i am awaking on a beach. i hear only the sounds of crashing waves and blowing wind. I sit up and look around. I am lying on a royal blue blanket that looks rough but is soft to the touch. I sit up and look around to see nothing that is familiar, but its like ive been here before. The sky is an odd, pleasent gray and the sand is a muddy tan. It looks wet, but when i step on it, it crumbles beneath my foot. I sit up and look around. there is no usual litter thats on a beach, but it is clean and well kept. i begin walking along the shore to explore the unknown ahead. I havent gone more than 10 feet when i hear my name being called. i hear it being carried on the wind and turn around. There stands the man i thought was dead. i am overwhelmed with emotion. he says nothing but opens his arms. i run into them and hold him tight. i havent seem him like this in years; he is happy, shaven and healthy. There is no ominous glow of the effect of alcohol. i inhale his comforting smell of tobacco and campfire smoke.
after a while i pull away.
"i thought you were dead! everyone misses you so much! especially mom." i cry into his shoulder.
"i am, i just wanted to say good bye" with that he kisses my forehead and begins to fade. i knew it was too good to be true. i scream as he fades into the nothing.
"good bye, my favorite niece."
i fall to the ground sobbing. he was in my grasp! the last thing i thought of him was that he was such a burden to my, our, family and wished he would die. i obviously regret it.
"I'm sorry!" i cry to the stormy sky. as my tears break loose, so does the rain. it falls on my face drop by drop and i calms me for some reason. When i am through, i stand up and walk back. but then there it is again. my name carries on the wind in another voice i have not heard in many years. I cannot help but turn, aand there stands my father. i choke back the sob that catches in my throat.
"daddy?"
he nods. i want to run but i just know he is going to disappear, so i stay where i am. seeing i wont move, he begins to walk toward me. as he walks i examine him; he looks healthy and happy. outside of this dream world he is angry and unhappy. this father i see before me looks genuinely glad to see me. he gives me a look i havent seen in so long, i barely recognize it: it is pride. then he embraces me. i hold him back tightly and silently cry into his shoulder.
"why did you change, dad?" i ask him
"People change sweetie, sometimes for the worst, sometimes for the better. i couldnt help that i changed for the worst. i am sorry for all the pain i have caused you."
i shake my head and hold him tighter.
"im going to leave now, okay?"
"what?!"
"don't worry, i will come back everytime you call me in your dreams. i love you, so much. Dont you foget that"
i nod and let him disappear. this dream was a test of emotions. i have missed the most two influential men in my life so much, that only my dreams can bring them back to console me. ever since the divorse my father has been proud of only one thin: himself. then, a few months ago, my uncle killed himself. no on to this day knows why, but he did. he was a terribly ill man and we all miss him. but now i know i can see him in my dreams, my fantasia.












i realize that this is a dream of paradise and nightmare, life has taught me that. for all the suffering i have gone through, i turn to my loved ones to make it better, even though they may have changed or have died. i was so close to changing for the worst and i might have slipped. but now i know, thatnks to my passed uncle and hidden father; i can change for the better