She gets to me | Teen Ink

She gets to me

June 24, 2010
By cheyenneduhon PLATINUM, Lumberton, Texas
cheyenneduhon PLATINUM, Lumberton, Texas
31 articles 0 photos 144 comments

I let it happen,
without wanting it to.
She enters my mind,
While my angry blood rises.

She had him before I,
He loved her with all his heart.
She has part of his love still,
Always will.

We were friends,
While she was happy,
When she threw away happiness,
I picked it up,
And was accused of being,
a backstabber.

She believes her intelligence,
Gets stronger daily.
Although her maturity,
Slips down the drain.

I try not to be childish
Tell myself not to let it happen.
But my fighting can't stop it,
She gets to me.

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This article has 3 comments.

on Oct. 4 2010 at 1:58 pm
ShenelleCrystal SILVER, M, New York
7 articles 0 photos 186 comments

Favorite Quote:
Laugh your heart out dance in the rain cherish the memories ignore the pain love + learn forget and forgive because remember you only have [one life to live] ♥

this is so true . I know that I have been in this situation before . Great work ! please comment and rate my work ? :)

on Aug. 1 2010 at 8:42 pm
sleeplessdreamer PLATINUM, Raleigh, North Carolina
30 articles 0 photos 332 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I have always wanted to write in such a way that people say, 'I have always thought that but never found the words for it.'" -anonymous

This has a lot better flow than your Here Comes the Rain poem. I also feel more connected to the characters emotions. Overall I think this is a very strong poem, but I do have a few pointers.

In the first line of your second stanza you say "She had him before I" ... I is supposed to be me in this case, because its the object of the preposition. Also, you have some commas in between lines where you shouldn't. I love where you seperated your sentences for the flow of the poem, but you didn't need to put commas in a lot of the places you did. It makes the reader stop in the flow of their reading and makes it more confusing.

Really just some minor grammatical errors. Just work on those and this poem really will be great.

on Jul. 23 2010 at 2:15 pm
Lover_that_Hates DIAMOND, Reynolds, Georgia
76 articles 0 photos 118 comments

Favorite Quote:
"She was fascinated with words. To her words were things of beauty, each like a magical powder or potion that could be combinded with other words to create powerful spells." From: Lighting(By: Dean Koontz)

a classic tale...many more know your pain. Sorry it happen to you.