I just want to hate you..

seeing your sleepy eyes

pretending I’m ok being friends

I hate this so much

I hate the acting

but I have to do it because 

Fake it til you make it, right?

I’ve been told that for so much more than heartbreak

but for this one heart that you broke

i can’t help but hesitate

how do I know that it will work

I know it hasn’t for the past 10 months

but I know it takes time

getting over you is one of the hardest things

that I’ve ever had to do

and it’s one that takes much longer than you think

loving you from naive age

to five years later

and finally you love me

and it only took ten days for you to fall out of love

even though it’s taking me more than that in months

so what made you love me in the first place?

was it because of my body or your desire to have a girlfriend?

was it a dare or peer pressure?

can you tell me what it was?

I hate looking at you and seeing what I wish was

I hate looking at you and seeing what I want

I want to look at you and see you

But to be honest, 

I don’t even want to look at you

I don’t want to see you when I do

why do you have to torture me?

why do you make me want to hold you?

you’re all I can think of when I go to sleep

I know you don’t see it

I know you don’t see how you affect me

but I know you know I miss you

can’t you just have some compassion for me

because seeing you talking to the Heather

is just as good as ripping my heart out of my chest and tearing it in two

How could you do it?

When you know how much I love you

When you know how much you mean to me 

Why would you do it?

I thought we would last

but I guess if I thought about it we were just too different

I hate having to lose you 

because all I want is to hold you 

but you want to hold her

and I said it was okay

because you like her

and you’re so much more similar

I never stood a chance

not when you could have the Heather

and not when you have her

I just want to hate you..