Legs bouncing 

hands shaking

I feel my hair stick up on my legs and arms 

this cold feeling of my adolescence fades

and the warm morning glaze of new horizons washes over me 

all the things I used to love 

The teddy bear that still sleeps next to me at night 

waking up without caring

fearing 

longing for that smell of sterile school air 

Getting excited to wake up

and pick out an outfit that clearly didn't match 

But these feelings have faded

traveled south 

flown away with the same chirps from the birds that woke me up on those old spring mornings

this sinking feeling grows in my stomach 

leaving me nauseous 

trembling 

the same way my legs and hands do

and no medicine I take seems to be fixing it 

I think back to those same simpler times that have migrated away

That stupid bubblegum cough syrup

sticky and too saturated 

the one that would linger on my tongue 

its sticky residue would dance along my throat 

I never would’ve thought I wanted those sticky, silly, bubblegum days back 

But as i stand at the medicine cabinet 

and the old bottle of cough syrup stares back at me

I know no medicine will fix me

So I crawl back to my bed

and hug my teddy bear close to my chest

the same teddy bear I used to hold 

and suddenly the stick, silly, bubblegum feeling comes back

I think i'll let it stay for a while

i'm not sure if it’ll heal my throat

but it will at least heal my heart