My eyes get heavy as I begin to fall asleep,
but every night when I shut my eyes, I fear that I'll never wake up.
I see the blackness of my eyelids and I suddenly fear the worst.
I jump up because I don't want to die,
and sit in the darkness of my room while thinking of how little sleep I'll get tonight.
Tomorrow will be the same.
It's always like this.
I'm scared of sleep,
but I need it so desperately.
I force myself awake until I can't do it anymore;
Until I pass out from exhaustion.
Even when this happens,
I don't sleep long.
I soon wake and discover it's only been two or three hours;
That I'll have to go through the epidemic of sleep all over again.
The lost time I spend in my bedroom,
thinking about death and sleep,
I lose myself.
I'm losing a bit of who I am on those nights,
losing it to the monster eating the sleep I need.
It's been this way for a while,
I only hope it gets better.