If I could write forever,
I’d tell of a darkened past.
A little girl caught up in hate,
but somehow still in tact.
She’s hiding somewhere In me,
her fears become my own.
She thrives in the chaos
but loves to be alone.

If I could write forever,
I’d name the brilliant cause.
The reason for these markings,
the gain within my loss.
Describe his fading face
and recall my childish tears,
take back all the hateful thoughts
that consumed me for two years.

If I could write forever,
I’d breakdown at her name.
Shudder at the memories
that will never be the same.
The promises we thought we meant
turned out to be empty lies;
the anger that you held
when I forced our last goodbye.

If I could write forever,
I’d reveal my deepest fear.
Once I’ve never spoken aloud,
and I’ll only mention here.
They told me everything,
things I didn’t want to know.
But I can’t help but wonder
if it’s all for show?

If I could write forever,
I’d ramble about that kiss.
The spark that lit the fire,
the love I could have missed.
That boy changed my world
and he’s still so dear to me.
He showed me so much,
he taught me to believe.

If I could write forever,
I’d admit the secret pain.
The kind that’s not quite there,
but I feel it just the same.
The sickened feeling in my heart,
the crawling of my skin.
Years have passed with nothing new
to ease the knot within.

If I could write forever,
I’d stumble at the present.
The confusion that consumes me
and knowing that I let it.
Mistakes have been made,
but regrets have not yet surfaced.
Drowning me is all the pressure
that I’ve set to be perfect.