there was a point in my life

where it all seemed to hurt

I was so lost

But I was comfortable

Finally I stopped

I went to a church that changed me

and then I was new

Or I thought I was

Now I wonder..

I’m falling back into old habits

I’m too scared to stay out there

out of my comfort zone

because what if it hurts

They tell me I’m loved

they tell me I’m Forgiven

but these old habits

The way they eat at me

It feels like He preys on my struggle

I feel like I can’t control it

I feel like I can’t breathe

Why do my habits consume me

Why do they make me rot

I feel like a vegetable

not a pretty, ripe, nice vegetable

more like one that’s wilting

from sitting in the sun for hours

It’s been forgotten and left

sometimes I wonder if that is me

Am I forgotten and left?

Or do I forget and leave?

Now I am lost

I’m not sure how to stop

I’m not sure I can

I’m falling back

And I don’t know how to get back up

Maybe it’s all me

It’s all my fault

but God I know it is

Maybe it’s because I left

Would I struggle like this

Again

If I would just submit?

I already know the answer

But how do I do that

when there’s so many people 

that could help me

that I could help

But they’re not on the right side

Or they’re just as lost as me

How

Do

I 

Stop

?

I’m so lost