I paced around in my small, one bedroom apartment that smelled of moldy cheese and sweat, debating what time I should leave. The carnival started mid afternoon and it was still only half past nine. I plopped myself on my deformed, vomit green sofa, causing some of its guts to spew out of its open stitching. Note to self: get that fixed. I fidgeted impatiently, twiddling my thumbs. Maybe I’d go down to work for a bit, that way Winnie wouldn’t think I was ditching my shift again.
The familiar pleasant chime of the door and the wonderful smell of coffee welcomed me as I walked into the homey café. The brown walls were covered with art work of places in Italy and the chestnut wood chairs were accented by hand painted vines growing up the legs. People were already enjoying their sweets and daily coffees as I walked across the room and into the tiny staff room. I grabbed a smock from the beat up, wooden pegs and tied it loosely around my waist.
“You’re late again, Landon!” Geraldine scolded me from outside where she was taking a smoke, distaste clear in her itchy voice.
I quickly picked up my pace and hurried to the counter, finding Winnie preparing drinks for an elderly couple. She politely moved passed me as she handed the drinks to the aging woman, exchanging it for the money. They gave me a delighted smile, dentures and all, and took their time to get a seat by the windows.
“You’re making me work extra hard when you’re not on time, Landon,” Winnie said turning to me sweeping away some of her blonde hair away from her eyes, her pleasant voice showing little anger despite her efforts.
I smiled; something I learned melted her heart every time, “I’ll be here on time tomorrow.”
She took more orders, as I prepared and handed them to the people, “You better be, or else I’m going to tell Geraldine to fire your sorry ass.”
“You know you wouldn’t be able to bring yourself to do that, Win, especially since Frank and Sophie are here less than I am,” I said chuckling, “but I’m going to be taking off early again.”
“Do you really have to go to that stupid carnival every single day?” Winnie complained, her round amber eyes piercing my conscience.
I stared back with annoyance, “Yes, Winnie, I do.”
“But it’s just a dumb carnival that has the same stuff every year, what’s the point?”
“You don’t understand, it’s not just a ‘stupid carnival’ to me,” I retorted angrily.
“Okay, jeez, calm yourself,” she said weakening, her lip quivering slightly. I exhaled through my nostrils trying to get a grip of my awful temper.
“I’m sorry, Winnie.”
We continued for the next hour in silence, going through our motions of working the register and preparing drinks and sweets. I continually checked my watch, debating when a good time to leave would be. Winnie clearly took notice of this, but tried to hide her attentiveness behind her blonde locks. I could tell it bothered her, but it was difficult not to check the time.
“Why don’t you just leave already?” she asked in a quiet, bitter voice. “I’ll tell Geraldine you were feeling sick again.”
“Thanks Win, I owe you.”
I decided to change into a pair of faded jeans and a tight navy t-shirt before I went to the carnival. It was already starting to get crowded when I parked my Dodge pick up truck in one of the grass spots and got out. I looked at my piece of junk with distaste. The fenders were beginning to rust, and the truck wheezed when I drove it. It had been my dad’s and it was just something I couldn’t bear to give up, no matter how old the thing was getting. I walked around aimlessly, people watching like always, until I got to the little stand Mae worked at. To my dismay, it wasn’t Mae working the stand, however. It was tall girl, with a larger built structure, chewing blue bubble gum obnoxiously and picking off her already chipping maroon nail polish. Her fiery orange hair was tied back in a loose pony tail which accented her college football sweatshirt and baggy jeans. She finally looked up after I stood there scrutinizing her for a minute, more or less.
“You want to play or something?” she asked moving out of her slouched position to seem more presentable.
“Not really. I was actually wondering if you knew where a girl named Mae is. She worked at this stand last night, and I had arranged to see her today,” I asked as politely as I could, which truly contradicted the way she talked to me.
“Well Kal told me to work at this stand instead of the potato sack races today. What’s she look like?” asked the snob with another munch on her gum.
“Gorgeous green eyes, wavy dark brown hair, um… thin nose and small mouth, really—“
“Alright, I get it, lover boy,” she said cutting me off rudely, “I’ll see if Kal has seen her around at all yet.”
She got out of the stand and began walking towards a water gun booth where a gruff man with a full beard was shouting boisterous things to get people to come to his game. I hesitated, not knowing whether or not I should follow her. They began talking and she pointed over at me a couple times, until man with the beard disappeared and the snob took over his stand.
“Mommy, I want to get a fishy,” a young voice said to my right. A pregnant woman was holding a little boys hand as he pointed at the empty stand.
“Excuse me, young man. Do you think my little boy can give your game a try?” she smiled kindly and her son looked at me eagerly.
“I don’t… well… um, of course, hold on.” I scrambled into the stand grabbing a basket and handed it to the little boy who could hardly see over the counter. He began getting fussy and complained that he couldn’t see, so the mother kindly kneeled down and let him use her leg as a stool. The little bugger got four balls in the fish bowls.
“So can I have my fish now?” he asked when I took the basket from him. “I want the really big ones.”
I smiled, remembering what Mae had said when I said that. I went over to the fish tank and got four of the smallest little goldfish I could find and handed them to the mother and the boy. I could hear him complaining loudly as they walked away. More kids became coming after they saw the little boy with his fish.
Granted, I didn’t mind the work since I loved the carnival, but I started to get very impatient because I just wanted to see Mae, and The Snob still hadn’t come back with her for the past hour and a half that I’d taken over the stand.
I had just stood up to hand a middle aged man and his wife a basket when I was tapped on the shoulder. I turned around and jumped when I saw Mae behind me. A ping pong rainbow flew from the basket from my sudden jerk. I hastily picked up the dropped ping pong balls and handed them to the couple.
“Where have you been?” I whispered to Mae, a slight amount of annoyance thrown in.
“My cat puked on my carpet,” she replied dryly, “it was real nice to clean up.”
My lip curled in repulsion at the mental thought I had created.
“Well I’ve been working your stand for you, and there—“
“I can clearly see that you have been working in my stand, considering you’re standing inside it.”
“I was just trying to help since you weren’t here.”
“I don’t need your help, Landon; I don’t need anyone’s help. You men are all the same, trying to help me like I’m some insignificant little child,” she retorted harshly.
I was speechless. What had I done wrong? Maybe I should’ve just stayed at work and helped Winnie after all.
“Well since you’re here, take over then. You’ll need to go to that pet store, for the record,” I retorted.
“Fine, then, I will!” she hissed.
“Good.”
“Where are you going?” she asked, the sarcasm weakening a bit.
I circumvented her question, too annoyed to respond, as I pushed her lightly out of my way as I exited the stand.
I wasted a good couple of hours lazily going through the carnival over and over again. I went on the bumper cars at least three times, the carousel only once thanks to some snotty nosed baby beside me that got boogers on my arm, the Hurricane twice -almost puking the second time-, and the Lunatic and Ferris wheel five times each.
I avoided the area where Mae was working because I was still annoyed with the way she had acted. I mean sure I might be a little pissed if I had to clean up hairball throw up, but she didn’t need to take it out on me. I went over those thoughts a million times in my head as I sat slouched over on a plastic bench next to a pathetic excuse for a clown, who persisted in jabbing my side with a balloon sword.
“Landon? Is that you?” a familiar, pleasant voice asked. I looked up to see Winnie, holding on to an oversized, furry pink gorilla, munching on some kettle corn.
“Win, what are you doing here?” I asked, completely surprised.
“Geraldine let me take off early because she forced Frank and Sophie to come in for once. So I decided I’d try to find you here. Besides, Nathan has been bugging me to take him here,” she looked at her eleven year old, adopted brother who was throwing darts at balloons in the stand next to me and the clown’s bench.
“Well it’s good to see you out for once,” I teased, standing up, instantly towering over her.
“I’d punch you if my hands weren’t full,” she said sticking out her tongue. I took the gorilla from her, as she gave me a short punch to my bicep. I pretended to cringe in pain, and her voice jingled with laughter.
Winnie and I had been friends ever since I can remember. She lived a couple houses down from me when I lived with my mom and dad in a tiny suburb. When I was seven, my parents divorced, and I lived with my dad in the house while my mom moved to somewhere out west. I stayed with my dad till the very end.
One day, my dad and I were just watching some college football on the television when he suddenly began complaining that he was extremely dizzy, lightheaded, and that his body began feeling numb. As he was trying to tell me these things, his words became slurs and before I knew it he stopped speaking all together. I rushed from the couch, to his leather recliner. I had no idea what had just happened. I pressed my ear to his unmoving chest for a heartbeat and when I didn’t hear it, I desperately tried CPR in between blatant sobs. By the time the EMS came it was too late to do anything for my father. They declared to me that he had suffered a massive stroke. When they tried moving his body, I refused to let go of him. I held his hand, which was still warm, though the heat was slowly fading. “Come along, son, we need to get him to the morgue,” one of the EMS said to me, as she tried to gently ease me away from my dead father. My temper flared as I sucker punched her square in the jaw, there was a loud crunch, and I was immediately taken down by the other EMS. I began crying profusely, as I let them overcome me. I broke a couple knuckles in my right hand, and left a good sized bruise on the lady’s face.
That was when I was sixteen. After the funeral procession was over, I promised my dad I would visit him on his birthday every year. I also vowed I would join the army when I was seventeen, something he had always wanted to do when he was younger.
I tried my hardest when I was fighting in Iraq; I fought for my dad’s sake. When we invaded Baghdad, we were met by heavy defense. I was hit twice, in my right arm and shoulder. My dear friend Conrad, managed to keep me with them when we over powered the Iraqis. I was later taken in a recovery room, but I was useless to them after that, so they sent me back home where I had no one.
Winnie and her family took me in graciously, and helped care for me until I recovered. I didn’t want to be a hassle for them, so insisted on moving into my own apartment, which they helped pitch in for. I don’t remember it being as shabby as it was now.
“Earth to Landon, we still have to go on some more rides. Do you want to come?” Winnie’s voice said, bringing me out of the memories.
“Of course,” I said, with a half smile.
“Is something wrong?” she asked, her little brow creasing with worry.
I threw my arm around her shoulders casually, and tried to give her a wide smile, “Why would there be? I’m with Winnie the Pooh!” She smiled easily, the worry wiped clean from her fragile face.
We tried every game and ride they had at the carnival to please Nathan’s every need. To my dismay, however, when we were heading out to leave, Nathan saw Mae’s stand. I looked reluctantly at her stand, to see her eyeing Winnie and I.
“I’d like a large bucket please,” Nathan asked when we walked over to her stand. She retrieved it for him, and continued watching Winnie and I as Nathan threw.
I tried my hardest to seem preoccupied in the dimming sky and its changing colors of orange and lavender.
“Have you really stayed here the entire day?” Mae finally asked, forcing me to look at her.
“Yes, I have, and it’s not because of you.”
“I see.” Mae leered at Winnie, who’s eyes darted from my face, to Mae’s, to the ground. She was gnawing at her lower lip, a habit she had when she was uncomfortable.
We were suddenly distracted by Nathan’s shout of excitement, “I got six in, Winnie, six!”
Winnie gave him a dimply smile, to show she was proud of him.
“Does that mean I get six goldfish?” Nathan asked, looking at Mae with anticipation.
“I don’t know if I can give you six,” Mae said apathetically, “I need some for the other kids.”
“Come on, Mae, he won six goldfish, fair and square,” I answered for Nathan.
“Fine,” she said stubbornly her beautiful emerald eyes glaring into mine. Once Nathan had received his fish, Winnie wanted to head home.
“Landon, do you want to come over for dinner? Mom’s making fish ‘n’ chips, your favorite,” Winnie asked, sincerely.
“Sure, thank you,” I replied gratefully. “Do you mind if I’m a bit late though?”
“No problem, I’ll tell my mom when we get home.” She gave me one last unsure look, then turned and walked towards the parked cars with her brother and the pink gorilla.
I abruptly turned to Mae once Winnie was out of sight. “What the hell is your problem today? I came to meet you this afternoon, and you’ve been rude and sarcastic all day.”
“It wasn’t a good day,” she replied staring at the flat, stepped on grass.
“Just because your cat puked on your carpet, doesn’t give you the right to be rude to everyone here at the carnival,” I stated, matter-of-factly.
She looked up, bitterness in her eyes, “It’s not just because of my cat, you idiot.”
“Then what’s your problem?”
“I don’t know if it’s something I should tell you. I hardly know you after all.”
“Doesn’t mean I’m not willing to listen to you, Mae,” I replied, my tone softening.
She eyed me, and then began, “After I cleaned up Elmo’s puke, I heard a knock at my door, and when I opened it, it was my ex-boyfriend, Ryder. He said we needed to talk, and pushed his way into my apartment. He looked drunk and smelled of tobacco. ‘You look beautiful, Mae, baby,’ he had said to me, drawing closer. ‘I missed you so much. Can I have a welcome home treat?’ He forced me into kissing him, and got very angry when I pushed him away. H-h-he forced me—“ her voice broke up into hiccupped sobs. I didn’t need her to finish I had already understood where the story was heading. I wanted to pound the guy a thousand times for what he did to her. I craved to make him bleed a river, and break his bones; I hungered to hear him scream like a little girl.
I reluctantly pulled out my hankie, a souvenir of my dad, and handed it to her. She graciously took it with shaky hands and wiped her nose with it. Tears, intermingled with makeup, tumbled down her thin cheeks, and onto her little lips. She was beautiful, even when she cried.
“I’m sorry about earlier,” she mumbled, sniffling a couple times.
I looked at her with anguish, “Don’t worry about me. I understand now.”
She looked up, swiping her thin hand across her face, removing any loose tears, “Thank you.”
“I should probably start going. I need to get to dinner,” I uttered unwillingly.
She gave me a look of sorrow, “Don’t leave yet, please. You still have to play another round. You did say you wanted to get a bigger fish.”
I smirked, “I suppose I have time for one round.”

When I pulled into Winnie’s crowded driveway, Molly, their cocker spaniel, started barking hysterically in the large bay window. Winnie’s face appeared in the window as well, the golden yellow light from the dinning room reflecting off her blonde hair. I stepped out of my truck and gave her a small wave before she disappeared and opened the large oak door, waiting for me.
“You weren’t kidding when you said you were going to be late,” she hollered, as I walked up the stone path, my jeans swiping against the little shrubs lining it. I chuckled quietly as I went up the stairs and entered their house. The walk way was very inviting. Winnie’s mother had a strange obsession with roosters, which I never understood. There were arrays of photographs of roosters lined amongst the hallways, with the occasional family pictures. A rooster bigger than Molly sat perched right below their winding wooden staircase; it gave me the creeps every time.
I followed Winnie’s lead into their richly colored dining room. An elegant burgundy invited you to sit and eat at their luxurious chestnut table. Winnie’s mom and dad were already situated in their typical seats, along with Nathan. I took a seat on the end next to Winnie; the cushioned fabric exhaled as I put my weight on it. I never strayed too far from Winnie when I visited their house even though they were practically my family. I still avoided eye contact with George, Winnie’s father, because I was sure that he caught on to the fact that Winnie had feelings for me, though we both hid our knowledge from Winnie and each other. Winnie smiled sweetly, embracing my presence beside her. Elaine, the mother I wish I had, was delighted to have me over, especially knowing how much I appreciated her delicious cooking.
“It’s so good to see you again, Landon, darling,” she cooed as she grabbed the tongs from the lettuce bowl, serving each of us a helping of leaves.
“I’m glad to be here, Mom,” I replied casually, giving her a much appreciated smile.
“It’s been a long time since you’ve been here last, hmm? Hope we can see you around more often these days. You still go to that carnival each year?” George asked before he shoveled a forkful of salad into his mouth, dressing dribbling into his graying mustache.
“Yes, of course. Its better this year than it was the last time. They added a couple new attractions than before; you should visit it sometime.”
“It was just okay,” Nathan intervened, a mouthful of French fries filled in one side of his cheek.
“I won that pink gorilla from the fair, dad,” Winnie stated, “Much better than that lame stuffed alligator I got two years ago.”
“You’re a girl, Winifred; of course you wouldn’t appreciate an alligator,” George replied sarcastically. “So Landon, how is that apartment of yours holding up? Hasn’t burned down from your cooking yet, has it?” George said with a low chuckle, Elaine joining in.
“Well, it’s not as homey as it used to be, and it could probably use a good fix up, but other than that, I think it’s doing alright,” I said, a little embarrassed.
“You men are all so stubborn. I don’t understand why you couldn’t have just stayed with us; it wouldn’t have been an issue. You’re like another addition to our family, Landon, you know that by now,” Elaine chided, plopping some fish on my plate, clinking my empty glass when she pulled back.
“Mom, he’s entitled to what he wants to do with his life,” Winnie said dryly, taking a swig of her iced water.
“I know, I know. I just want him back with us. It’s been too long since I’ve seen him. I just miss him, we don’t see you as much as we used to, Landon.”
“I really am fine in my apartment…” I said quietly, as I picked at my fish.
“I bet it’s a pig sty, and it probably smells awful. I should help you clean up one of these weekends,” Elaine said, mostly to herself now.
“Elaine, dear, that’s enough. Having another teen in this house isn’t a requirement, you know. Especially when Winifred and Landon are the same age, and you can’t trust kids these days,” George said eyeing the two of us.
Winnie blushed wildly, “Dad, stop!”
With that, I stuffed my mouth with a large piece of fish and avoided George’s beady brown eyes. We sat in silence the rest of dinner. Winnie was still very much embarrassed when we took our plates into the kitchen, her small face a bright red tomato.
“I’m so sorry about my dad, Landon,” she said exasperatedly. “He can be such an—“
“Its fine, Win, really,” I intervened, “You don’t have to worry so much.”
She let out a small sigh of defeat, “You’re right, you’re right.”
“So should I stick around for a bit, or what?” I asked glancing around their kitchen. Dark green wouldn’t have been my color choice, but then again, her mother had strange taste in just about everything.
“Well, I mean, only if you want to,” Winnie replied; the tone of her voice told me she wished I would stay longer.
“Well, I mean, only since you want me to,” I teased with a chuckle. She narrowed her eyes and hit me with the back of her hand across my chest. I caught her wrist and held it in the air, while she tried to squirm away from my grip.
“Now what are you gonna do?” I sneered, followed by another feeble squirm.
“Landon, stop,” she whined, pushing on my chest.
“What’s the magic word?” I challenged with a sly smile.
“Please,” she answered with another whine. I released her arm and then she kicked my shin in protest to my behavior. “You’re such a jerk, Landon.”
I yanked her into my arms and gave her a big hug, “I’m sorry, Winnie. I was just playing.”
She sighed deeply into my chest and hugged me back. “I know,” she mumbled.
“Got any good movies to watch?” I asked releasing her tiny figure.
“We can check.”
Winnie’s room was on the second floor on the far left, lead by an elegant runner and accented by baby pictures on the walls. Winnie was the cutest baby; chubby and full of dimply smiles.
Inside her room, I plopped myself on the usual orange bean bag next to the foot of the bed, as she rummaged through her huge pile of DVDs. She picked out something I had never heard of, but I didn’t have a preference of what we watched. She pulled up the other bean bag, and played the movie.
I suppose sappy love stories aren’t that bad, if you’re into that sort of thing, that is. The movie Winnie chose was about a girl who was desperately in love with her best friend; problem was that he already had a girlfriend. She began crying at the scene when the best friend and the girl got in a huge fight about her feelings for him. I kept contemplating in my mind whether she was trying to make me realize something I had realized a long time ago. It put me a little on edge, but at least the guy in the movie had a good taste in women. Both actresses were pretty hot, but I would’ve stuck with the girlfriend too, if I were him.
“I feel so bad for the girl,” Winnie whispered quietly to me.
“Why are you whispering…?” I asked, dodging her comment.
“I don’t know, I guess I just do that every time I watch a movie,” she replied getting a little louder.
“Oh. Well, yeah, I feel bad for her, too.”
She looked at me for a long time, as if going over many thoughts in her mind, and then she leaned in. She took a hold of my face and kissed me as passionately as she could. When I was younger I had fantasized about kissing Winnie many times, but I never thought it would actually happen. She was always that pretty blonde girl down the street, and I was that slightly chunky boy who adored her from afar. As we got older, I worked off that “baby fat” and took better care of the way I looked. Winnie began to take notice of me more, and we eventually became best friends over the years. I was sure we both had fantasized about that moment at some time or another, never believing it would actually work out. But at that point, it was happening, and I was frozen, unsure of what to do with myself. After seconds of over thinking things, I forced myself to move; pulling her from her bean bag onto my lap, I kissed her back. Her thin arms wrapped around my neck, and I tightened my grip on her slightly. When she was starting to enjoy kissing me, there was a loud clatter of pots falling from downstairs, causing her to jump, breaking our rhythm. I suddenly was aware of what we had just done, and the feeling of awkwardness and regret swept over me. What would this do to our friendship? How awkward would things be after that?
“Damn it to Lucy!” Elaine hooted from the kitchen, followed by a loud cuss.
“We should probably go see what happened,” I motioned quietly. Winnie nodded slowly in agreement.
When we reached the kitchen there was red all over the floor, the marble counters, and Elaine. It had even splattered to the walk way leading into the kitchen where we were standing.
“Mom, what happened?” Winnie squealed.
“That’s what happens when your mother tries cooking something she has no idea how to make,” George commented with a snarky tone from a stool in the corner.
“Oh, shut up, George. If you’re not going to help and just make rude remarks, then get the hell out of my kitchen,” Elaine snarled. With that, George huffed, and scuffled away into the living room to watch reruns of old westerns. Winnie ran to grab some more towels, as I made my way around the puddles of red.
“Remind me not to make my own tomato sauce next time, okay?” Elaine said in a gruff voice, slopping up some of the red in a towel. “Stupid Betty Crocker can kiss my white derrière with that recipe!”
Chuckling at her remarks about the mess and Betty Crocker, Winnie and I helped clean up their kitchen to the point where there was only a tint of red on the cream, ceramic tile.
I glanced at their large grandfather clock with a picture of a roster embedded at the head, and it was later than I had anticipated on staying.
“I should probably get going,” I said, stretching my arms behind my head, my stiff spine cracking in a few places.
“Oh, dear, you’re right. Will you get home safely, please?” Elaine said wiping her hands on her white apron with patches of tomato sauce.
“Of course, mom, thank you,” I replied with a smile. She gave me a hug, and went back to putting her pots in the sink.
Winnie walked me out, closing the door behind us. We stood there looking at each other silently. Crickets chirped in the little bushes, and the moon shined a bright yellow, illuminating off Winnie’s blonde hair.
“Thank you for coming over,” she said finally, playing with her fingers.
“It’s my pleasure, Win.” I embraced her in my arms, squeezing her gently. With a sigh, she let go of me. She watched me walk to my pick up and drive away, waving until my truck became only distant lights.