Some may understand

and some may not

Just how it is to love 

a monster.

When I wake in the morning

she is there, on the couch

not a human person, but a shell.

I go about my morning

trying to forget the words she told me 

just the day before.

Wrapping a band-aid around my heart 

to ease the pain of those words that stung. 

I go to school and it is sad

that I like it there more than my house

that is no longer a home

solely because of her.

When I come back she is there

a different person from this morning.

And that is when I know.

The need to smell her breath

or check for hidden bottles

is not there.

I can simply tell by the way she asks me

if I want to eat anything before work.

In her sickly sweet voice

and her cowering in the corner.

I just respond and say "no,"

not wanting to have a conversation with this leech

this shell.

Before I leave the house once more

whispered words are said in a rush

to my younger brother.

"Don't you dare 

get in her car.

If you need anything.

Call. Me."

Innocent eyes look up at me and he nods

and I'm sure my older siblings saw the same thing

but with me in former years. 

It doesn't matter how many fights we get in

what her previous sober date was.

I will always love this monster.

This monster that is my mother.