How come you didn’t come to me when your disease covered your eyes and made it seem like everything was a fraud,

 when you cried and cried in the middle of the night I didn’t know what to say,

 I felt it wasn’t my place, 

when did your comforting words become empty alcohol bottles on the floor, 

when did your health become the cigarette smell in the car, 

since when did you know best, 

when you dragged us to new york saying god had shared his plan with you, 

when you lost control and screamed and cried, 

While I held you close,

 you were my mother not the other way around, 

so what gives you the right to say you know best when you can’t take care of your health, 

when you yelled you know best you made a big mess in my mind and the world,

 when did you become my mother gothel, 

I can’t help but feel it’s also my fault, 

Maybe because I always believed that you were capable of change,

 but in this case, change was not in your path, 

Just know, 

I’ll never say it was all in the past, 

Cause I still have nightmares of that night,

Of walking in the dark thinking I would be forgotten,

Forever frozen in that night,  

Sometimes I think I'm my own mother gothel.