You’re one of those uncles who never come around

But here you are un-announced 

And so god d*mn loud,

You just shout the news you’ve found

And leave.

My stomach twists and turns, tumbling, threatening to bring up my dinner.

I feel my eyes widen like a deer in headlights,

I am so d*mn frightened.

And it’s raining inside

But the rain is warm and

When it hits my lips I realize it’s not rain at all.

Everything is blurry and it’s hard to breathe

I collapse to my knees

And I clean.

I scrub as if making the dishes, the counters and the walls sparkle will make everything better…

He’ll come home where he belongs, for Thanksgiving and for Christmas.

We’ll joke and laugh so hard we cry

And maybe then he won’t want to die.