Something I outgrew was pleasing people before myself. I was in a time where I let people walk all over to please themselves . No matter how I felt about something if another person wanted me to do it I would. You could call me a people pleaser I guess. During this time it was as if I craved their approval and happiness, I thought if they were happy I was happy. It was like everything I did was for other people not for myself. It was so bad I didn't even know who I was as a person. I changed the way I dressed and acted differently to people who I claimed were my friends I turned my back on them and didn't look back.

In the 6th grade I went was far as even changing the type of music I liked and dressing goth because everyone else was doing it. I even tried self harming myself because a girl I knew was doing it and for some dumb reason I thought we could bond over it. There was one incident where one of my supposed friends didn't like another girl for some odd reason I don't really remember but the other girl was my friend and I really liked her. One day I got so caught up I wrote her a little note calling her a hoe and questioned how she could steal somebody's boyfriend right under them and sleep at night and how she wasn't a real Christian because of what she did. This was all in middle school and really childish but to this day I look back and think about what I did. I lost a really good friendship over nothing and what I got in return wasn't so great. The girl turned out to be fake and a little bit racist but that's not the point. Yes the girl and I reconnect but it was never the same. I feel this incident kinda opened the gate to reality for me.

I think it was 8th grade year that I decided to forget about everyone's opinion and just do me. It was was a long journey to, on this journey I learned how lost and confused I was. I learned that I knew nothing about myself, people would ask me what's my favorite color, food or hobbies and I always came up with i don't know. As I grew more I figured out what I liked and didn't. I actually stood up for what I wanted and didn't back down. There were many times I actually clashed with people because of my new found opinions but I didn't care because I was actually happy. Now that I'm 17 I look back at my middle school years and am glad I changed. I'm not the little push over anymore I'm a strong headed intelligent person that stands by her beliefs no matter what anyone thinks. One piece of information I could give to someone is to never change the way they are for other people. To never look over their happiness to please someone else's because at the end of the day you yourself won't be happy you may think you are but you're really not.