My Dream | Teen Ink

My Dream

August 11, 2013
By dancer25 GOLD, West Babylon, New York
dancer25 GOLD, West Babylon, New York
15 articles 16 photos 50 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Hope will never be silent'


I am in a dark whole
dirt covering my face and body
nothing but ripped clothing saving me from exposure

I am clinging onto every branch I see
Some crumble at my touch
...but it doesnt stop me

I push my self foward
looking for a brach who wont crumble away
one I can grasp onto with all my wieght

As I climb higher , I see a light
I can feel it dancing across my skin
I feel warmth and love

When I reach the top of the whole
I feel free
...I am free


The author's comments:
This is a sort of vision I had about my depression

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This article has 11 comments.


Mckay ELITE said...
on Oct. 10 2013 at 7:13 pm
Mckay ELITE, Somewhere, Virginia
146 articles 0 photos 2230 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do."
—Apple’s “Think Different” commercial, 1997
“Crazy people are considered mad by the rest of the society only because their intelligence isn't understood.”
― Weihui Zhou

Let's begin with the little criticisms first. There were some typos (forward and weight). Other than that, I like the message and how you picture this for the readers. Hope you're better now. This is touching to read. 

dancer25 GOLD said...
on Sep. 2 2013 at 12:08 am
dancer25 GOLD, West Babylon, New York
15 articles 16 photos 50 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Hope will never be silent'

Thank you so much. I really apreciate all the critisizm. This really means alot to me

on Sep. 1 2013 at 5:29 pm
tori-gurl PLATINUM, Norwich, New York
32 articles 0 photos 85 comments

Favorite Quote:
smile through everything no matter how bad it gets because it could be worse and if it gets worse well then it can only get better. :)

I love how you went about this! You did a really good job conveying that the "branches" you cling on to for hope, or the "light" were people in your life. I like how you used it metaphorically instead of as a simile, because with a simile you would just be coming out and saying that people were like branches, something of structure, but it didnt need to be conveyed that bluntly, so good choice on metaphor! I also love the act of climbing higher as a way to feel better. You dont just give up, you climb and find structure in anyway and I love it :D Maybe instead of saying the branches crumble, maybe you could have said something about grabbing onto rotten branches to help make it more realistic, and if you are starting from the ground maybe you could have mentioned that first you had to fight through the brush and the weeds to finally pull yourself up to the branches, just to add some more detail and realistic aspects to it. Overall, it was very well done and I really enjoyed this poem! Good Job! :D  

dancer25 GOLD said...
on Aug. 27 2013 at 10:32 am
dancer25 GOLD, West Babylon, New York
15 articles 16 photos 50 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Hope will never be silent'

I Am so happy to hear all these wonderful comments! Thank you so much

dancer25 GOLD said...
on Aug. 27 2013 at 10:31 am
dancer25 GOLD, West Babylon, New York
15 articles 16 photos 50 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Hope will never be silent'

thank you so much

on Aug. 27 2013 at 2:43 am
rand0mteenager SILVER, Yonkers, New York
8 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
I like books more than people

this poem is really great and i can totally get the message out of it. good job(:

on Aug. 27 2013 at 12:19 am
Mollybug16 BRONZE, Cleveland, Tennessee
4 articles 0 photos 120 comments

Favorite Quote:
Impossible is not a word, it's just a reason for someone not to try.

Love it, great message and great writing!

dancer25 GOLD said...
on Aug. 25 2013 at 9:21 pm
dancer25 GOLD, West Babylon, New York
15 articles 16 photos 50 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Hope will never be silent'

Thank you so much!

on Aug. 24 2013 at 11:53 pm
LaChouette GOLD, Mount Vernon, New York
12 articles 0 photos 146 comments

Favorite Quote:
“And then there are the times when the wolves are silent and the moon is howling.”
- George Carlin

Nice piece. It has a really positive message. Very liberating. Nicely done!

dancer25 GOLD said...
on Aug. 22 2013 at 1:09 am
dancer25 GOLD, West Babylon, New York
15 articles 16 photos 50 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Hope will never be silent'

thank you!!!!!!!

on Aug. 21 2013 at 9:53 pm
mymindspoken SILVER, San Diego, California
5 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
“Never forget what you are, for surely the world will not. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your weakness. Armour yourself in it, and it will never be used to hurt you.” George R.R. Martin, A Game of Thrones

Wonderful writing, really portrays imagery which makes the reader get something from the writing beautifully done :)