My mind tells me to run.
far away.
somewhere warm.
somewhere were doubt does not pervade every single step I take.
For when I speak the words are not my own.
I feel as if I am being fake to every person I talk to because I am not fully present.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder has made me step outside my self into a different space were I am cut off.
Cut off because being fulling aware and part of my own being would mean that the thoughts in my head would have more ammunition than they already do.
Instead of there machine guns I would be giving them nuclear bombs.
They would fill my body with radioactivity and the mutated cells would transform into a cancer so terrible that I could not function.
The Chemotherapy would try and fight the hives of humming cancer cells.
Try, but fail.
So, I am cut off.
But I refuse to seal my own doom.
If these cancer cells of OCD are too be destroyed I will have to use the people around me as weapons against the doubt and pain as well as my own weapons of self-motivation, self-love, self-esteem and
self-amazingness
because that is what I am.
Amazing.