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Falling

January 23, 2011
By AliceForever BRONZE, Someplace, Wisconsin
More by this author
AliceForever BRONZE, Someplace, Wisconsin
1 article 6 photos 36 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Sometimes it takes a crazy person to see the truth. If so, I&#039;m a freaking lunatic.&quot;- Stephen Colbert<br /> <br /> &quot;YOU CAN&#039;T STOP THIS TRAIN!&quot; My friend and illustrator, CK

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Falling, falling death is calling
Death the deepest hole
Blinding, blinding, life unwinding
Heaven help my soul

Burning, burning I am burning
Forever into ash
Slowly, slowly ever slowly
Nothing ever lasts

Trying, trying sure not flying
My heart the sound of thunder
Faster, faster to meet the master
In the ground, six feet under

Turning, turning stomach churning
Silence the only sound
Going, going never knowing
When I’ll hit the ground

© Jacob W., Oklahoma City, OK

The author's comments:
This is what happens when I think of stuff in the shower. First piece of mine put out to the public.
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 19 comments.

ailurophile BRONZE said...
on Jul. 17 2012 at 8:49 pm
ailurophile BRONZE, 20 Minutes From Everything, North Carolina
4 articles 1 photo 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
I&#039;ve got one foot in the darkness and the other one in a Hello Kitty roller skate

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This is very very nice.
Tongue_Blep PLATINUM said...
on Jul. 15 2012 at 9:29 am
Tongue_Blep PLATINUM, ????, Ohio
40 articles 1 photo 769 comments
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You are so very welcome Alice!!! *huggles!* :D

 

~Free :)(:

AliceForever BRONZE said...
on May. 27 2012 at 11:11 pm
AliceForever BRONZE, Someplace, Wisconsin
1 article 6 photos 36 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Sometimes it takes a crazy person to see the truth. If so, I&#039;m a freaking lunatic.&quot;- Stephen Colbert<br /> <br /> &quot;YOU CAN&#039;T STOP THIS TRAIN!&quot; My friend and illustrator, CK

View profile
Aww! Thanks Free!
Tongue_Blep PLATINUM said...
on May. 26 2012 at 7:27 pm
Tongue_Blep PLATINUM, ????, Ohio
40 articles 1 photo 769 comments
View profile
LOVE THIS!!! ~ Free :)(: :)(:
readaholic PLATINUM said...
on Jan. 19 2012 at 7:23 am
readaholic PLATINUM, Tomahawk, Wisconsin
27 articles 0 photos 425 comments

Favorite Quote:
I&#039;d rather fail because I fell on my own face than fall because someone tripped me up<br /> ~Jhonen Vasquez

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ok i actually read it this time. good job but still hobos
readaholic PLATINUM said...
on Jan. 18 2012 at 2:54 pm
readaholic PLATINUM, Tomahawk, Wisconsin
27 articles 0 photos 425 comments

Favorite Quote:
I&#039;d rather fail because I fell on my own face than fall because someone tripped me up<br /> ~Jhonen Vasquez

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Help me I'm bored in english class aaaa hobos
AliceForever BRONZE said...
on Sep. 30 2011 at 5:08 pm
AliceForever BRONZE, Someplace, Wisconsin
1 article 6 photos 36 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Sometimes it takes a crazy person to see the truth. If so, I&#039;m a freaking lunatic.&quot;- Stephen Colbert<br /> <br /> &quot;YOU CAN&#039;T STOP THIS TRAIN!&quot; My friend and illustrator, CK

View profile
Done deal. :)
AliceForever BRONZE said...
on Sep. 30 2011 at 1:17 pm
AliceForever BRONZE, Someplace, Wisconsin
1 article 6 photos 36 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Sometimes it takes a crazy person to see the truth. If so, I&#039;m a freaking lunatic.&quot;- Stephen Colbert<br /> <br /> &quot;YOU CAN&#039;T STOP THIS TRAIN!&quot; My friend and illustrator, CK

View profile
Shut up, I know where you live. XD
PussnBoots GOLD said...
on Sep. 30 2011 at 8:59 am
PussnBoots GOLD, Tomahawk, Wisconsin
12 articles 0 photos 137 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;When life hands you lemons, make apple juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.&quot; -Unknown<br /> &quot;The world is my pineapple. I just have to figure out a way past the prickly parts.&quot; -Me

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Awesomeness. :) You really rocked it, Alice. Give yourself a pat on the back. (Oh, and BTW, I'm wondering about that description of yourself on your profile... wonder where you got that from. :) )
MyConstRuctd_IdentiTy SILVER said...
on Sep. 29 2011 at 7:34 pm
MyConstRuctd_IdentiTy SILVER, Chardon, Ohio
7 articles 56 photos 356 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;One heartbeat.&quot;<br /> <br /> &quot;Our scars remind us of where we&#039;ve been; they don&#039;t dictate where we&#039;re going.&quot; <br /> -SSA David Rossi, Criminal Minds

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Pssshhhhhhawwwww, not like this, I don't. O.o XP

 

Hey, no prob. :) Just let me know if you ever want anything rated, commented on, whatever, I'll do it. Glad to. :)

AliceForever BRONZE said...
on Sep. 28 2011 at 4:29 pm
AliceForever BRONZE, Someplace, Wisconsin
1 article 6 photos 36 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Sometimes it takes a crazy person to see the truth. If so, I&#039;m a freaking lunatic.&quot;- Stephen Colbert<br /> <br /> &quot;YOU CAN&#039;T STOP THIS TRAIN!&quot; My friend and illustrator, CK

View profile
Oh come on Identity, you know as well as I that you write some pretty great stuff. I agree with you and the other post, I had to make it rhyme and didn't think to put it like that. I'm a freak when it comes to my poetry rhyming. It needs to be perfect. Almost like Kid, just not as crazy... XD Just kidding, he rocks. Thanks for the advice!
MyConstRuctd_IdentiTy SILVER said...
on Sep. 20 2011 at 6:31 pm
MyConstRuctd_IdentiTy SILVER, Chardon, Ohio
7 articles 56 photos 356 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;One heartbeat.&quot;<br /> <br /> &quot;Our scars remind us of where we&#039;ve been; they don&#039;t dictate where we&#039;re going.&quot; <br /> -SSA David Rossi, Criminal Minds

View profile

D**m. That. Was. Amazing. O.o Whoa. Dude, I couldn't write something like this if you paid me to. I couldn't write to save my life. O.O Wow. 5 out of 5 hands down.

 

The only thing, I agree with another post, the 'in the ground, six feet under' is a bit of a mouthful. But whether you change it or leave like it is, it all flows very easily and smoothly. Great. Fantastic. Brilliant.

AngelForeverBleedingLove DIAMOND said...
on May. 11 2011 at 12:13 pm
AngelForeverBleedingLove DIAMOND, Frederic, Wisconsin
65 articles 3 photos 248 comments

Favorite Quote:
You say you don&#039;t remember,<br /> But I will never forget

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This is really amazing! I love it! The rhyming not every line, but every other one works really good with it and makes it flow better and kind of fall off the tonuge gracefully. Great job! 5/5

Feel free to rate/comment on any of my works!

-Angel

Ebony_Rose PLATINUM said...
on May. 11 2011 at 10:16 am
Ebony_Rose PLATINUM, Hot Springs, Arkansas
21 articles 0 photos 54 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;The simplest way that i can understand therapy is that we&#039;re born a certain<br /> way, we&#039;re taught to be something different, and we spend our whole lives<br /> trying to unravel it and ultimately align ourselves with who we really are.&quot; ~Billy Corgan

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oops... forgot my smiley :D
Ebony_Rose PLATINUM said...
on May. 11 2011 at 10:16 am
Ebony_Rose PLATINUM, Hot Springs, Arkansas
21 articles 0 photos 54 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;The simplest way that i can understand therapy is that we&#039;re born a certain<br /> way, we&#039;re taught to be something different, and we spend our whole lives<br /> trying to unravel it and ultimately align ourselves with who we really are.&quot; ~Billy Corgan

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I think its great....
Destinee BRONZE said...
on May. 9 2011 at 10:26 pm
Destinee BRONZE, Oakville, Other
3 articles 0 photos 303 comments

Favorite Quote:
Blegh. - Abraham Lincoln

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This is so good! But I think one line: "In the ground, six feet under" has too many syllables. Maybe you could make it "grounded, six feet under"?
ossiecastro5 PLATINUM said...
on May. 9 2011 at 8:58 pm
ossiecastro5 PLATINUM, A Single Light In, New Jersey
39 articles 9 photos 68 comments

Favorite Quote:
I&#039;m not saying anything, I&#039;m just saying.

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I agree. The rhymeing and repeating makes it good. Nice job!
SpringRayyn PLATINUM said...
on May. 9 2011 at 8:44 pm
SpringRayyn PLATINUM, Lakeville, Minnesota
34 articles 2 photos 658 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Don&#039;t punish yourself,&quot; she heard her say again, but there would be punishment and pain, and there would be happiness too. That was writing.&quot;<br /> --Markus Zusak, &quot;The Book Thief&quot;

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I really think that your use of repeating is really good and I like the rhyming too. I can't rhyme as good as that! Nice!
Violetrose said...
on Feb. 28 2011 at 9:59 am
Violetrose, Tomahawk, Wisconsin
0 articles 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
Mending a broken heart is just as hard as breaking one.

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i love it!