The Vows | Teen Ink

The Vows

April 2, 2013
By Laugh-it-Out PLATINUM, Brooklyn, New York, New York
Laugh-it-Out PLATINUM, Brooklyn, New York, New York
38 articles 0 photos 445 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light" --Dylan Thomas

It's all a process. Just another step down that windy path
A yellow brick road of uncertainty; traveled we have

I am sorry, my dear, if I have failed at times. When I slipped on a gnarled root or stone.
I know I have hurt many a heart or near broken a bone

Forgive my harsh words that raged like wild-fires through this forest of sin
I thank your salty tears for quenching my fiery din

With every word we whisper, a breeze to blow the sun away
And soft petals of the daffodils and marigolds turn hopeful towards the sway

My love I am still a beginner, my memories fresh and new
But if you let me hold the key, some good will come of you

So take my hand and walk me through this changing motion picture
I would love to be part of this movie magic and perhaps hold the clicker?

So when the bridge ends and the town comes into view
I get down on one knee and hold out my hand, will you say "I do"?

The author's comments:
It just came too me

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This article has 17 comments.

on Jun. 15 2013 at 1:02 pm
GraphicWriter DIAMOND, Yuba City, California
63 articles 10 photos 89 comments
Beautiful words. And such magic when they rhyme. It's like a proposal that someone deeply romantic would say. I love it. Simple but complex in a defining way. Splendid.

on May. 22 2013 at 2:08 pm
Court901 BRONZE, Magnolia, Texas
4 articles 0 photos 57 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Imagniation is not a talent of some people, but it is the health of every person" -Ralph Waldo Emerson

I really like this. I don't think the sin/din rhyme flowed very well and the first stanza was a little hard to read because of the ending. But other than that, good job.

on May. 4 2013 at 2:13 pm
SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND, Islamabad, Other
75 articles 16 photos 1136 comments

Favorite Quote:
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou
When i was little/I used to point a chubby finger toward the dark sky/And ask my father/why some stars moved and others didn’t/He would laugh and explain that some were airplanes/I still wish on them today ~ Laugh-It-Out
The feathers of a crow are black/The ink of my pen is blacker/The pain of my heart is blackest~ Mckay
If love produced a blossom/I’d take it in my palm/What a blessing, the bright color!/How soothing, such a balm!/I’d keep a petal for my own/The rest, drop from my hands/For such a flower would multiply/And populate the lands~ thesilentraven
And I began to rival legends/Long entombed before my birth./But for all my much envied fame/The lust for more would not abate./The plaques and prizes with my name/Will, like all things, disintegrate. ~ TheEpic95 now known as Helena_Noel

Hmph...It just came to you... Well seems like some awesome stuff JUST comes to you now and then... :)) Well this one truly deserves detailed feedback and I'm so sorry , please forgive me for breaking it down but I feel like I have to tell you what I think of every single line, I just love reading this and also loved your transitions from talk of nature to tech words and overall it all just gave me the good kind of goosebumps.. This was wow! Okay first stanza: the word process defines the rest of the poem cause you've set the scale for us now, then as your talk of brick roads and travel this sure gets me going and wanting to read more. Second stanza: Starting off with the apology is a good idea. I also love the fact that you use "dear" and 'love" here and throughout the poem. It created such a nice atmosphere and kind of gave us imagery equivalent to a whole line... the acknowledgement came out as honest and the sincerity shines through. Then Third stanza: I love the fact that you talked about harsh words here, because I truly feel that words hurt more than anything else and they're the only thing that can give hurt and heal it too..... "forest of sin" appeared to me some form of abstract, maybe cause I didn't get it as clearly as the rest but it's epic. Fourth Stanza: The last two line are simply my fav! daffodils and marigold... the sun..this stanza is painted yellow...not my favourite colour no but here it is so beautiful as it symbolizes hope and happiness... Fifth : WOW! "key" part is the key here :P Sixth: Here as I said I am amazed as to how well you have melded nature and technology..  Last: Just Epic.    So there it all is... I hope it doesn't tire you too much to read all this... I just loved it.

on Apr. 28 2013 at 10:53 pm
wordnerd54 SILVER, Sparta, New Jersey
6 articles 0 photos 80 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia." ~E.L. Doctorow

This is such a sweet poem! It really captures the idea that he isn't perfect, but he's trying be perfect for her, in a sense - through the "process."  The only thing that I kind of (figuratively) stumbled over was the inverted syntax in the first stanza.  It just caught me off guard a little, I guess.  Other than that, though, it flows really nicely - well done!  

Hanban12 ELITE said...
on Apr. 27 2013 at 9:55 am
Hanban12 ELITE, Lake Worth, Florida
133 articles 7 photos 631 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them."
Henry David Thoreau

"I fell in love the way you fall asleep; slowly, and then all at once."
John Green

Ok, i know I already posted a comment, but reading it again makes me wanna comment all over again! :) love all of the symbolism and imagery tht drags the reader in.... great writer!

on Apr. 25 2013 at 9:30 am
Helena_Noel BRONZE, Burnt Hills, New York
1 article 0 photos 629 comments

Favorite Quote:
“I'd rather see a sermon than hear one any day; I'd rather one should walk with me than merely tell the way: The eye's a better pupil and more willing than the ear, fine counsel is confusing, but example's always clear.” -Edgar Guest

I didnt particularly like the beginning, the reverse syntax on its last line was just really odd. Perhaps it's just me, but I dont understand what the metaphore in stanza two is.... breaking your heart, yes, but bone...? What, in a romantic context, would that mean....? The third stanza is pretty good, though the sin/din rhyme was a little forced sounding, the bulk of it was awesome and totally good. I think, perhaps, the line about marigolds and daffodils was a bit overly long, but it did ahve a beautiful ring to it. You did a prety good job with this poem over all, but i think it needed some work.

mnm08 BRONZE said...
on Apr. 21 2013 at 1:10 pm
mnm08 BRONZE, Grande Prairie, Texas
2 articles 0 photos 69 comments

Favorite Quote:
"A writer needs the industry of an ant, the creativity of a kitten and the hid of an armadillo."- Author Unknown

That was a really good poem. I loved the symbolism that you used and your writing felt so.. down to earth, it was beatiful and it felt real :) Favourite part "My love I am still a beginner, my memories fresh and new But if you let me hold the key, some good will come of you" <3 :) 

on Apr. 17 2013 at 9:45 pm
estucker1998 PLATINUM, Tuscaloosa, Alabama
20 articles 0 photos 63 comments

Favorite Quote:
The voracious ambition of humans is never sated by dreams coming true, because of the thought that everything may be done better and again. --John Green, The Fault in Our Stars.

I really loved this. It was beautiful and I absolutely adored all of your imagery and metaphors! It was wonderfully written! Keep it up!

on Apr. 14 2013 at 10:10 pm
AugustSummerFling PLATINUM, Mylapore, Chennai, Other
36 articles 0 photos 265 comments

Favorite Quote:
'For you, a thousand times over.' - Hassan, The Kite Runner

A professional writer is an amateur who didn't quit.

I could totally relate to this! I loved the part where you're assuring that it will be a rocky ride but you'll always be there by her side (or his, if you're a girl). One of the best love poems that I've read :) 5/5

on Apr. 9 2013 at 9:30 pm
laurengerhard SILVER, South Windsor, Connecticut
8 articles 0 photos 124 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am gone quite mad with the knowledge of accepting the overwhelming number of things I can never know, places I can never go, and people I can never be." -Sylvia Plath

This is going to be the crappiest constructive comment ever, but I love when the word "dear" and other endearment terms like that are used in poems... so in a sense "you had me at dear" and now I'm biased and like it. Haha, good job... the end.

on Apr. 8 2013 at 10:26 pm
Mollybug16 BRONZE, Cleveland, Tennessee
4 articles 0 photos 120 comments

Favorite Quote:
Impossible is not a word, it's just a reason for someone not to try.

Wow this is really amazing a very touching love story poem. 5/5

on Apr. 7 2013 at 9:15 pm
RebeccaMichele SILVER, Sandy Hook, Connecticut
7 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We are not here to see through one another, we are here to see one another through"

this is beautiful!

on Apr. 6 2013 at 10:20 am
thatunknownthing DIAMOND, Dubai, Other
67 articles 0 photos 208 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift; that's why they call it the present"

I admire your way of writing! the descriptions are beautiful and vivid, they make the poem a very interesting read!! You should be proud of this work, it's one of the few striking ones I've come across.

on Apr. 5 2013 at 9:37 pm
Literature_Darling GOLD, Warrenton, Virginia
14 articles 0 photos 32 comments

Favorite Quote:
"To live is the rarest thing of all. Most people exsist and that is all." ~Oscar Wilde
"I am a writer quite by accident, the way one my fall and rip a hole in their jeans." ~Blogger H. B. Sachs

very nice, I love the first two stanzas best!

on Apr. 5 2013 at 7:06 pm
LexusMarie PLATINUM, Las Cruces, New Mexico
27 articles 0 photos 423 comments

Favorite Quote:
The more control you have over yourself, the less control others have over you.

Aw! This is sooo sweet! I love the third stanza, that's priceless. And the last one just sums it up so simply and nicely, yet leaves a cliff hanger because after all these lovely words what does the person reply? c': This flows so nicely and the rhymes are great! Once again, wonderful job! You're greaaaat! Xx!

Hanban12 ELITE said...
on Apr. 5 2013 at 4:34 pm
Hanban12 ELITE, Lake Worth, Florida
133 articles 7 photos 631 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them."
Henry David Thoreau

"I fell in love the way you fall asleep; slowly, and then all at once."
John Green

Aw!  beautiful! i love all of the metaphors, allusions, and rhyming. Love this poem! :)

Mckay ELITE said...
on Apr. 5 2013 at 1:17 pm
Mckay ELITE, Somewhere, Virginia
146 articles 0 photos 2230 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do."
—Apple’s “Think Different” commercial, 1997
“Crazy people are considered mad by the rest of the society only because their intelligence isn't understood.”
― Weihui Zhou

Ahhhhh! I love the end!