I can’t wait until America is Great Again—the white supremacy, the racism and stereotyping; everyone will be billionaires. It will be a perfect resemblance of the awesome, love-filled, and segregated 1950s. I may only be speaking for myself, but I know that I’m stoked to see history repeat itself. No man is more capable of accomplishing this for America than the great Donald Adolf Trump—I mean, Donald John Hitler. Excuse me, Donald John Trump. The Donald has told America that there is no other man on this earth that can build a wall the way he can, which no one should doubt. He’s reminded us (too many times) that his IQ is extremely high, that he attended an Ivy League university, and that he’s simply superior to any other candidate. For these reasons, plus countless more, it’s obvious that voting for Trump is the way to go.
        

The Donald plans to deport 11 million people, and although that might seem like a crazy number, remember that all these people are rapists, drug dealers, and criminals—unlike his immigrant ancestors, the Drumpfs, who migrated from the German Empire in 1885 (his own family being winegrowers, and as we all know, this country is in dire need of wine). Drumpf is right: Mexico, for instance, isn’t sending its best people. Illegal immigrants are parasites! That is, if you define a parasite as someone who will perform the jobs that white collar professionals won’t for low pay and ridiculously long hours. Trump helps those like himself (powerful businessmen) remain on top. Large corporations continue to make great profit as they benefit from the parasites’ low pay, so maybe we can make one last bit of profit as they build the next Great Wall—excuse me, the Greatest Wall. Making America great again is about getting rid of anyone who isn’t white, so it’s time to forget “The Land of the Free” and adapt to the modern world. It’s time to listen to the greatest, wealthiest man alive (Forbes must have been wrong two years in a row when it declared Mexican businessman Carlos Slim the wealthiest man in the world, but of course, he’s an immigrant and we must kick him out of his Manhattan mansion).
        

Adolf Hitler, the leader of the richest, most successful Germany we will ever know, began his tyranny by placing blame on the Jewish community for Germany’s loss in World War I. Relevance? Trump attended a “Hitler 101: How to be the Greatest Leader” course and placed blame on the Muslim community for America’s troubles. Rather than facing the nation’s problems internally, Trump realizes that it is better to place the blame on Islam—logical, right? Claiming that he personally witnessed thousands of Muslims getting a kick out of the September 11, 2001 tragedy, Trump seems to tell the truth and only the truth. I trust him and his judgment because he’s real, he says what he thinks. Who else publically degrades women, mocks the disabled, and is blatantly racist? That’s right, no one. Frankly, this proves that Donald Trump’s leadership is needed because not only will he insult anything or anyone who gets in his way, but he’ll speak the truth.
        

Failure? No, the word is not in Donald’s vocabulary. After he launched Trump Airlines—which, by the way, provided planes with chrome seatbelt latches, cream leather sofas, and queen-sized beds (nothing out of the ordinary)—he bettered the lives of the average American and changed the world for the better by providing the change to travel in such a luxurious manner. Trump University undoubtedly did the same. For a small cost of $35,000 a year, students at Trump University received higher education at Harvard-quality, until everyone realized it was a total scam and that a Trump degree meant nothing. And how could I forget his marriages? The Donald’s been married three times, but perhaps third time’s a charm.
        

There is no better candidate than the American Idol, Donald Trump. He’s a self-made billionaire (despite the small loan from his father of one million dollars that got him started), who came from the cold streets of Queens, New York. He gets us. He empathizes with us. He’s built an empire for himself, so logically, he’ll be able to fix the American economy and maximize our money. Although he’s never worked for anyone but himself, I trust him to take on the hardest job in the world and work for the American people. Without any prior political experience, Trump knows about foreign policy, international trade, taxes, social security, legislature, and law enforcement—the man’s a genius! I would do anything to see The Donald run this country, I believe in him that much. You should too.