Invisible restraints | Teen Ink

Invisible restraints

April 16, 2010
By Miseltoe GOLD, Boneville, Georgia
Miseltoe GOLD, Boneville, Georgia
15 articles 2 photos 49 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'm a loser and I love to lose. Each time I lose its different, it teaches me something else... but winning loses its glamour after the first few times. so I love to lose


One instance of recognition
Followed by many moments of doubt
Left me wandering back for truth
But the shadow of your face had disappeared
Was it really you
Or my perverse mind playing tricks
The lines of your face etched in my mind
From a time when I couldn’t even remember
Figments of my imagination dancing away
Products of a photograph
A girl not yet a woman
Holding a baby
Smiling
Who is she now? Where is she now?
Was she the woman in the aisle,
Who caught my eye as I passed by?
Or was that a desperate attempt
For a girl not yet a woman
To find some sense in this world
When parts can make a whole again
Eighteen years ago she held me in her arms
And rocked me to sleep
Yesterday my Aunt looked into my face
Only restrained by the bonds of doubt
She may be around the next corner
Or millions of miles away
But I’ll never know
For I didn’t ask



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This article has 8 comments.


Miseltoe GOLD said...
on Aug. 13 2010 at 9:29 am
Miseltoe GOLD, Boneville, Georgia
15 articles 2 photos 49 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'm a loser and I love to lose. Each time I lose its different, it teaches me something else... but winning loses its glamour after the first few times. so I love to lose

Thanks, =) I hope one day ur fostermother will realize that ur brother will also play an important part in ur life. I know sometimes I cant stand my brothers but when my oldest brother dies two yrs ago I realized, that every moment I spend mad at them is a moment I have lost on the end.

on Aug. 12 2010 at 11:49 pm
MercedesXO DIAMOND, South Easton, Massachusetts
52 articles 0 photos 280 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I realize that life is risks. It's acknowledging the past but looking forward. It's taking chances that we will make mistakes but believeing we all deserve to be forgiven."
-The Dead Tossed Waves.

woww. i hope you find them both:) that'd be great and i really hope everything works out for you!

Miseltoe GOLD said...
on Aug. 6 2010 at 3:50 pm
Miseltoe GOLD, Boneville, Georgia
15 articles 2 photos 49 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'm a loser and I love to lose. Each time I lose its different, it teaches me something else... but winning loses its glamour after the first few times. so I love to lose

thats aweful. I hope one day i actually do meet my aunt but its unlikely however i am searching for my sperm donor bc i can get a few scholarships if i prove my heitage and finding him is pretty difficult but im pretty sure if i find him i might find her.

on Aug. 3 2010 at 8:56 pm
MercedesXO DIAMOND, South Easton, Massachusetts
52 articles 0 photos 280 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I realize that life is risks. It's acknowledging the past but looking forward. It's taking chances that we will make mistakes but believeing we all deserve to be forgiven."
-The Dead Tossed Waves.

wow. thank you for sharing part of your story with me:) i appriciate it. and yeah i know exactly what you mean. and i COMPLETELY agree with you. like, if you never do it and take that leap of faith, you're always left with "what if", and that is LITERALLY like the worst ever. it sucks:( and i'm sorry you'll never know. but maybe you could find your aunt someday? like search for her. i'd be sooo happy for you if you did. then you could have closure and know.

but yeah, my mom's very..difficult. to say the least. when i was eight and first came to live with her she hated when i talked about my other life (even though it was all i ever knew), idk....i think a lot of it is jelously, to be honest. like, i think it hurts her to know that they were apart of my life and that i actually care about them and love them. she'll never understand it. and i'll never understand how she could expect anything different. how do you just stop loving your own blood? your own sisters and brothers and family....

idk, i dont get it either. lol. people are so confusing sumtimes.


Miseltoe GOLD said...
on Aug. 1 2010 at 1:44 pm
Miseltoe GOLD, Boneville, Georgia
15 articles 2 photos 49 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'm a loser and I love to lose. Each time I lose its different, it teaches me something else... but winning loses its glamour after the first few times. so I love to lose

I thought it was my aunt. My sperm donors been in jail almost all my life, so i dont know him and he doesnt know about me. But my aunt knew me when I was a baby. She use to hold me and play with me. I dont remember but I have lots of pictures of her. And this person I saw made eye contact with me and it was just too much of a coincedence to think it wasnt her. If we jump and we look stupid that feeling will last for a second, but if we fail to grasp the chances we have we'll remember forever. (why wouldnt she let you talk to him? thats just wrong on so many levels)

Miseltoe GOLD said...
on Aug. 1 2010 at 1:32 pm
Miseltoe GOLD, Boneville, Georgia
15 articles 2 photos 49 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'm a loser and I love to lose. Each time I lose its different, it teaches me something else... but winning loses its glamour after the first few times. so I love to lose

I thought it was my aunt. My sperm donor has been in jail most my life, so i dont know him, but when i was young my aunt use to hold me and play with me. I have a bunch of pictures, but I was one and half so I dont remember. BUt this person looked so much like an other version of the girl in the picture. And had a feeling thats who she was and we made eye contact but neither of us said a word. So the one chance i get n i blow it.

on Aug. 1 2010 at 11:32 am
MercedesXO DIAMOND, South Easton, Massachusetts
52 articles 0 photos 280 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I realize that life is risks. It's acknowledging the past but looking forward. It's taking chances that we will make mistakes but believeing we all deserve to be forgiven."
-The Dead Tossed Waves.

my bad i meant *my ADOPTED mother wouldn't let me go see him..big difference haha

on Aug. 1 2010 at 11:31 am
MercedesXO DIAMOND, South Easton, Massachusetts
52 articles 0 photos 280 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I realize that life is risks. It's acknowledging the past but looking forward. It's taking chances that we will make mistakes but believeing we all deserve to be forgiven."
-The Dead Tossed Waves.

woww. i love this!! this is incredible and i can relate in sooo many ways. if you don't mind me asking (and if you do i dont wanna make you uncomfortable so you certainly don't have to answer), but i was just curious, who you thought that that girl had been?

i am adopted and about two years ago i was at a parade and my fam and i went to mcdonalds. and when i turned around i came face to face with me 19 year old birth brother (i was probably about 14) and i hadn't seen him since i was in foster care about 8 years ago. that was extremely hard for me. and even though i knew it was him, i was too shocked and didn't want to say anything (cuz how dumb would i look if i said sumthing and he turned out to not be my brother? lol) but then his friends came running out (when my adopted mom and my other two sisters had left) and asked if we were amanda, tiara and mercedes neilson. and that was our birth names. and i was really excited, but my birth mother wouldn't allow us to go see him:( that broke my heart and i cried and cried for hours and hours. it was terrible.

but yeah, sorry if this was a bit much, i just thought i would share my story with you to show how i related to your poem:)

again, excellent work! i loved it.