Does your partner embarrass you with put-downs? Does he/she shove, slap, or choke you? Do they make all the decisions or threaten to kill you? If so, you are a victim of domestic violence. Domestic violence can happen to anyone, and there are many things we can do to stop this problem.

Women are the most common gender that experiences domestic violence. One in four women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime, and about 1,400 women die every year because of it. But domestic violence can also happen to men, people of different religions, races, and same sex marriages. Domestic violence is violent or aggressive behavior within the home, typically involving the violent abuse of a spouse or a partner. Domestic violence is a problem because men and women shouldn’t wake up every day with the threat of someone physically, sexually, psychologically, economically, or emotionally harming them. Most domestic violence cases are never reported, because the one being abused, mainly women, are too scared to say something, or they were threatened by their abuser and are worried about being killed. An abuser will try to limit the people their partner talks to. The victim then becomes isolated from friends and family. Domestic violence just doesn’t hurt partners, it also hurts the families. More than three million children experience domestic violence in their home. Boys who experience domestic violence are more likely to become abusers when they’re older, and girls are more likely to become victims when they’re older, and more tolerant to pain. Kids who experience domestic violence are more likely to have health problems such as being sick more often, being more tired, and experiencing headaches and recurring stomach aches.

There are domestic violence cases that are more mild, like a few punches and kicks here and there. But there are also more severe cases, like an article I read about an eighteen-year-old girl. She was in three violent relationships in a row, and in her last relationship after a brutal beating, she knew that she had to get out of there. Later that night when she was in bed, she waited to hear the sound of her partner snoring so she’d knew he was fast asleep. Then she quietly walked out of her bedroom and bolted out of the house. She ran across the street and was able to call the police.

If you’re thinking of staying in your relationship because you think you abuser will change, it is very likely that he/she will not. If an abuser always begs for forgiveness after every beating, the abuser is trying to get in the victim’s mind and keep them from leaving. If the victim forgives the abuser, the abuser will be kind to the victim for days, weeks, even months before he/she snaps and starts the cycle of beatings all over again. Most victims are afraid to leave their abusive partners because when they leave, they are worried about where they’ll go after, and how they’ll support their children. Many women will go to a women’s shelter for help. Here they will have a roof over their head, food on their plate, and they will be able to find a job, so that they can support their children and start a new chapter of their life. The first step in getting help is to tell someone you trust.

If you are a victim of domestic violence and are planning to escape, look for these characteristics in your abuser. Look for signs that the abuser is starting to get mad, and might attack, come up with believable reasons that you can leave the house, day or night, if you ever feel like you’re going to be harmed. If your abuser ever starts to attack, never run to a room that is closed spaced like a closet, or a room with any weapons. Always run to a room with a phone, a door, or window that leads outside. If you have children, make a code word (ex.alert), and your children will know to call the police if necessary. Have things like money, clothes, phone numbers, and documents at the place you are planning to escape to such as your parents, or friend’s house.

Helpguide.org is an amazing website that has a lot of information about how, and when, to escape. Just remember if you’re ever in a violent relationship, you are not the cause to your abuser’s behavior and you deserve a safe and happy life. You deserve to be treated with respect, and you’re not alone, 1.3 million women around the world feel your pain. And if you’re the parent, or friend of a domestic violence victim, always be supportive of them, give them advice, and encourage them to go to counseling. But one important thing to know is you can never make the person leave their abuser, they have to make that decision. I know its sad to see someone you love go through this much pain, but it’s their decision on what they want to do with their life, and its your job to help them find peace. There are many ways to stop this problem because, love should never hurt end the silence on domestic violence.