To all the girls who look at me funny because I get excited about Doctor Who: can you please not? I am sorry that I do not conform to an age that worships Pretty Little Liars, pumpkin spice lattes, and Instagram. I understand that your whole teenage way of life is jeopardized each time a girl chooses not to abide by your standards, but please, I mean you no harm. For us to coexist peacefully, some ground rules need to be set. Weird people and normal people can all get along.

While I know it is first nature to stare at things you do not understand, please know that there is a time limit. If I am entertaining the thought of California seceding from the Union and conversing with my friends about the subject, a few seconds is allotted to satisfy your curiosity. Anything after that is considered rude and gives me complete clearance to stare back. Be warned though, I will stare at you until you are uncomfortable. I will stare at you until my eyes are sore. I will stare at you until I AM uncomfortable. My stubborn weird girl ways have shaved away any dignity that has ever been in my possession. I HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE.

Coinciding with the first thought, if you stare for the appropriate amount of time, please do not immediately turn to whomever you are with and begin recounting what you literally just heard. At least not while you are within earshot of me. I know there is nothing I can do to make you think I am not weird, but for the sake of common decency, wait until you are out of the ?vicinity before discussing who I am and what I take pleasure in. I already know I am abnormal in what I enjoy, and I do not believe I asked for you for your point of view. If you feel the need to exploit how and why I am strange to my face, I have no problem with that. I do not even see anything wrong with you talking about my atypical behavior when I am nowhere around. I caution you who speak about me: If I can hear you talking about me, this also gives me license to stare at you as aforementioned.

If you are feeling brave enough, please, make a face at me. Now, I am too nice of a person to actually say anything about your what-in-the-wide-world-of-sports-is-that-creepy- weird-girl-talking-about face. Instead, you better be prepared for me to take one of two paths. Either I will go easy on you, and I will simply copy the way your face looks (I apologize if my facial expression looks more severe than the one you gave me, but that’s just my face.). Either that or I will stare at you. Not normal uncomfortable staring, that wouldn’t be enough of a punishment. No, not that but full blown, ugly facing it like no ones business — I mean, I will contort my face into positions that no one, not even myself knew I was capable of. Hades himself would tremble in terror at the visual that is my face.

As you may have noticed, my main tactics of revenge are typically juvenile. This ensures that no one gets hurt, and I get my anger out quickly. I am not one to hold grudges, and I do not appreciate passive-aggressiveness. This is just a way for me to be able to express my frustration and irritation with your inflexible view on me and my menagerie of unusual fascinations.

I am not asking for much here, just tranquility between our two cultures. I do not scoff when you are chatting about how upset you were when Diane posted that selfie you looked terrible in, and you do not roll your eyes when I am upset that my DVD copy of Firefly started skipping. That sounds nice, does it not? Everyone is on equal standing, and we are all tolerant of one another. You do not even have to like what I do, just put up with it. If this were to happen, I would not have to waste my time making faces and staring at you, and you would be saved from the experience of watching me being awkward in order to make you feel awkward. So please, think twice before looking my way, thank you.