do you | Teen Ink

do you MAG

November 10, 2015
By theskylarksings GOLD, Columbia, Kentucky
theskylarksings GOLD, Columbia, Kentucky
13 articles 0 photos 7 comments

me Can you
shattering through layer after paper
Thin layer of sanity

gritty swallows
gulping Dry
sand sucks at my face
until my eyes close of their own accord

i am Afraid that
when i wake
the world will have turned oncetoomany
sterilized hearts and screaming minds
will be

just Another set of broken utopias

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This article has 2 comments.

on Mar. 24 2016 at 12:57 pm
theskylarksings GOLD, Columbia, Kentucky
13 articles 0 photos 7 comments
@Guise I appreciate the feedback! The enjambment is purposefully strange, which goes with the "broken utopias" and other images of shattering. However, you are right, TeenInk added a couple of extra line breaks around the picture. "Can" was capitalized because it was the beginning of another sentence, but the sentence started in the middle of the previous sentence. It also emphasized the fear of the speaker, that others are unaware of their plight. "Another" is capitalized to emphasize that the speaker has seen this descent happen before, and can't bear seeing it again. And thank you so much for your lovely comments! I do love me some constructive criticism :)

Lunch SILVER said...
on Feb. 17 2016 at 7:20 am
Lunch SILVER, Manila, Other
5 articles 0 photos 22 comments

Favorite Quote:
"There is always something left to love." – Gabo Marquez

First off, brilliant how you worked in the title as part of the actual body. The poem itself is utterly unnerving and makes me squirm more than I'd admit. It seems to me like an existential crisis that grates the poet. The imagery is excellent ("sterilized hearts" and "broken utopias" particularly stand out), and the rhythm is rough, fitting the subject matter. It's also interesting how you chose to leave "I" in lowercase, as if to reflect the poet's crushed/crumbling self-confidence. Couple things though: the enjambment struck me as odd and a bit random, but it might be the fault of Teen Ink's formatting. (I have this same issue with my work. It seems Teen Ink inserts line breaks where there ought to be none, and it messes up the poetry.) Also, what's with the capitalization of certain words? "Can" and "Another" don't seem crucial enough to be highlighted like that. Nevertheless, this is great work, and it justly deserved to be published.