Have you ever thought you knew someone?

Their darkest secrets

all the way to their bones?

Then they said something

you didn't think they'd say 

and it turns you inside-out?

You feel all dark already,

but now you're even more so

plethoras of days on end.

And no one notices 

that you're not feeling okay

they keep pushing and pulling you apart

with mean words they sarcastically say

In a teasing way?

And you just want to cry 

Can't they hear the sigh in my voice?

The tiredness

under my eyes?

The eyes that are also red-rimmed

from unfallen tears?

I wouldn't have cared 

if she just hadn't figured out my clues

I would've thought it was cute.

What hurt me was

she already knew

yet she feigned ignorance

and kept flirting

making me think

there was hope 

that's what made me mad

and sad

and lonely

for if a girl so wonderful 

coould do something so spiteful

to someone already

so filled with dark thoughts

who gave her heart

to someone who handed it back

full of splinters

made me think

why?

Why must the world

keep beating back against me

haven't I faced my demons enough times?

I just want a break from it all.

I had showed my tru self,

something I rarely do,

to a girl I liked

but

I 

don't

know

why 

I 

thought

she 

liked

me 

too.

Haven't 

I 

learned?

There wil never be a place for me

the Outcast

Queer

Smart 

Reading

Depressed

Angry

Misunderstood

Messed-up

me.

My walls are slowly closing in

I'm out, so why does it feel

like I'm in a closet?

Or a room

padding lining the encloser.

Just one step to freedom

to leave this cage forever

but I always falter

always fall.

The stroemisn't over

it's only just begun

and everythings in shades of gray

no colors left

dark only darker.

Any spark i'm given

quickly snuffed out

Those words you've told me a hundred times?

I've told myself a thousand.

I promised I'd never cry

in front of someone else

but you saw

and you only brought questions

questions I don't have answers for yet.

Don't follow me

you'll only get sucked into my whirpool of spiraling thoughts

which leads to the darkest lands

and I wouldn't want you to do that for me.

Instead,

let me go

I'm one in seven million

I'm no one

I never will be

I've chosen my path

Let me walk it alone

Another speck of stardust lost to the wind.