we were given dollhouses
filled with girls who looked nothing like us
told to keep their hair
neatly brushed
watched from the window
as our brothers played with fire
in our backyards
walked in with muddy shoes and hungry eyes
and waited for mom to clean them up
you do not know the longing i had
to join in on the mess
i didn’t get my hands on a nerf gun
till i was 12
i longed
to hit the target
instead of being one
you don’t get it
the same way that i don’t know
how many little boys wanted to stay in the comfort of our home
and organize my dollhouse
for what are children
if not
blank canvases
painted in blue and pink
manipulated and twisted
and made to fit a mold that we never asked for
let alone carved
i used to play hide and seek in the dark with a boy who was practically my brother
and of course our siblings too
we’d split into teams
me and him always together
not that i wanted anything different
but i guess i didn’t know anything else
and he
was always the one who
peeked for the predator
who found the space to run to
who stood in front of me
he was the protector
and i know that is out of love
but i wanted to be on the battlefield
let me get wounded
let me be found
there is no need for a protector in an elementary school hide and seek game
he respected me but was never my equal
and that is what men do not understand
respect only goes so far
we want equality
we want to stand with you on the podium
we want to write the laws
to paint the art
to write the books
to manage the office
it’s the same way that a boss
has respect
for his assistant
we don’t want to be assistants
we’ve been assistants for centuries
we’ve been assistants in our own homes
in every childhood game
and every time we are told
“don’t worry, i respect you”
enough with the respect
just give me a seat at the table
a spotlight onstage
a microphone
an equal chance at making it in this world
the definition of respect
should be
equality
and i will settle
for nothing
less.