If only the sun had shone brighter,

Illuminating rain, cutting

Sharp and swift;

If only the cars had let me pass

Crowded streets of angry drivers and

A body holding onto life;

If only my footsteps had carried me

Past wind and fresh sleet

To fluorescent lights, dirty tiles, a little quicker;

If only the descent wasn’t riddled with doubt,

Picturing your hand in

That of someone else’s;

If only I was able to wait for your train

Without thinking of drought,

Of incessant decay, of her;

If only I had seen you

Slip

Beyond me

Up the stairs without turning back

And if only, if only-

If only you had stayed,

Laughed in your voice of bells

As you led me to your arms.