Twist in the Plot | Teen Ink

Twist in the Plot

November 17, 2013
By Shahrier PLATINUM, Colma, California
Shahrier PLATINUM, Colma, California
28 articles 10 photos 110 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I'm a river that no longer flows" - a friend
"when the people lead, leaders follow" - Gandhi


I am sickened by you, you disgust me so
You retched beast from down below
You fiend, you worthless piece of scum
You sicken me you heartless bum

You plagued my morals and made me question myself
The sheer amount of hate I feel toward you cannot be helped
And you still think you have any rights left after what you have done?
You deserved to be thrown in the dungeon yet you got the chance to run
And oh how stupid you are to have returned to the scene of the crime
I will not spare you my wrath a third time

So be gone you, I have shown mercy again.
You can try, but I cannot be slain.
My friend, little do you know
How much you have hurt me so.

And even today, I am loyal to you
By your side I will stand
I will help you whenever you need me,
We will still fight life’s monsters hand in hand.
My friend, please leave me be.
What pains me is deeper than what you can see.

I am sorry I have let you down.
No matter what I do, I am hell bound.


The author's comments:
my friends try to help me get through the things that pains me. there efforts do very little, but they do help. just not enough.

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This article has 5 comments.


on Jan. 6 2014 at 6:39 pm
Shahrier PLATINUM, Colma, California
28 articles 10 photos 110 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I'm a river that no longer flows" - a friend
"when the people lead, leaders follow" - Gandhi

i will try. most of my work flows straight from my heart and i understand that whats clear to me is foggy to others. thanks for the advise.

lexiibeale said...
on Jan. 6 2014 at 3:54 pm
lexiibeale, Germantown, Maryland
0 articles 0 photos 50 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Colour my life with the chaos of trouble"

I agree with BandGeekAndProud. I liked the poem, but at times it seemed as if there were a lot of heavy emotions at once, which became a bit confusing. I liked the poem overall, maybe just work on your flow of emotions?

on Jan. 4 2014 at 6:33 pm
BandGeekAndProud PLATINUM, Burlington, Massachusetts
23 articles 0 photos 49 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Imagination is more important than knowledge."
Albert Einstein

The rhyme flows a lot better in this poem than in your other one I commented on. Try to work on mixing your emotions though. This seems very angry - maybe put some regret or longing or just plain sadness in, too. People tend to feel a mix of emotions all at once, and I think really good poetry can convey that.

on Jan. 1 2014 at 5:48 pm
Shahrier PLATINUM, Colma, California
28 articles 10 photos 110 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I'm a river that no longer flows" - a friend
"when the people lead, leaders follow" - Gandhi

thank you for the feedback. i will definatly try to work on that on my future poems. 

on Jan. 1 2014 at 5:27 pm
Metalhead36 SILVER, Amherst, Massachusetts
8 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality. - Edgar Allan Poe

Thanks for your feedback.   Your ablility to rhyme is impressive. I like how it flows and it does give a good impression of emotion. My only criticism is try not to sound repetitive; some parts sound the same and are a bit confusing. Nonetheless, good job.