This or that. 

I have always had trouble deciding 

Who am I or more accurately what am I? 

a question I am so often asked. 

I’m mixed. I am Mexican. I am black 

But I’m not so Mexican and I’m not so black

my peers have labeled me without my consent 

there is an invisible label plastered on me 

that everyone else but me can see 

white-washed. because people get confused 

my skin is brown but my voice 

It doesn’t spit out the typical slang 

but regardless of my proper vocabulary 

I still am the one who is followed in the store 

with a group of my caucasian friends

and I will never quite fit into an exact category 

Whether my hair is straight. or curly. or in braids 

because I’ll never be able to please my people

I walk past a group of Mexican kids and they don’t bother looking at me

why can’t they sense it on me 

that I go home every day to tacos and enchiladas

that my name is Mija at home and I share 

the same experiences as them 

and when I walk past the black girls 

they give me a forced smile 

a you-look-like-us-but-you-aren’t-us 

kind of look 

but I am them. in ways that they don’t know 

little did they know I got the police talk too 

to never talk back to a cop and not to wear my hood up 

we are connected even though we don’t hang out after school 

and the white kids take me in like a make-a-wish project 

oh poor you. what are you? can I touch your hair?

so where do I go?

what do I say when they ask 

what are you? 

I am me. not so Mexican and not so black 

but I am so Mexican and i am so very black