I looked around like a lost sheep, far away from its flock.

Then I found you.

You gave me one of your famous smiles and I felt my unease waver.

Feelings were known and a friendship blossomed.

We would talk about life and the way things make you feel.

And I would listen for hours, just hearing your voice was enough to keep the darkness at bay.

You became the person I relied on,

the person I trusted the most.

You always found a way to make my heart soar over the clouds and through the sky.

When I realized what these feelings were I was terrified.

So I repressed those feelings of love and longing so we could stay friends.

Then time flew by and you fell in love,

With someone else.

I put on a pretty smile and grinned through the pain as I watched you walk with them,

Hand in hand.

It was at that moment that I learned that I never deserved your love,

I don’t even think I deserve your friendship.

So I treasured every moment you gave me.

Every second glace, every comforting word, and every single second you were with me.

I was content to be your shoulder to cry on when your relationship crumbled.

I was content with the small acts of affection you gave me.

I was content with the way you looked at me,

Not with love but something else.

You looked at me with admiration and some part of me never wanted you to stop.

Even though I was and still am content with being your friend, I always wanted more.

I would dream of you holding my hand and looking at me like you used to look at her.

I wanted to hug you for longer than a few seconds without it being weird between us.

I dream that I have the courage to look you in the eyes and tell you how much I care about you.

I dream of that moment we could have had.

Where your hand would brush mine in the hallway when we got a little too close.

I know I’m falling in love with you, but I don't want to.

I want to keep the friendship and keep my heart safe.

But my heart and mind are in constant war about you.

My heart wants me to be happy and take the risk, but my mind screams at me to be reasonable.

I don’t want to be in love with you, but I know I am.

You make me want to scream out of joy and cry tears of gold.

Falling in love with you was easy, but it was watching you love so countless other people.

Other than me.

Everyone else was easier to love, but you never even spared my love a second glimpse.

Why can you never see me, my feelings.

Why can’t you are about me the way you have cared about so many people.

I'm falling in love with you, but don’t want to love you.

I’m scared to love you.

I know everything that makes you the way you are. 

But I also know your flaws, and what scares me is that I love you for them.

I love you, and its hard to stop.