Wash down the salty tears with a bottle of dark rum

Drown out your sorrows with at least 8 shots of 60% vodka with a lemon to soothe the lingering burn
Rinse the vile taste of rejection out of your mouth with s***ty beer, at least eight count
Get high off medical marijuana at least five times a day to lift your spirits high; I know they've been dwindling for some time, now
Speaking of spirits, throw those in, too. Imbibe as needed, do not exceed one bottle per night
Three servings of lean should correct that unsightly posture you’ve repurposed into a suit of arms
A spoonful of cocaine helps the prescription pills go down; thick cardstock and impeccably straight lines make for easier ingestion
Sniff sharpies if you wish to keep your mind quick and focused
Use inhalants with precaution if you have asthma along with your mood disorders
Drink yourself into numbness and call me if you have any further questions
But don't worry, you shouldn't feel a thing