I am no longer writing
to prove something and
I am no longer writing
to try and kill the sadness

I am writing
not to suppress something
but to understand it
and I am no longer writing
to convince you I am not unlovable
because I am no longer writing
for anyone besides
myself

I am writing because
I saw someone with tattoos and
purple hair at my doctor's office
and they smiled like they knew
a secret to life that I
don't yet and I am writing because
poetry tastes like gas station hot dogs
with jalapenos and I have a shirt
that used to smell like steak sauce
and firework smoke
(and another that used to smell like
bonfires and ranch)

I am no longer living only
out of spite and
someday I will write poetry
about what hope tastes like