Why did this happen to me? Was it my fault? Alone and scared. Adrenaline rushing, my hands quivering, tears swelling my eyes. My heart pounding so hard it’s on the verge of exploding.
Embarrassed and speechless. Violated and misused. Feeling emotionless and shocked. Not one single movement. It’s as if I died on the spot.

My soul dispersed leaving a body on the earth. A look upon my eyes that casted an unforgettable look. A look with misery and sorrow. Pain that came within the heart and soul.

My body cold, as cold as the ice in the Artic. Goose bumps running down my back, my hair on my arms raised from disgust. My heart in pieces, like shattered glass on the pristine wood floor. Nobody to turn to because my consciousness filled with shame. Shame from letting it happen to me.
Scared of the world. Scared of myself. My mind racing with thoughts. Thoughts that will turn someone sane to insane. Having this secret so big, so dangerous with no one to turn to from the embarrassment.

What do I do? Who do I talk to? The answer is nothing and no one. I wouldn’t dare let myself talk to anyone. So alone and fearful I remain. Jumping at every noise, crying from every thought. Left alone I want to be. By myself staring at the walls in my room.

Four walls. Walls that were the color of an off shade blue. Every wall so symmetrical to all the others. I lie in bed staring at it all day with a blank stare. No desire to eat. My appetite was killed. Just like hunters killed animals for their food. Depression so strong. It took over my body. Not having the desire to acquire with anything.

I am able to feel my cold blood running through my veins. Nonchalantly. The life sucked out of me. Like a vaccume cleaner sucking up all the dirt leaving a trace of a freshly cleaned for. Bags under my eyes from restless nights of sleep. No desire to sleep. All I was able to think about was that day.

That day I was raped. Leaving me feel taken advantage of. I felt worthless. Just like a penny is worthless to a millionaire.