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Envy....
July 17, 2014
I sit in the dark and listen to the sound of laughter and joy but more importantly I hear the LOVE they have with each other. As I peek through the crack of the door I see the protectiveness and LOVE that mother has for her children. As I silently watch, I can’t help but wonder.
Why doesn’t my mother hold me like that?
Why doesn’t my mother laugh with me like that?
Why doesn’t my mother talk to me with care in her voice?
Why doesn’t my mother listen to me like that?
Why doesn’t my mother do those things?
As these questions fill my head I then become to realize I’m not wondering anymore.
I am envying…
© Arianna J., Temecula, CA
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This article has 3 comments.
WritinGirl PLATINUM said...
on Dec. 25 2014 at 11:59 pm
That brought a lot of good questions and emotions to the reader's mind. I like how you ended it, especially, with the sentence, I am envying. Nice job. :) As far as critiquing goes, my only comment would be format and flow. Now, I don't know the goal you had in mind when you wrote this, so forgive me if I am getting this wrong. I personally don't enjoy reading poems that seem more like paragraphs, but I know there are many famous ones out there in this format, so it's fine--I would have changed to line structure is all, mostly because it can flow smoother with clear places for emphasis. But all in all, great job; keep it up!
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