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Waiting for Paris
"I didn't realize what I had until I lost it.
I found that out the hard way. I was selfish and not thankful for my life. The little things are what I miss, what everyone misses. The laughter at stupid jokes or the company of someone who you knew had the key to all your secrets but most of all, I miss my best friend. We had met through our parents; our moms had their own clothing line they ran together. Whenever they had to discuss business, LC would come to my house. At first, we didn’t like each other. We fought over Barbie’s and who got what color cup, kid stuff. Then we became older, and realized we liked the same things. Soon, we became inseparable and couldn't get enough of each other. I know it seems we were just any old friends, but it wasn't the same. She was a very outgoing and smart young woman, and it was impossible not to love her, and that's why it's still so hard for me to cope with her death. However, I know she's safe and now we have an angel looking down on us."
That was over three years ago at her funeral. I forced myself to make a speech as I know she would have wanted me too, but it was hard for me. I'm sure you want to know what happened, and until now I wasn't ready to express my feelings about it. I figured the best way for me to comprehend with her death is to write about it, what I enjoy to do.
We were heading to Paris, having the time of our lives like we always did. I was 18 and LC was turning 19, we were celebrating her birthday. My mother had swept up some last-minute tickets to a Marc Jacobs fashion show, and we hopped on a plane. It was perfect, the thought of Paris; shopping, fashion, food and boys. We packed our most ostentatious clothes and kissed our families goodbye, which was the last time LC saw her family.
As we walked into first class we grabbed two seats farthest away from the bathroom, we joked about how smelly it would be. I sat back, relaxed and opened up a magazine, studying styles that I would soon be seeing on the runway. LC hovered over me and admired the model in the midst of India. She said, “I would love to travel to India,” she smiled at me and looked outside the plane window, “there is so many beautiful places and there seems to be so many admirable people.” I really was moved by her words, and ripped out the page to save.
For the next hours on the plane we probably had looked through about thirty magazines. Getting any sleep before Paris was out of the question, we were just too excited. I drew some sketches of dresses and she put her thought into them. We were just like kids again, pretending our designs were going to be published. Except this time, I would actually have a chance to get them out into the world at the fashion show. I told LC how I was living a dream and I was so happy to be spending it with her. She told me the same and we sat in silence for the next hour. Soon we arrived in Italy and had a couple of hours to spare. Here, we went to an authentic Italian restaurant and enjoyed many delicacies. After, we took a walk and shopped along the streets enjoying the atmosphere around us. Soon we were headed back to our plane, where we would soon be closer to the show than ever. We were getting antsy and just wanted to get to Paris!
As we got settled onto our plane, we suddenly felt like we hadn't slept in days. I drifted off into a deep sleep to the sound of the flight attendants nagging voice…”Thank you for traveling on American Airlines!”
Screaming. That’s all I heard when I woke up to passengers scrambling around and panicking. I looked around and noticed LC was out of her seat, what was going on? My heart was beating fast, and I started frantically asking questions in my head. Did someone die? Or was this just a dream that I couldn't wake up from? It was hard to make out what everyone was doing because so many people were up out of their seats and I was still half asleep. Voices screamed into their phones and people gathered their bags. I started to get light headed and the last thing I saw was blackness.
I woke up to a blanket over me and an ice pack on my head. LC was drifting above my face and as soon as she saw me open my eyes her worried expression soon changed to a relieved look. I managed to make some words out of my mouth, which had a Band-Aid above my lip, and asked her what had happened. She told me everything was fine for now and that I was lucky, but I wanted to know more, I know I didn't imagine anything. Knowing I would keep aggravating her she told me in every detail so there was no need for questions. “It started with a little technical difficulty with the plane. The pilot made an announcement that we could be hitting a storm. We were all worried, but were told everything was going to be fine. After about ten minutes, the plane started to sway, and everyone was told to hold tightly and put on their seat belt, that’s when people started to frenzy. The plane seemed to be fine one minute then the next it was like no one was controlling it. Everyone was worried and some even considered jumping, and everyone called their loved ones, then you woke up. Once again, there was not control of the plane and you banged your head and face against the seat and passed out. Not soon after the plane was fine. Were safe now, it was just a rough patch through a storm.” I looked at her, my eyes wide and red. “I slept through all of that?” I asked astonished. She giggled, “I guess you’re a heavy sleeper.” My head started to hurt from all of this sudden information, so I decided to try to doze off for a little.
It had been maybe an hour since the incident, and everyone had calmed down. LC and I were rested up, however we were starving. I clicked the service button above my head and with a blink of an eye there was a flight attendant at my side. “When’s lunch?” LC eagerly asked. The attendant gave an ashamed look and told us all the food had fallen on the ground during the scene. “We managed to save some, but not much. Our pilot was planning to land soon, just to be safe, so it shouldn't be too long until you can access some food. Sorry for the inconvenience.” I mumbled under my breath, yeah sorry for the inconvenience, in her annoying dingy voice. I remembered I had packed a couple of granola bars and I quickly handed one to LC and we tore them open, devouring them like we hadn't eaten in days. We soon realized we had both been eating like animals and started laughing hysterically. As we got our last laughs out, the plane rumbled and everyone looked around motionlessly.
“Blair” LC said to me, shaking. This time all the passengers were quiet, like they were satisfied that they had told every loved one what they meant to them. LC continued to talk to me, “When you were resting I wrote you this letter.” She handed me a perfect folded square, as tears started to run down her face. It was weird, how she was crying. She was always the strong one between us. Now that she was crying, I really knew something was wrong. I could hear the plane’s engine make a sound that didn't sound so healthy. The plane started to descend, and everyone could hear the pilot shouting. The attendant ran out to tell us to fasten our seat belts and that the pilot had lost control of the plane, and then I started to cry. Wasn't it just a few minutes ago I was crying from laughter? Now suddenly the cry had changed as if we had entered a part in the sky that made us depressed. Everyone was sobbing, and LC and I held each other tightly. I knew we didn't have much time; I hadn't even talked to my family. I quickly panicked but knew I couldn't send a text like it was nothing. I looked at LC, “You know I love you forever and always. You were the best friend I could ever ask for. You’re a blessing in my life and I know, if we die, Paris will always be waiting for us.” That was the first time I had really expressed how much I appreciated her. I didn't show it enough, she did entirely though. However, now there was nothing I could do about it. I couldn't make up for it in a matter of time we had until we’d be dead. I started crying so much, the cry when no sound comes out and your eyes are closed for what seems like forever.
The plane flipped, and I could feel the heat of a fire against my skin. We crashed, and I survived? No, this wasn't possible. I slowly opened my eyes, and as I did, light blinded them. It was fire, and automatically I was awake. I tried to move, but my leg was stuck. I looked down to see what was keeping it. It was stuck under a chair and tangled in a seat belt. I noticed blood on the surface of my skin, where my jeans were ripped. I jiggled it around trying to escape, I needed to work faster, it depended on my life. I lifted my upper body up and reached my arms out to try to tug my leg loose. After what seemed like hours, I was free. I looked around at my surroundings and soon saw LC. I crawled over to her, she was awake but I knew it wouldn't be for too much longer. I needed to get out of here, I was severely coughing. With the muscles I barely had, I dragged LC as far as I could to where I knew the plane door was. I came across many dead bodies, blessing each. I saw the door, it was already opened. I stepped out and two others came to help me carry LC out. We needed to help anyone else, I couldn't just sit here and do nothing, there could be others in there! I took a step back into the plane and was stopped as an arm kept me from going any further. “No, don’t.” the tall man said. I looked at him with an angry look, “We can’t just leave them in there” I screamed at him. He pointed at the plane and explained they had already saved whom they could; the fire had gotten to them before they could. As I stared at him, the fire rose, almost catching my foot that was still partially in the plane. All of the survivors backed up and the two men moved LC back. Others watched the burning flames on the plane, and I was by LC’s side. My best friend was dying, right in front of me. She opened her eyes and smiled. She was too weak to talk, but we knew what we would say to each other. I was still crying, and suddenly I felt LC squeeze my hand. I looked at her and her eyes gradually closed. It happened, she had died. It hit me, and once again tears poured down my face. Get me home, I just want to go home! I gazed around me, where were we? Sand was beneath me and I was surrounded by what looked like a jungle. Oh no, we were on an island.
We took what we could from the plane, which was nothing. No one knew how long we would be stuck here, or if we would ever get to leave. There was no impossible way to contact anybody on the outside, and it would be just as hard for anyone to find us. The worst part is, I hate nature. I had never even camped before, unless you count my living room with LC when we were ten, but I guess I would have to learn soon. However, before the rest of the survivors and I made our camp we blessed LC and surrounded her body with flowers in the middle of the beautiful jungle. It was hard for me; everyone knew she was my friend. It was kind, how everyone respected her, even when they had no idea who she was. Despite whether they knew her or not, or any of the others who had died, it didn't matter because they were people too and they had lives. Just to think of the hurting families and friends is so despairing. Any of those people could have been so important to someone or something.
After we paid our respects a couple of other girls and I went into the jungle to find some big leaves and collect some fire wood. There was one man who knew a lot about survival and another one who had been in boy scouts his whole life. It wasn’t cold which was the good thing was, but it was blistering out. The water was safe, but not safe to drink. Most of us hadn’t eaten since breakfast so we tried to find any sign of animals. But I knew no one would eat any animal unless it really came down to it. So we toughed it out and got to know each other. There were eighteen of us, six woman and twelve men. We were all headed to Paris for a variety of different things, two also going to the same fashion show as me. We talked and talked until we were all too tired, and needed to sleep. I helped spread out the big leaves we had collected earlier, and laid them on the sand. This was where I’d be sleeping for tonight, tomorrow, maybe even a week. We were all cuddled up next to each other, complete strangers, with no shelter or blanket. Everyone shuffled around, then after about an hour everyone was sleeping… except for me and another boy who looked about my age. He was the one who had done boy scouts when he was younger, his name was Malcolm. I found him sitting around our fire (well our stick pile) and joined him.
“Can’t get any sleep?” I asked him as I sat cross legged across from him. I could tell I startled him, he thought he was the only one awake.
“Yeah, I don’t know how everyone else can go to sleep. I can’t stop thinking about what happened.” he said. I smiled, I could relate to him.
“Did you know anyone?” I asked curiously. Please say yes, I thought to myself. I wanted to talk to somebody out here, it would be better for me. Just my luck though, his reply wasn’t what I was hoping for,
“No, I’m just really emotional about deaths. It gets me thinking about the innocent lives lost, and how they didn’t deserve such a thing. Why this happened to us, and who should take blame.”
I looked at him surprised. I don’t know why I was surprised, but maybe it was because I never met any boy who was that sensitive. It was a good sensitive though, he had a good heart. But, his good heart was too good for mine so I got up abruptly and walked away. I stopped and turned back to him “No one should” I said, “no one should take blame.” Then I kept walking, and got into bed, I didn’t fall asleep.
The next morning the hunger started hitting everyone. We were parched and needed food. Everyone decided to take a swim to cool us off and get our minds off being hungry. Later on we rested and tried to go to sleep. When we couldn’t, we tried to build a fire. After trying for an hour, we gave up. It was dark already so we sat and talked once again. It was the morning and some of us still were talking. Three of us, including me went looking in the forest for food. When we came back to our “camp” I had collected some berries. The two others had some nuts, none of us knew if they were safe to eat. We placed the food down on a leaf and everyone hesitated, with a berry in there hand. Right before placing them into our mouths we heard it, the sound of a helicopter. Everyone jumped, and waved their arms high in the air. At that moment we had hope. We were all smiling and didn’t even care about being hungry anymore. Just about being saved!
It took longer than we all expected. Once the helicopter landed they gave us food and water. It was a good thing they came when they did, because later we found out the berries were poisonous. However it still took an hour or two for the rescue plane to come. Once it arrived, we were all taken back to JFK airport where we were all greeted with our family members. It was so good to see my family. All of the sudden I appreciated them so much more. I embraced them and I cried. I told them how much I loved them. LC’s family was there also. I gave them hugs and told them I was so sorry. Both of our families went back to my house and we talked. I told them everything that happened. It was a sad night, but happy at the same time knowing I was safe. After I told LC’s family what happened, her family left at about midnight and then for the first night in two days I fell asleep.
The next morning I woke up, and my head was pounding. I was still hungry, so I went downstairs to eat breakfast. There was a note on the kitchen table from my parents saying they were out. I was happy they weren’t here, and they knew I would want to be alone. I was told to do my laundry and to be safe. So I went upstairs and picked up my dirty clothes off the ground. As I did I found the letter LC gave to me in the back pocket of my jeans I had been wearing. I picked it up and held the square in my hand. I didn’t want to read it, not now. I picked up my laundry basket and walked out my door. I wanted to put the letter in a place where I wouldn’t be able to find it. I looked around my hallway and found a frame. It was an old picture of me at my middle school graduation. I opened the frame and put the letter in between the picture and the back of the frame. I placed the picture on the shelf towards the back, and walked back downstairs. After finishing my laundry, I went on a drive to the beach LC and I used to go as kids. I sat on the big rock that we pretended was our ship. I didn’t want to think about her, but I went to the place that reminded me of her. I understood I couldn’t just forget about this, because it had happened and I couldn’t change that.
That’s what happened, and now it was three years. I thoroughly could deal with her departure. I was 21 and moving into my own apartment. I was packing my things up and found the frame. I had forgotten about the letter and didn’t even remember putting it there. As I placed it into the box, it fell out of my hands and cracked. I opened the frame up, and found that neatly folded square, still intact. I assured myself I could read her letter, and so I did.
Blair,
I love you and you are the one person that understood me and my ways. You’re my best friend and sister who I will always love. I want you to know that if I die, I will always be here for you. Also, don’t cry over me, but cry because I came into your life. And don’t cry because it’s over but smile because it happened. Dr.Seuss said that, remember reading his books together? Remember our first big high school party together, or the time when we liked the same guy? Or when we both got sick but still went to the mall? We have so many memories to look back on, and I know if something doesn’t happen today, we will keep making more. But if something does happen to one of us, that we both have already come so far together and have been through a lot together. “I want you to live your life knowing that whatever you do or become someone will be waiting on the other side. And I know you don't like being alone and you won't be. I'll be in your heart.” You are a beautiful person and keep shining.
Love,
LC ♥
I smiled, I didn’t cry. I was happy that I hadn’t read the letter when I found it. I folded it back up and as I did, I noticed something on the back of the paper. It read;
“When good Americans die, they go to Paris.” –Oscar Wilde
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