Sanity and the Other | Teen Ink

Sanity and the Other

March 14, 2010
By sleeplessdreamer PLATINUM, Raleigh, North Carolina
sleeplessdreamer PLATINUM, Raleigh, North Carolina
30 articles 0 photos 332 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I have always wanted to write in such a way that people say, 'I have always thought that but never found the words for it.'" -anonymous

Wind and rain,
Pounding down,
Hear the all
Unbroken sound.
Love and life
Hidden now,
Beneath the soft
And soaking ground.
Lost and tormented
Are we all.
Buried so deep
We missed the call.
Hope and loss
So intricately intertwined,
Loss of hope,
Hope of time.
Worn out faces
All around.
Faces caked in dirt
From the ground.
Whispers and cries
Of aching loss.
Now we wonder,
Was it worth the cost?
Dead and breathing
Our broken hearts beat
Beneath the chest
Of broken feats.
The dreams and promises
We all had,
Until we lost
What was truly mad.
Sanity and the other,
Which shall it be?
Both treated with
Such enormity….

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This article has 8 comments.

on Jul. 10 2012 at 7:00 pm
Shahiro PLATINUM, Johnston, Iowa
20 articles 2 photos 262 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Soon we must all choose between what is right and what is easy." - Dumbledore (Goblet of Fire)

Really well written... It flowed well too. Ps.please check out my work... Thnx =D

on Jul. 27 2010 at 3:22 pm
Inherinerd GOLD, Ashland, Ohio
16 articles 9 photos 302 comments

Favorite Quote:
A word to the wise ain't nessecary it's the stupid ones that need the advise

You have a really good flow in this one and i liked your rhyming. Your vocabulary was pretty good and i really like your title. I'm sorry but i can't find anything to critique

on Jul. 18 2010 at 2:27 pm

(disclaimer: this is not feedback for feedback. I don't believe in feedback for feedback but since you were so honest I figured your stuff might be good and interesting. And it is. That's why I'm looking at it)

So I'm not really an expert on poetry but I really liked this and I can see that it's meaningful and like Lusis said it has good rythm. It really reminds me of Pete Loefler's lyrics (he's the singer of Chevelle) because they're really awesome, choppy but hardly make sense to me. But the not making sense has to do with my inability to understand poetry at times lol. Awesome stuff!

on Jul. 17 2010 at 10:24 pm
sleeplessdreamer PLATINUM, Raleigh, North Carolina
30 articles 0 photos 332 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I have always wanted to write in such a way that people say, 'I have always thought that but never found the words for it.'" -anonymous

Thanks for the feedback.. yeah, I don't know the exact terms either. I just thought it fit and sounded cool! Hahaha

lusis BRONZE said...
on Jul. 17 2010 at 9:57 pm
lusis BRONZE, San Jose, California
3 articles 0 photos 42 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It is the novelist's innate cowardice that makes him depute to imaginary personalities the sins that he is too cautious to commit for himself." Anthony Burgess

Your title immediately caught my eye, and I thought maybe you were referring to "the Other" in terms of philosophy. I can see how it could fit in, although I don't know if it was intentional or not :D

Overall, I love the rhythm to this. The lines are short, but the whole poem's got a nice flow to it. I actually like the "intricately intertwined." Alliteration! I guess the reader just has to read faster mentally, lol. And you have these nice little parallelisms too! Like hope and loss, loss of hope, hope of time. I forget what the official terms are, but I like your use of them :)

on Jul. 16 2010 at 5:19 pm
Heathurrlovesyouu SILVER, Morristown, Tennessee
5 articles 3 photos 28 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Nothing of me is original, I am the combined effort of everyone I have ever known." -Invisible Monsters

I really like this piece. I liked the use of bigger words, personally. I get tired of the ho-hum little words. : )

EmmaNemma GOLD said...
on Jun. 30 2010 at 3:18 pm
EmmaNemma GOLD, The Shire, Vermont
10 articles 0 photos 43 comments

Favorite Quote:
If you think you are a hypochondriac by definition aren't you?

This is a really good poem and tells an interesting story. The only thing I would recomend is getting rid of the huge words in certain lines or changing the wording because it makes it so the poem doesn't flow as smoothly. Just a suggestion.

on Jun. 30 2010 at 2:03 pm
aaaaaqweqweqwe SILVER, Somewhere, Illinois
6 articles 0 photos 67 comments

Pretty good, just one hting that bugged me.

the line "so intricately intertwined" doesnt really fit the beat of the rest of the poem. I'm not sure how you could change that to fit, but I'm sure you'll think of something :)