"I didn't study" | Teen Ink

"I didn't study"

April 18, 2014
By HudaZav SILVER, Toronto, Other
HudaZav SILVER, Toronto, Other
8 articles 6 photos 390 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Nothing is impossible; the word itself says 'I'm possible'!" -Audrey Hepburn

I don’t have butterflies in my stomach;
I have skydivers in my stomach
And they forgot their parachutes
And they are plummeting to the ground
At an accelerating speed
They scream in the form of sweaty palms
And quivering lips

I feel stares burning into the back of my skull
Crippling me
Disintegrating me
Tearing me apart
My heart is pounding like a dubstep concert
Can everyone hear it?
I turn to look behind myself, paranoid
No one is looking at me; everyone is busy writing their tests
Breathe in, breathe out, you’re being paranoid
How is it that I stood outside the class
As a house of cards;
Put together, taken long hours to assemble,
But once I entered class
My cards came caving in
And fluttering to the ground?

Thirty minutes into the test...
I need a drink of water
But my stomach does back flips at the thought
Of everyone looking at me when I get up
What if the teacher asks where I’m going?
What if I stumble?
Screw up or sputter?
The thought of possible humiliation
Has my feet bound down to the ground without chains
My throat is as dry as the Sahara, but I can deal with it
I would rather face thirty more minutes of dehydration
Than thirty eyes trained on me

Two days later...
I got my results for the test
And I didn’t do my best
The teacher asked me why,
Genuinely distressed
And what else could I say
Except “I didn’t study, I guess”?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

I count thirty students in the class out of habit
Good, that number is even
I cannot help but look around the class
I look at the words slanted lazily on the chalkboard
The crooked desks cluttered around the class
Oh, those crooked desks
Have put my sanity on the brink
I need to go over and straighten them out
But I cannot get up in the middle of a test

You see, when there are crooked, chaotic, cluttered desks on the loose
Staying put in my seat is difficult;
My fingers are trembling like a person with Parkinson’s
My feet are drumming on the floor in synchrony
Tapping out a morse-coded symphony
I need to distract myself, so I look down at my desk

I have eight pens, organized in groups of two
Colour coordinated
Facing each other, perfectly aligned
Kind of like soldiers, except
My soldiers are not allowed to move from their positions
“Stop playing games, Miss Fields. Write your test”
Games? This is not a game, teacher
This is not some board game I can fold up and put aside when I get tired of it
This is a real life problem I have to deal with
I try to divert my mind from my anger
And focus on the test in front of me

Forty-five minutes into the test...
The sum of 9 x 17
I know the answer: 153
But that is not an even number
I feel the claws my natural instinct overpower my mind
As I write three even digits: 246
That is the wrong answer
But I cannot help but look down at the digits and smile

Two days later...
I got my results for the test
And I didn’t do my best
The teacher asked me why,
Genuinely distressed,
And what else could I say
Except “I didn’t study, I guess”?

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


There is a serious glitch in my brain
That cannot be fixed with a screw driver or wrench
It simply cannot be fine-tuned
To function ordinarily
I am sitting in my seat, shooting daggers at a blank page
Words and numbers are too hard to
The letters and numbers and figures
Made up of varying sticks and circles and dots
Cruising around the page at a hundred miles per hour
While my brain is struggling to follow behind, huffing out of breath
I am left behind in the dust
Befuddled and left alone to try to catch up on my own
No matter how intelligent I am
I cannot read and write the same as everyone else
Two days later...
I got my results for the test
And I didn’t do my best
The teacher asked me why,
Genuinely distressed,
And what else could I say
Except “I didn’t study, I guess”?

The author's comments:
This is a collection of poetry. Three students fail a test. They all give the same, false excuse to the teacher that they "didn't study", when in reality, they are dealing with their own problems no one knows about or understands. I'd appreciate honest ratings and feedback! =)

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This article has 6 comments.

Hanban12 ELITE said...
on Jun. 23 2014 at 10:39 pm
Hanban12 ELITE, Lake Worth, Florida
133 articles 7 photos 631 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them."
Henry David Thoreau

"I fell in love the way you fall asleep; slowly, and then all at once."
John Green

This is awesome! I love how you took three perspectives and twined them into one single poem; it's extremely unique, as many people have already pointed out. I just love the way you write, you're fantastic :)

on Jun. 10 2014 at 2:03 pm
uncomfortableBrunette SILVER, Lr. Sackville, Other
5 articles 13 photos 164 comments

Favorite Quote:
I want to hate you half as much as i hate myself

Very original! I like how you showed multiple reasons for why a student didn't do well on a test, but they all use the same excuses! This is a very interesting kind of poetry. I really liked it!

on Jun. 9 2014 at 9:46 am
Ray--yo PLATINUM, Kathmandu, Other
43 articles 2 photos 581 comments

Favorite Quote:
God Makes No Mistakes. (Gaga?)
"I have hated the words and I have loved them, and I hope I have made them right." -Liesel Meminger via Markus Zusac, "The Book Thief"

I havent quite read anything like this here on TI, so great job with originality. I liked the first stanza a lot, the others were great too. The ending works brilliantly for all three. What I did not like, however, was the throat-Sahara thing.

on May. 15 2014 at 11:33 am
PoeticPrincess BRONZE, Jonesboro, Georgia
3 articles 0 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
"One moment of pleasure is not worth a million moments of pain."

A very unique style, I love it! :) Great Job.

JRaye PLATINUM said...
on May. 4 2014 at 6:17 pm
JRaye PLATINUM, Dorr, Michigan
43 articles 10 photos 523 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you build your house far enough away from Trouble, then Trouble will never find you."

"Have you ever looked fear in the face and said, 'I just don't care.'?"

I love your style of writing - so formal and beautiful, describing students in a classroom. The idea is incredible, too, so many kids deal with problems like this all the time and are overlooked. Awesome job :)

on Apr. 29 2014 at 7:43 pm
Love2Read72 PLATINUM, Kentfield, California
24 articles 0 photos 105 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life isn’t about how to survive the storm, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.” — Taylor Swift

I like this idea, of how people have problems at home that nobody knows about, but the OCD and the dyslexia don't sound authentic. I like the line, "They scream in the form of/sweaty palms/And quivering lips."