i can give you anything, i said

so…you made me give you everything. 

it’s the same as taping up a cracked window

or using staples to fix a hole in your dress.

it’s not fixed

just hidden

if not made more visible. 

i wish i were a hot air balloon

soaring through the sky

never too close or far,

around the world, i’d fly.

i need the taste of freedom on my tongue

or else i’ll never be satisfied

but i guess that’s too bad, because as long as i’m here

i’ll never be unbound from any harm or deny.

i love this, i love that

well i guess love lost purpose then

why am i like this?

i sit in my room

the lights are off

the air is chilly but warm.

i shiver

as if a spirit has made its way

through the depths of my soul.

when i look in the mirror

i hate what i see.

i want to see just a bit clearer

and then leave myself be. 

i have friends

but i’m lonely. 

is that bad?

i don’t particularly

feel upset about it

so should i be sad?

give me pixie dust,

a shower of sparkles.

i want to live life

in a way that’s surreal

and whimsical.

i am in love with

the idea of what life should be,

not what it is for me. 

my music pumps through my blood 

but my emotions; instead they flood. 

i feel like a cage of water

but i guess that’s weird

because water flows right out

the bars of a cage. 

it’s so cold. 

the air, life…

everything. 

i am like cake. 

you take a bite of me

and say-

okay

that was interesting

tinkerbell has always been there for peter.

and peter?

he chose wendy. 

i’m not living. 

i’m just surviving. 

what should i be giving?

i just wish to be thriving…

let me tell you a secret, she says

but she never does

and i’m left wondering…

i know no one has to give up

the crumbling wall of shadows

that differentiate us

but at least take off the mask

or just a layer

so we’re exposed to each other’s

true selves. 

we should all have our own 30 second trailers

so we can see what we’re getting ourselves into

before actually mixing with the drama

and karma

of this so called

‘life’. 

is death just darkness?

just a void?

a sad abyss

that we succumb to?

why are we forbidden from obtaining the answers to life?

no one cares about anything else.

no one should care about anything else. 

when i take a shower

i can’t seem to balance 

the heat of the water.

it goes cold

then too hot.

is this a sign of real life imperfection?

nothing is real.

it’s an illusion. 

i’m not here

you’re not here

we’re not here

and we shouldn’t be here, either.  

good morning,

good night. 

it’s all good, i guess. 

whatever.