adore the glares and gazes
when they see us on the busy downtown roads
I adore the way your fingers dance on my skin-
I allow each cavity in my mind to be filled by your memory.
Yet, I can never be comforted by your voice,
or look at you with sympathy and adoration.
Am I shallow? Do I use you to fill the gaps in my heart
that have grown each moment I am in this city?
Oh,
It is all in the gutter of my adolescent mind.
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I wrote this about a partner I had. I had moved to a place I hated and got to know this boy. When I was with him, I couldn't bring myself to truly love him- he was really more of someone to be with when I was lonely. He didn't know how to comfort me, or make me feel better when I was homesick. But I didn't leave. It left me with an overwhelming guilt everytime I looked at him- I didn't want to use him, but I couldn't live without him even though I didn't love him.