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He Murdered for Her
October 12, 2011
Summary:
Tomas Hartley want's Vanessa's baby. He'll even kill to have them both with him. That's just what he does. He murders her mother and father then tries to get Vanessa to fall in love with him. It's a story about love, murder, family and crazy people.
AngelsLullaby
He Murdered for Her
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This book has 12 comments.
Kaitquincy said...
on Oct. 16 2013 at 1:01 pm
Awesome! Wow this was amazing
Timekeeper DIAMOND said...
on Jan. 18 2012 at 5:17 pm
Every once in a while the sentences ran on a little too long. Other than that, I loved it! I am definitely looking forward to a sequel!
AngelsLullaby GOLD said...
on Jan. 16 2012 at 1:11 pm
Thank you :) I think I did better in my second book called "The Devils Rose." But thanks for your feedback :)
I really enjoyed reading this :) You have wonderful ideas, and a brilliant storyline. I would suggest that if you do a sequel, to pad out the chapters more, and to not make some actions or what the characters say so cliché and expected. Try to put a spin on it, but don't make it obvious. Describe actions more, so the reader can see exactly what they're doing or thinking. Other than that, I completely loved it, some moments where I could relate to the main character. I would definitely love to see a sequel, you've created a fan in me :)
PinkSkittlezInMahMouth said...
on Dec. 4 2011 at 3:26 pm
no fense but i dont undestand emri's "critique"
AngelsLullaby GOLD said...
on Oct. 13 2011 at 3:44 pm
I've never really thought of starting with the subject as a bad thing. But thanks for the tip. And I wasn't aware there were spelling errors or grammar problems. Though the spell check got that all for me.
I love the plot here. Dude, it's awesome. Or, dudette. But as critique, you seem to always start with teh subject, then the action. Some diversity in this pattern would be nice. And some description in between actions. I'm not gonna tell ya about grammer or spelling, cuz, well, that's just easily fixed with Grammer Checker. I hate it when people critique me on teh grammer.
AngelsLullaby GOLD said...
on Oct. 13 2011 at 2:14 pm
Thank you :)
Will be working on the sequel soon :)
