Why does laughter dance through my days, filling the air with its joyful melody, only to be silenced by the tears that stain my pillow at midnight, when the house is quiet and my thoughts grow loud?

Why does reality choose to hit me when I’m delicate and far away from those I could call upon?

When I choose silence I seem “unwell”

And they ask if I'm alright, their concern like a gentle touch on my wounded soul,

Trying to gather every bit of hope left

But when my words flow freely like a river they say all I do is yell

When I turn to laughing out they say I laugh too much

And what exactly do they want from me? Tears?

Why do they not see the depth within me, the need to express and connect?

Sometimes, during that moment shadows appear on the wall, I feel like utter rubbish, comparing my life to others, as if every finger is the same length. But I know deep down that my journey is unique, filled with its own triumphs and challenges.

But why can’t I ignore that voice telling me I’m worthless?

I try to find something to do with my time 

hoping to ease my pain and get things off my mind

And I know that I’m not perfect

They say life has its ups and downs, like a rollercoaster ride that takes us through exciting highs and heartbreaking lows. Yet, it feels like my ride only knows the way down, the ups becoming short moments, overshadowed by the downs.

Why do I question my very existence, my purpose in this universe, and the feelings others hold for me? Am I not deserving of love and acceptance, just as I am? These thoughts move mad within my head and my heart, seeking validation and understanding.

And why do I find myself attached, giving so much of myself, pouring my heart and soul into relationships, only to receive the bare minimum in return? It's as if I'm a waterfall of love, but my cup remains empty, longing to be filled.

Tears continue to slide down my cheeks every night it gets quiet and lonely, each drop a proof to the pain and longing within. I yearn for freedom, for a release from this unending cycle that keeps me trapped. But I know that healing takes time, and that each tear shed is a step towards healing.