I'm glad you're happy now

I hope it stays that way

I'm glad I'm happy too - 

glad that I no longer write poems

about the taste of little red pills

stuck on my tongue and

sloshing in my stomach

glad that waking up

no longer feels as if I'm returning

to the grave

But through it all,

I never thought 

happiness cost so much

didn't know that what saves 

is the same as what breaks

through it all, 

I always thought things would never change

I never thought

I'd say goodbye

But chewed nails and Band-Aids

But sidewalk chalk and ashes

all these things I worshipped

are leaking gas into my lungs

I couldn't know then

what I know now

that I'd have to kill

what kept me alive

It wasn't safe to stay

A burnt child loves the fire

and it was warm enough to save

and you'll never know

how I begged to stay

you can blame

these cut ties on me

you can hate,

I won't blame you

But through it all,

I still miss the pain

through it all,

I'm fighting every day

I didn't know

happiness cost so much

But through it all,

at least now I'm safe