Who are you? | Teen Ink

Who are you?

July 25, 2011
By FrownMonaLisa SILVER, Arlington, Texas
FrownMonaLisa SILVER, Arlington, Texas
5 articles 0 photos 18 comments

Favorite Quote:
Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened


Big city lights, that’s what I want to see someday. Be famous, that’s what I’m going to do. No one will stop me. People will be screaming my name “Kat, Kat, Kat, Kat” Stadiums filled with people just to see me. Like a real big shot. Yeah that’s how imma be. So just sit back and watch me take over the world!!
That's what Kat had in mind until the day she was mysteriously killed. The killer is still on the loose and a man who is believed to be the murderer is about to be tried guilty. Welcome to the life and times of Katrice Santiago, a teenage girl who met a horrible end.

Kayla S.

Who are you?

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This book has 3 comments.

on Aug. 2 2011 at 5:07 pm
ShyWriting42 BRONZE, Mesquite, Texas
3 articles 0 photos 41 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure...We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God."

The style you used to right this works really well for the story. I think it could have flowed a little better, but the plot is really interesting.

on Aug. 1 2011 at 2:02 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1646 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Okay, this has a good concept, but I have some criticisms:

1.  Please proofread your work.  You have misspellings, improper punctuation and errors in grammar.

2.  Dialogue goes on a separate line, especially when there is a new speaker.  This helps to avoid reader confusion.

3.  Don't use double, triple and sometimes quadruple punctuation.  "Oh no!!!" is a juvenile way of conveying excitement.  If you use your exclamation points sparingly, then you don't need three in a row.  The same goes for question marks.

4.  Introducing a bunch of names in the beginning is confusing for readers.  Make sure that your main character has one name that everyone calls her and/or a nickname her close friends use.  The same goes for other characters, but they should really only have one name.  This avoids reader confusion.

on Jul. 31 2011 at 11:51 pm
just-another-url GOLD, Cannes, Other
16 articles 6 photos 151 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It's a good thing to be strange. Normalness leads to sadness." -Philip Lester

This is sooooooo great, please please please write more !!!