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Hail to the New Year
As I entered my senior year this year I knew what I wanted. But really, did I? I wanted to be homecoming queen, ASB officer, captain of my volleyball team, and overall I wanted to be the typical "popular girl" everyone thinks of. Very soon I came to the realization these are things I could never be... but do I really want to be these things or did society want me to be these things? I barely have enough friends to have a halfway decent social life, I could never be homecoming queen. I now work two jobs and barely sleep as it is, the time to be an ASB officer would put me past a breaking point. I'd rather coach a volleyball team than be on the team, and the idea of being "popular" is exhausting just thinking about it.
Instead I'm Angel. A girl who is a little above average student but tries to make up for it by putting my own twist on things. A girl who cannot play sports due to injury but finds joy in helping others win their games by managing. A girl who will give her all to others and end up breaking down from over working. I want to be the perfect highschool student, and I believe that's what society expects for me as well. I fought who I was to please everyone else in my life.
Senior year gave me clarification that it will come to an end. You go into highschool thinking it will last forever and still knowing in the back of your head that someday it will end. Senior year you see it. The finish line, a flashy gold ribbon you break through while the people around you supporting you and cheering you on, or in boring terms graduation. You finally get to see this is it. Parents question you on your plans, teachers make comments about the real world, and your friends start to separate because you'll never see them again most likely.
I think this time is huge for you as a person but what its most is the new year in January. This hits harder because some people will stay in denial at the beginning of senior year. January you have college application deadlines. The deadline that ends most of your decisions you can make for the next two to ten years of your life. For me, it made me realize that most of my friends are not planning on going anywhere. They either have not been it with the rock of "figure your lifeout" or they don't care where they are going.
The new year helps me grow as a person because I can see my future. I can see the people I'll forget in ten years and the ones I'll see for the next four years. I will still be the person who gives my all for everyone and be the person who now understands what I really want. However, now I'll know how I can truly make the larger difference to people's lives. And all I will hope for my future is to be happy with what I do.
In the future people will ask about my highschool experience. I'll tell them this... no one is perfect and to be perfect is not enough. We make mistakes, we break down, we lose our sight on the prize, and friends don't always last. It's not how my highschool experience was, it's what I learned from this experience and who the person I will become. I’m Angel... just Angel.
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