I love and hate myself.

I feel like at times, everyone does.

Except the love for themselves isn't as passionate as the love I have for myself....
Except the hate for themselves isn't as brutal or unforgiving as the hate I have for myself.

Sometimes I feel like there are three of me... I've given each a name.
One has my name... One's name is Cerberus... One's name is Ace


I don't know how I got divided that way...

i was born with my name and I became aware of what i could do when i was in fourth grade, crying in a bathroom stall with a girl cussing through the door. i am sweet, forgiving, honest and sensitive. i had all of the good qualities until Cerberus came and started burning off my petals just starting to spread into a flower.

Ever since then, I have been looking for myself.

But i like Cerberus. But i'm scared. But i'm broken. But i'm dying.


Cerberus came to me one day when I fell asleep, he chipped off all of my fingernails with a screwdriver and a hammer while I was barb-wired to a chair and murmured to my ear, "don't forget the little things".

Ever since then, I have been afraid of Cerberus.

But he protects me. But he is my strength. But he loves me. But he hates you.


Ace tried to save the last bit of me. hE GavE Me SoME WIllPowEr. He fought against Cerberus. When I was shuffling through the shards of what I used to be, he appeared. Every day I let him walk me class to class, every day he helps me keep on a smile, every day I go home and I am the empty shell again. No smile. No love. No respect. No heartbeat.

Ever since then, I pretend I am him.

But then I feel empty after. But then I am alone. But he loves me. But I want him.



WHAT DO I WANT? WHAT DO I NEED? WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO? WHAT ARE CERBERUS AND ACE? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? What is wrong with you? Why can't you understand? HELP I NEED TO FIND MYSELF




The conflict is











suffocating




















me...