Anyways, as I was getting ready for tuition, Amman called and we started talking. Dad was at office and mum wasn’t at home. She’d left while I was asleep. Only Arjun was home, so I didn’t care about getting caught talking on the phone all the time. As if I care! Amman asked me where do I have my tuitions and I told him that there’s this tuition centre close to my house, and I have my tuitions there. Then he told me the exact location where he lives and I was wondering, why the hell is he telling ME this?
Anyway, then my tuition was about to begin so I hung up the phone. When I went back home after tuition, it was already 8:45 and I was damn hungry and too tired to just walk to a store and grab something to eat so I headed straight home towards my place.
When I went home, mum wasn’t back and even dad was still at office. It was useless telling Arjun that I was hungry because he had his headphones plugged in as usual and was listening to some silly rock music. So I went straight to the kitchen, grabbed some biscuits and took them to my room.
I finally thought of giving my homework a try. Though I didn’t understand anything, I took out my books. As I was about to open them, Tammy called and started telling me about the conversation she and Ishu had had. I actually wanted to listen to it and I cheerfully did that! Then, I asked her a doubt about the homework, and she was like, “Suhanna, why do you think that I am going to go the homework? Anyways, I don’t want to argue now. Ishu is about to call.”
And I was like, she is a total love-struck! After this, I finally gathered the courage to atlwast read what had been done in the class that day, and as I started reading, Amman called up. I was very firm not o pick his phone so I let it ring 5-6 times. But then, when he called for the 7th time, I picked up and told him that I was busy with my homework and I hung up. After some time, when I had managed to do some of my homework, I realized that Amman must have felt bad and so I called him, but he rejected my call. But, he is obedient I tell you, because when I called him for the 3rd time, he picked up the phone and was like, “What?” and I said to him, “Look, I am really sorry… I was busy with my homework. Moreover I didn’t understand a single thing in class so I had to study something at home.” Then, after some explanations, he finally started talking to me…. Normally. I was so engrossed in talking and eating biscuits that I didn’t realize what time it was and whether my parents were home or not! Then I told him that I have to go and have my dinner and then I hung up.
I went down and saw mom cooking in the kitchen and then I just went and spoke to her and I got to know that she had gone to her friend’s house as there was a reunion of her school friends! But, I wasn’t really listening. Then we had our dinner and I was just too tired to talk so I sent Amman a message saying that I was feeling too dizzy and will talk to him tomorrow!
The next few days were normal as usual! I went to school, we got homework, I attended tuitions, I spoke to my friends… everything was normal except for my parents who acted a little weird after their fight, which was long, long time back! I mean, yeah they spoke to each other, but quite formally as if they didn’t know each other. It seemed unusual at first, but then things settled down gradually. But, the positive and the best part was that we had begun with our summer break. And cmon, who studies during the summer break??
Then came 21st May, the day I was finally supposed to meet Amman outside my tuition centre. Anyways, I had my tuition from 7:30 that day and we had planned to meet at 7 outside the bakery shop nearby. I was there putside the shop at 6:57 to be exact and I didn’t call him because I didn’t want to sound eager (you know, boys take the initiative first!) and so, I stood there waiting patiently. It was very hot. Not on that particular day, but the whole month had been a really warm one. Even the air conditioners were no relief! It was at exact 7 that I called him and asked him where he was and he said that he was just two minutes away. As I hung the phone, my gaze fell upon the guy who was standing at the opposite side of the road, waiting for the traffic to slow down, so that he could cross the road. He was wearing a white shirt, and a shaded blue jeans. He was quite fair and had an average height and built. He was quite attractive and I couldn’t help but look at him after every 5 seconds. After he crossed the road, he came and stood at some distance away from me. He atually crossed the road again, God alone knows for what! But, at no time did I think that he had no brains, all I thought was how handsome he was! It was then that I got a call from Amman saying he had reached. While talking to him, I was secretly hoping that he shall be as smart as this guy in white shirt, and if not as smart, he has to be a little smart atleast! I asked him where was he standing, and he said he was standing on the opposite side of the road in front of the bakery. I went near to the road, waiting for the traffic to cleat and that’s when I asked him that what color clothes was he wearing. At that time, only I knew how nervous I felt… I mean.. meeting a guy you’v been talking to on the phone since so many days is not a small issue! I was nervous also because I was so shabbily dressed. While I was crossing the road, h told me that he was wearing a white shirt and a faded blue jeans. I realized he was the same guy I had been eyeing for the past few minutes. I had just half way crossed the road when I realized this, and believe me, I was so shocked that I literally stopped walking and stood where I was for 2-3 seconds. I was only when the cars behind me started honking that I realized that my not crossing the road and standing in the middle like an idiot was blocking the traffic from both the sides. He asked me what was I wearing, and I told him I was wearing a pink t-shirt and black shorts… god! I really need to enhance my wardrobe now. He recognized me and wave at me though I was just 2-3 stpes away from him. When I went to him, he held his hand out and said, “Hi, I am Amman… How do you do?” and I just gave him that weird why-are-you-being-so-formal look and as soon as he realized it, he blushed, swayed his hand through his hair and said in a funny tone, “I knew this wouldn’t work!” then we kept on looking here and there for 3-5 minutes when I finally said, “So… whats going on?” and he was like, “Nothing… was just preparing to meet you since the past 3 hours. I couldn’t get a single shirt to chose from my entire wardrobe.” After saying this, I don’t know why he blushed. I guess that was because even he felt guilty about what I was wondering. I mean, this is something that should be done by girls. Taking plenty of time to dress up… but I guess those who say that guys take more time to dress up are actually being honest! Anyway, when I shook his hand, a kind oc current passed through my bosy. God alone knows why! I mean, this was the first time such kind of a thing was happening. I had always been pretty confident in meeting new people. While I spoke to him, it felt as if my hear had rushed to my throat. If this was not enough, I felt some unusual funny movement in my belly. As if someone had just dig a pipe inside and was moving it from place to place. And I don’t know what led to this, but we talked about the silliet stuff… I mean, seriously, silliest of the silly. It was like, “The weather’s good today, isn’t it?” now, tell me, who the hell speaks this way on a date? Well, it wasn’t actually a date but it was… sort of! While we talked about this, no one realized how silly we were, it was only when I was going back to my tuition centre that I actually gave it a thought. I literally ran to the centre, as both of us were so engrossed in our silly but “useful” talks that neither of us realized what the time was. And bingo! I was 15 minutes late for the class. While I was leaving, we shook our hands again, and this time, when our hands came into contact it started raining. Not just drizzling, but that hard pour that happens in films usually suring a romantic scene. And he was looking so cute with water dripping from his hair drop by drop! He actually looked beautiful… angelic! His face was all wet and he looked like a model. Believe me! I don’t know why but I was so proud of myself that I had become friends with a guy who was so smart and all. When I gazed down at his face, all the problems seemed to disappear. At that time, I couldn’t think of anything else but his face… and his eyes… but, call it my badlcuk, I had to leave his hand and rush to my tuition centre.
I couldn’t pay attention in class for even a single minute. All I could think of was the silly conversation we had and how smart and gorgeous he looked with water dripping from his face. I couldn’t get my mind off the scent of his after shave or whatever cologne he wore. It was like… awesome! As I rushed home, the first thing I did was call up Tammy and tell her everything in detail, even the part where my heart seemed to reach my throat and current seemed to pass through my body. She tried explaining me that I was totally in love with this guy and I kept on denying that. I coudnt even let such a thought enter my mind. I stuck too much to friendlish that I couldn’t even imagine that I could be in love with this guy…!
After the meeting, we had several conversations during which we spoke only about the meeting. I hadn’t even asked him whether he had found me attractive or something, but, as spontaneous as he was, he himself told me that I was pretty. I couldn’t help but get flattered. When he asked me how did I find him, I was like, “You! You are just too smart! You can get any girl you want! It was after this that I heard something unusual from him. He was like, “But Suhanna, the saddest part is, the girl I like wants us to be friends only!” I don’t know why I thought that he was referring to me only considering the two times when he had asked me what do I think about ‘us’. ‘Us’ as in Amman and Suhanna. And I was so dumb at that time that I replied, “Um… Amman, I guess we are better off friends! I don’t think I can manage such a relationship.” And now, when I reflect upon those words of mine, I feel so dumb!


After about two weeks, we met again and those same vibrations went through my body when I shook his hand. This time we spent more time together as I had actually bunked my tuiton. I was all nervous about meeting him though I was meeting him for the second time. God knows why I felt that way. Anyways, on that very day, and that very meeting, Amman asked me again that how did I feel about him, and I was like, “Amman, you are just extra ordinary smart and I really mean it! I mean, you looked so sweet when I mer for the first time and there was water dripping from her hair and you looked so beautiful with your completely water-soaked face. And there were these unusual vibrations going on in my body whenever I shook your hand and when I told Tammy about it, she told me that I was in love with you. I didn’t believe it at first, but now, when I look upon those days, I realize I am actually in love with you and its not just friendship that we have between us and I really feel something special for you.”
To be honest, I was actually blabbering. I didn’t know what I was speaking but I went on speaking and just as I realized that I had actually confessed that I loved him. And after that, he tried his best to calm me down because I started doing the silliest thing of my life. I started crying! I mean it was obviously more silly than all the childhood things I had done like asking my mum what’s AIDS when I was in 3rd standard. I mean, I felt so bad that I couldn’t help but cry. I guess he asked me varioud things but I didn’t even listen to any one. I didn’t even reply to him. Then he held my chin, and help my face up, and was like, “Suhanna, you don’t have to be ashamed. SUhanna, look into my eyes. I love you! DO you trust me? You haven’t done anything wrong.”
I couldn’t answer his questions. I didn’t even listen to any of this except for the part where he said he loved me. I was too happy but I couldn’t express my joy as I was still embarrassed by my “romantic” speech that I had given.
Then he knelt down to his kness, spread his hand in front of me and then said something. This something seemed to be the sweetest words of my life.
“When you will ask me what I love more, you or my life, and when I will say my life, you will walk away without knowing that you are my life.Suhanna, I really love you. Please give me a chance to prove how I feel for you and how much do I love you.”
And I don’t know what led me to that; I just touched his cheek and went! Believe me, I didn’t even say a single word; I just rushed down to my house. At that time, I dint care about what my parents would say, after all, I was returning home early from tuition that day! The whole way to my house, my mind was blank! Totally blank! I couldn’t think of anything at that very moment! I wonder how must have I managed to cross the road and walk to my house!
But as I reached my place, I figured out I didn’t have to be tensed about my being bak early from tuition, as, when I entered my house, my parents weren’t home. My mum had gone to some sort of a councelling and my dad had gone to Mumbai that afternoon, about which I had completely forgot because of Amman. But I was surprised to find my brother sitting in the living room for a change! He just sat on the sofa, idle, not watching TV. Not talking on phone! What surprised me the most was that he was sitting books though everyonw in the family knew that he studied only the night before the exam but still, somehow managed to get the tolerable grades!
My brother was the last person I wanted to talk to about Amman but heaven alone knows why, the moment he asked me, “You back early?” everything seemed to come out from my mouth as if someone elde was controlling my brain! Seriously! And then, we actually sat peacefully together and talked about the whole matter. Once he was all patient about it, I didn’t have to worry anymore about the fact that I was talking to my very own brother about my love life! Like Tammy, even he told me I was in love with him, but, what I didn’t know was that why wasn’t I able to tell him that I loved him! And when I mentioned this to my brother, he was like, “Lack of courage!” and then when I stared at him for about half a minute and he was like, “Alright! Alright! The thing is that you yourself are not sure whether you can trust this person or not! You still want someone to guide you at every step of your life! You want someone to tell you is this right? Is it right to say yes! This is your problem Suhanna!” and that’s when I got it! I was too confused in whether I love him or not that I forgot that the decision was mine. In the end, it was I, who had to decide, and not Tamanna or Arjun! I had to make my decisions for myself! And according to everyone but me, I loved Amman. But I was still confused about taking the risk of trusting him! But then, as I was thinking about this, my brother’s phone rang and as he was in the kitchen, I picked up his phone from the sofa and answered the call, which was from Priya. I knew that girl from school. I had just pressed the answer button and had put the phone on my ear that I was about to speak, but I couldn’t as before me, Priya was like, “Hey sweetie!” and I was like Ok! What was this all about! But all I said was, “um…just a second Priya!” and I put the phone away for my ear because she astonishingly shouted, “Suhanna!” then I handed the phone over to Arjun and went back to my room!
I was laying my bed, my eyes closed and I was thinking about what Arjun had said earlier than evening. I knew I loved him but I needed to find the guts to tell him this.
It was then that I heard this knock on my door and saw Arjun asking me if he could come in. when I said he could, he came and sat on the chair where I usually sit and study. He said, “I hope you didn’t mind Priya’s call…did she say something to you because she sounded quite awkward while she spoke to me”. Now this brought a smile on my face. I was like, “um…if addressing your boyfriend ‘sweetey’ when you are actually talking to his sister is normal, and then I don’t know why did she sound unusual.” And then he said, “Oh! So she wasn’t behaving awkward, she was embarrassed! I really feel bad for her you know!” and I was literally shocked after hearing these words form my brother’s mouth! Ever since he had come to Delhi, I don’t know what changed him, but he started taking girls as a joke and flirted with every possible girl. And here he was, feeling bad for some girl! I didn’t know the world had just got this weird! This thought led to a little grin that hit my face. Seeing this, my brother realized what was I thinking about and was like, “look Suhi, I have changed now! Is not that flirty guy I used to be anymore. And I think I really like Priya. In fact, I guess I am in love with her and so is she. I have become a responsible guy know!” and believe me, my mouth fell open on hearing this! My brother, one women man! Not possible! But then he sounded genuine! I could make out form his face that he was deeply hurt by my opinions about him. So I just went up to him, and patted on his shoulder and said, “Arjun, I trust you now! If you have genuinely changed, then I guess Priya is actually very lucky to have you in her life!” and he just smiled his usual smile which I missed a lot! The smile he used to smile when we both were close to each other! His innocent smile as if he had never done anything wrong! Then he asked me, “so, what do you think is wrong with mum and dad?” “Um…I actually don’t know! Thay haven’t been angry with each other for such a long time ever!” I said.
Then he said, “Do you think it’s something serious?” but I didn’t get to answer as just then mum was back and so Arjun said, “I better get back to my room or else mum’s going to wonder what is wrong with both her kids and why are they sitting so peacefully!” and then he smiled and I smiled back at him! Then as soon as he was about to leave my room, he was on the door when he said, “and don’t worry, your bunking secret is safe with me! I promise!” and then I said, “I trust you!” and then he left!
I didn’t realize the time until Arjun left and I glanced at the watch and realized it was already 9:30! I also realized at the same moment that Amman hadn’t called or messaged me since I left without answering his question. I thought about messaging him first but then I felt too scared! But then I gave it alto of thought and finally messaged him, “hey! Sorry for what happened today! Take care!” and it wasn’t even a minute that I received a reply form him, “you don’t have to be!” and then he called me. We spoke quite normally and he didn’t even mention about what happened today!
I had planned to go to the mall with some of my school friends and I invited him too. He said he was free and he could come! I messaged Tammy that I was bringing an uninvited guest with me tomorrow and she seemed pretty fine with it! At night, before going to sleep, I received a message form him, “hi dear…goodnight! Sweet dreams! I still love you…take care” and I don’t know what led me or where had the guts come form, I replied to him, “I love you too Amman and am really sorry for whatever happened today! Good night and sweet dreams to you too!” And I slept such a peaceful sleep! No dreams though! But not even bad thoughts!
I woke up pretty late in the morning. I was supposed to reach the mall by 12:30 and thanks to yesterday’s peaceful sleep, I woke up at 12:15! Only I knew how badly I had to rush up with things! Amman had dropped a message saying good morning, but I honestly didn’t have time to even reply to him. I started from the house at 12:40 and as I was leaving, Arjun realized all sorts of make up I had done, (I had really done some make up! Lip-gloss, eye shadow and some foundation with a damn good perfume!) And was like, “um…I guess even your Amman is coming today!” and I was like, “check!” and came out!
When I reached the mall, it was already 1 and my friends got me mad by calling me one by one every 5 minutes and Amman didn’t enter the mall without me. I saw Amman from a distance and went towards him. And we exchanged a short conversation about why was I late and then we entered the mall. I called up my friends to ask them where were they but had to cut the phone midway because Amman literally dragged me. As soon as I entered Select City Walk, he pulled me and took me to the Archies Gallery located on the mall and as I entered, a background song started.. the song was Cush by David Archuleta (lyrics below)
I hung up the phone tonight
Something happened for the first time deep inside
It was a rush, what a rush

'Cause the possibility
That you would ever feel the same way about me
It's just too much, just too much

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I've just got to know

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy

Has it ever crossed your mind
When we're hanging, spending time girl, are we just friends?
Is there more, is there more?

See it's a chance we've gotta take
'Cause I believe that we can make this into something that will last
Last forever, forever

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I've just got to know

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
This crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy



. Then I saw the most beautiful showpiece of my life. It was ordinary but somehow something in it made it look so beautiful. It had two kids standing hand in hand and under it was carved, “Suhanna and Amman” with tiny hearts under our name! It was awesome I tell you! Then I received some cards which had how much I love you quotes.
They included,
“NO MATTER HOW FAR OR HOW LONG,
MY LOVE WILL STILL BE YOURS.
I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU- FOR YOU I AM HERE.
WHETHER IN SPIRIT, MIND BODY.
SHALL YOU EVER SHED A TEAR,
YOUR ANGEL WILL ALWAYS BE NEAR!”

“SOMETIMES MY EYES GET JEALOUS OF MY HEART,
YOU KNOW WHY?
BECAUSE YOU ARE ALWAYS CLOSE TO MY HEART
AND AWAY FORM MY EYES…!”

“LOVE IS DISCOVERING THAT EACH PART
OF THE ONE YOU LOVE IS BEAUTIFUL”

“IN ALL MY DREAMS OF COMING YEARS,
YOU PLAY THE GREATEST PART, FOR I KNOW
THAT TIME WILL NEVER CHANGE THE LOVE FOR
YOU I HAVE IN MY HEART!”
AND…

“FROM THE TIME I’VE MET YOU,
I’VE STARTED LOVING THIS LIFE…
EVERYTIME I SEE YOU,
I CANT AVOID TO SMILE,
FILL THE GAPS BETWEEN MY FINGERS AND
COMPLETE ME…”

And there were just many more…
It was too late when I figured out that all my friends were watching. They were even watching when I hugged Amman and kissed him on his cheek. But I just couldn’t help but hug him! He was so sweet! And he really proved to me what he had meant when he said that “Don’t worry Suhi, someone will propose you in a more romantic way! Just be patient!”
And then was the big surprise…
He had planned something every girl loves…
Yes, you guessed it right, he made me shop! He actually did that…!
Its every girl’s dream to shop as much as she can in just an hour…and believe me, it was like my dream come true…
The stores I couldn’t even afford to spend on from my personal savings…he took me to all of them…and got me some of the most expensive dresses…! I literally had to shout to him to stop!
After I was all done with the shoplifting phobia, which I guess Amman had, we went to have lunch.
We went to the food court and had lunch…all of us were sitting and chatting when suddenly this weird gothic kind of a guy comes up to me and says, “um…hi! I don’t know what’s your name or who you are but I just want to say that I really really like you…” and he couldn’t even finish his sentence because Amman stood up in my defense… Amman gave him a look that can only be described as ‘ferocious’. This weird guy actually stepped back and turned around scared by Amman. I didn’t know Amman could even scare someone! Everyone started cheering for him and he really seemed embarrassed! He blushed and settled down again. After lunch, we were all sitting and chatting when I stood up and went to the washroom with one of my friends.
Instead of going to the washroom, I went to the manager’s room and literally begged the person for a mic. Finally, he agreed to lend me one, and I carried the mic upto the food court, and as soon as in entered Amman’s sight, he was so astonished to see me carrying a mic that he stood up and stared at me… just blank!
I just asked him to wait, and went near him so that we had about 10 steps between us.
I started my “speech”,
“Amman, you don’t know how special you are to me. It’s been a really short time since I have known you, but it was just enough for me to get smitten to you. I don’t care of my doing this is gonna embarrass you in public… but I seriously wanted to do this..”
And as I said this, I kneeled down and took out a rose from my bag.. and said,
“ the first time when you proposed to me, I ruined the whole moment.. am sorry! I didn’t realize how special it must have been to you until now, when I am doing it for myself..
Heck, its really scary… okay! Breathe breathe breathe! I wanted this to be perfect, so here it is Amman… my proposal…
I guarantee that we will have tough times,
I guarantee that at one point of time, one of us or even both of us would like to step back,
But I also guarantee that if I don’t do this now, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life… ‘coz you are the only one for me Amman! I love you…”
He didn’t let me speak any further, instead h just came towards me, got me stood up, and hugged me.. he whispered “I love you” which was enough for me.
We spent some more time with others, but eventually, the seats got vacant, and Amman and I were alone… finally! We went and sat on those fire exit stairs, and talked and talked and talked. We talked about the silliest of things, and he complimented me about my speech…
We had just started goofing around in the mall, when we had an encounter with an uninvited guest…The least expected Arjun! I just don’t get it, why doesn’t this brother of mine care to mind his own business??
I’ll tell you why. Because he made a decision the very first day he entered the world. The decision to trouble me at every point of my life in every possible way he could. So, here he was, spoiling my very first date!
Amman and I started walking across the mall, and Arjun tagged along with us. “Get lost…dumbass!” I muttered. “What did I do?” replied Amman in a shocked tone.
“Duh! It wasn’t for you! Get lost Arjun!”
“Huh? What? Did I do something I shouldn’t have done?”
“Yeah, you took birth if that wasn’t enough!”
“Guys, STOP!”
“She started!”
“I did? Who decided to ruin his sister’s very first date?”
“Well, let me see…I don’t think I did that! I mean did I convince your Amaan to turn into a gay or something?”
“It’s Amman! And am NOT gay!”
“Whatever!!”
“Arjun, am telling you if you don’t get lost in another minute, am telling your Priya about that Sheena or whatever her name was with whom you made out.”
“I’ll go but swear on me you wont do that!
And by the way, I DID NOT MAKE OUT WITH SHEENA. IT WAS JUST A KISS.”
“Yeah sure.”
And then he vanished.
Amman and I went to that fire staircase again…

…I still don’t remember we sat there for how long. But all I remember is we talked a lot! I told him about everything…every possible thing I could think of! I even told him about my huge crush on Enrique and he laughed like mads at it. Finally, he confessed that he felt this way once about Megan Fox! That b****…but then, I wasn’t in his life at that time…! I recollect that I told him that I fantasize blue eyes a lot. And when I saw him for the first time, all I could concentrate were on the color of his eyes…deep as ocean! I still can’t believe it’s all gone now… reading all this makes me feel its all there…all at a stretch of my hand! I flipped my hand through the pages and turned to the page in my diary where I had written about my first fight with him! Ouch! It still hurts. It was just so foolish of me… to fight with him when he had completely lost his state of mind! I feel like slapping myself when I read the following lines…

“What now, Suhanna?” Amman asked when he finally picked up my call after 4 long hours. “Well, I just wanted to ask you where you are since such a long time? You are not taking my calls, rep…” Amman interrupted me by shouting at him, “I cant always do what you say Suhanna, keep this in mind. Just hang up now.!” “But Amman… am just worried about yo…” and I couldn’t say anything further because he hung up on me. YES, HE SHOUTED AT ME FIRST AND THEN HE HUNG UP AT ME! AND NOW AM CRYING! IT CANT BE WORST… NO IT CANNOT BE!

Well, yeah, I thought it couldn’t be worst… but at that time my life was a story with a happy ending… until…
Here’s how we sought it out…

I was lying on my bed, not talking to anyone, when my phone rang and the screen displayed an unknown number.
“Hello”
“Um… hi, is this Suhanna?”
“Well, yes, may I know who is this?” I don’t know why but when I got this unknown call, it suddenly reminded me of how Amman and I first spoke…
“Yeah, this is Rohan, Amman’s brother…”
“Amman’s brother? Is Amman ok?”
“Well, I guess he isn’t fine at all…”
“What do you mean?” I literally had my heart pounding inside my chest when he said this. I swear I would have turned speechless there and then if Rohan would have not spoken further…
“Don’t worry Suhanna. I didn’t mean it that way. I mean, he is ok physically, but he’s turned insane mentally. Well, I hate it to break it to you that Amman’s grandpa expired today in the morning at 4.”
“Wha…?” I couldn’t digest this. His grandfather had been so healthy when I had spoken to him two days back. He seemed perfectly fine…
“Well, he had this attrack on the morning, and he couldn’t survive it… until the others could get to him, or even call the ambulance, he had begun his heavenly aboard…”
“I… i…. I don’t… I don’t kno… I don’t know what to say… i… I mean he sounded perfectly fine when I spoke… oh my God! How is Amman? He must be in deep shock, right? I mean he was so close to his grandpa and all… oh Lord, I fought with him… so foolish of me… I should have guessed something was wrong… I shouldn’t have…”
“Suhanna, this is what I wanted to speak to you about. You shouldn’t have spoken to him that way. Well, I cant even blame you as you didn’t know. But please Suhanna, be gentle to him. Please… he really needs your shoulder… he really needs your support…
“Yeah… I know! I understand… can I talk to him?”
“Er… actually he is not with me. I heard him shouting at you so I figured that maybe you didn’t know so I thought I would call you and inform you…”
“Yeah… ok, thanks a lot! But please, ask him to call me… whenever he feels like…”
And I hung up the phone. I didn’t have time to hear what Amman’s brother responded because I was in my own trauma. I couldn’t digest the news. How could it be? I knew his grandfather pretty well, he knew about both of us and he had even talked to me. I started crying at once, because I didn’t know what else to do. I couldn’t help but think about how Amman would be feeling. So, I just messaged him, “sweetheart, I know everything now. Just take your time and call me whenever you feel like. Don’t worry everything will be fine. Take care.”
And then I went to Arjun’s room and told him everything. When I finished my story, he was like, “Suhanna, I don’t know how to react to this.” And obviously, how would he know? I mean, yeah, I could go to him when I had a heartbreak or when I was in some relationship conflict, but he wouldn’t know what to say to his sister when her boyfriend is in great depression because his grandpa died.
And then I got up from his bed, and as I was about to leave his room, he gave me a guilty look, and said, “Suhanna, just give him some time. That’s all he wants. And of course, your support.”
I came back to the living room, and fetched for a magazine.

At that time, I never knew that another shock was waiting for me just at a week’s time. I knew it was something terrible as when I picked up a magazine at that time, I noticed two numbers scribbled on it. One belonged to a marriage counselor’s office and the other to a lawyer’s office. I knew what was going to happen, but I wasn’t ready to accept it yet. No! this couldn’t happen. I thought and thought that night… I tried as well as I could but couldn’t get any sleep.

I went to bed without having my dinner. I hadn’t received any message or call from Amman.
And I was terribly disturbed… my parents were getting divorced… after all this time of love and happiness and care… they were departing… what was wrong with them? Divorce was not the only solution… no, there had to be a way!
I was troubled by my thoughts that night and I couldn’t sleep the whole night. The next morning, I received a message from Amman saying that he wanted to meet me and it was really urgent. I called him up and asked him to come to Priyas at Vasant Vihar and I would meet him there.
I told my mum I was going to meet a friend at I went.
I met him at McDonalds, and I was so shocked to see him. It had been only a week since I had last seen him and he looked so pale.
I went and sat with him. I didn’t care about the other people, and I sat beside him, and not opposite him and held his hand.
“Amman, are you ok?”
He turned towards me, and looked into my eyes and said, “Suhanna, why did it happen to me? Have I done something wrong?”
As he said these two lines, tears streamed down from his eyes. I had never seen him cry. I had never thought of him as such a week guy that he would weep. I was speechless. I just knew nothing to say so that he would stop. I was worried if something I said to him may make him even sadder.
“Amman, you have done nothing wrong. Believe me, you are a good person. Your grandpa may not be there physically, but he is there with us… in our minds and souls… I know you loved him Amman, and he loved you even more. He’ll be there with you at your every step, guiding you towards the right. Yes dear, he will be there with all of us as an angel… an angel like never before… a sweet, divine angel…”
I don’t know what more could I have said to him. He didn’t speak anything. I knew he hadn’t had anything since he has got the tragic news and I knew I ought to fill something in his stomach before he loses his consciousness. I ordered two burgers for us and literally forced one into his mouth. It was when we were out of the restaurant that he started to speak.
“Suhanna, am sorry. I know am in a terrible condition and you have to suffer because of me. I was so busy with my depression that I totally and completely forgot about you. I am sorry.”
“Its okay Amman. I completely understand. I totally respect your condition and hope I can make you feel better. I am there whenever you need me. You know, always at your service types.”
Thank god! He smiled a little alteast.
I went in and got two ice creams for both of us… in cones… and I fed him with the ice cream. I just wanted to make him happy, and I could do anything to see him smile.
“So, what’s going on these days? Its been two days I haven’t received any updates.”
“Well, the latest update is, my boyfriend, Amman seems to be finally sounding normal and talking to me! Yippee… mission accomplished! Anyways, jokes apart, last night while I was flipping through a magazine, I came across a marriage counselor’s number and a lawyer’s number.”
“Uh…?”
“Well, its like my parents had a huge fight about two months back and since then, they aren’t behaving normal. I don’t mean it in the insane sense, but in the other normal behavior sense. Its like, they aren’t speaking much to us, they aren’t talking to each other. And we haven’t been having dinner together like we used to.”
“So, are you afraid…?”
“Well, yes!” I had started crying by then…
He noticed the moisture in my eyes and hugged me tight and said, “Suhanna, have you tried talking to your mum about it?”
“Well, yeah… I tried once but she said all these talks are of no use now. And then I heard her telling her friend on phone that thing won’t work out now and that the kids are grown enough to take care of themselves and adjust with just one parent…”
At this, I was crying hard… it was like, all those emotions had been present inside my heart, totally packed, and right now, when I was with him, all those emotions burst out, and flowed freely… I had convinced myself, that I wouldn’t cry in front of him, but all that seemed to be of no use… hell! I broke down even more terribly than him… and he totally had nothing to say except for patting my shoulder and saying… “Don’t worry, things will take place eventually”.
I regained myself and my emotions after some time, and lifted my face so that I could see him eye-to-eye…
“That was too much, wasn’t it?” I asked innocently…
“Tolerable” he said.
“Okay okay! Enough of shedding tears now. I guess I’ll have to come down to my poor jokes so as to make you laugh… ready?”
“No no, am okay! No jokes required… please!”
“Yaar, this is not done… one… please one…”
“Okay… go ahead… but only one…”
“Yeah only one… promise!”
He stood in front of me, gazing at me… as if waiting for my permission. But, before I could say anything, he started with his joke-
“ However high the sky maybe,
However wide the river maybe,
However strong the wind maybe,
However dark the clouds maybe,
Just remember 1 thing….




Its none of your business!”
“hahahahaha” the message ended but his laughter didn’t. Somehow, seeing him laugh made my heart lighter, it made me feel better… then he stopped, gazed at me, with his warm beautiful blue eyes, and smiled my favourite smile. Seeing his face right there made me believe that the whole world was a happy place and nothing could have been better… until…


After reaching home that day, I called Tammy, to let her know that things with Amman were finally fine… I didn’t know I’d have another crying session on the phone. She seemed to be more upset than me… which was… expected out of her… the weird part was, though my parents were getting divorced, I had to convince her… but then, she was my friend…
That night was spent shedding some tears and wiping some more… The next day, in the morning, I got up and texted Amman, and then went in the dining room for breakfast. To my surprise, my mum and dad were sitting on the table, at the same time, which was unusual. And… Arjun was there too… fully dressed. Yeah, a date he must have had. But whatever it was, he would have to postpone it, I could sense this from the atmosphere in that room.
“Suhanna, we need to talk”, was what they said, as soon as I came into appearance.
“Hey dad, hey mum! Good morning… hey Arjun, you up sp early?”
“Suhanna, we really really need to talk.” Mum sounded dead serious. I obediently sat on the dining table, with my hands on the table and my chin on the support of my locked hands. I waited for them to begin. Sitting there, I could sense the tension within all of us, and the impatience within Arjun.
“Okay, mum… please let me speak first. I know what is this all about… I have seen those numbers, I have heard those fights, and I have observed those ignorances… Please don’t make it any harder for Arjun and me both, and please, declare this in simple words.” Don’t know why, but I felt anger rising in me
Arjun just stared at me in wonder… “Wha…” he mouthed at me… my dad, looking at me analytically, said, “Okay, we understand this is going to be really hard for both of you, so am going to try to make it as simple as I can… Arjun, Suhanna, both of you are grown up children now, and you do understand the situations, or atleast you can try to. Look, I cannot find simpler words… believe me. Its as hard for me as it is for you, so lets just get it done with. Both of you… will have to make a choice.”
My mum was quite until now, and she had no intention of uttering a word. I could see that she silently weeped.her eyes were wet, and so were my dad’s. I felt like crying too, but I knew we had to be strong.
“Both of you will have to make a choice between your mum and me. Suhanna is very well aware of the fact that your mum and I are getting separated, and so one of you will have to leave me, and the other will have to leave your mum. The choice is yours, and there is no pressure.”
“Yeah… right! No pressure… how simple it is for you to say this dad. ‘no pressure’! awesome… like, we don’t have a heart. Do you even realize that the pressure is not on both of us, but on both of you. Have you ever thought how are you two gonna survive apart from each other? I mean, you’ve been together for like… how many years? 20 years? And now, suddenly, after a fight you come up and say you two cant stay under the same roof… how lame is that?”
I went upto Arjun and patted him on the shoulder, and tried to calm him down. I knew he was really angry with himself, and with mum and dad. Maybe with me too.
“Arjun, its not just a fight that has led to this son. Its something else…”
Dad stopped halfway, aware by the look on my mum’s face…
“If it’s not just a fight, then what is it? What is it mum? Why are you numb now? Go on… burst the bubble. I’m sure even Suhanna’s ready to listen to the whole story.”
“Well …” My mum tried but couldn’t find the correct words. I could see that she had tried really hard.
“Your mum is involved with somebody else. Now before either of you, or both of you criticize, or make any further comments on this, listen to me once… please. Your mum says that she is really sorry, but she has fallen out of love with me, and in love with somebody else. She says she met him at the boutique she visits. He is the co-owner. And she seems to be really sure about him and… well anyways! His life history doesn’t matter. What matters is the fact that I have no problem with her moving out. Kids, you need to be a little practical here. If your mum stays here, she will be unhappy, and obviously, being into a marriage, she’ll be bound within some rules atleast. If not rules, then morals. And as a married man, I’ll be unhappy seeing my wife secretly desire for somebody else. So, don’t you both think that instead of ruining three lives, you partially ruin just one? And not even one, according to me, because I feel I have got my share of love throughout my life. I got more love and care than I deserved, and for that, am really grateful to your mother.”
I could see my mum weeping as she exited from the dining room and went into her bedroom.
My dad said, “and so, it would be better if your mum moved in with this guy. And that guy, he is a widow and has one daughter from his wife. His daughter is five years old. Arjun, Suhanna, your mum is gonna be really happy, and am sure both of you will be happy with him too. He is a good guy, I’ve met him, and he seems to have no problem in sharing his place with two teenage children.
“But I want to stay with you.”
“And what if I chose to be with you dad?”
Both of us said together…
My dad just smiled and said, “I’d be more than happy. But you see, your mum needs one of you atleast. Maybe you Suhanna.” He looked at me hopefully.
I said to him, “Dad you said we had no burden and I have made my choice. Okay? Mom has that guy and that little daughter you told us about. She will have a family. She will have a man who’ll love her, and a little angel who will care for her like we’ve been doing from 17 years. She’ll be okay! But what about you dad? Will you be able to satisfy yourself without teasing me everyday? Without hitting me playfully after coming back from the office? Without dropping me to the bus stop? Without calling me everyday to ask me how my school was, even if I was in tuition? Dad, would you be able to stay away from me? Would you be able to stay without coming into my room every night, and asking about my day, telling me about your day, discussing about Arjun and mum… kissing me goodnight and then turning off my light while going back? Whom would you playfully tickle each morning? Whom would you call out thousands of time saying “Wake up now?” Can you give it all up dad? Cause I cannot…” I couldn’t continue and ran to my room, sobbing really hard.
Arjun came into my room and hugged me hard. Sometimes, when you are with you dear ones, you don’t need words to speak, only hugs, smiles and kisses can convince you, no matter how hard the wound is.
That night, we did not sleep… mum was in her room, and dad in the dining room. Arjun was in my room, sitting on the floor… and I on the table, head between my legs. Both our phones switched off. I did not want to talk to Amman. Instead, I mailed him-
“Hey Amman…
Things have changed rapidly… and have become stinking bad. Mom and dad confronted both of us today. There’s nothing that can be done now. Dad told us the reason for their separation. Mum has an affair with this guy she met at some boutique and is sure about him. Mum is moving in with him. Dad asked us to make a choice but both, Arjun and I have decided to sty with dad. Don’t know about Arjun, but I wanted to live with him.
And the best part, I am not angry with mom because I know love can happen anywhere anytime… after all, that’s how I fell for you… and I don’t think mum would be as lonely as dad. I mean, she will have that guy to love her, and that guy has a sweet little 5-year old angel too, to take care of both of them, whereas if Arjun or I, or both of us go, he’ll have just no one with him… which is really bad…
Please forward this mail to Tammy too…
I seriously don’t want to talk to anybody right now. Everyone is fine. Don’t worry. And yeah, Arjun is with me.
Take care… love!”

What else was I supposed to right? I felt so gloomy that day, and the next, and the next… the whole week went by… but Arjun and I did not move from where we were…
My birthday was two nights away, and my mum was supposed to move out the day after my birthday… I was in my room, listening to music, when I heard dad knocking over the door. I asked him to come in, but was shocked to see, mum and him together… holding hands. I knew it was the last time I would see them this way, and so I looked at them deeply, and captured that moment in my heart. But, they seemed to be in a serious mood. Dad came and stood beside me, and mum went over and leaned at the study table. She started the conversation, “Sweetie, there’s something I’d like to talk to you about… actually, we’d like to talk to you about.”
“Yes exactly! And before we start, I want you to know that you don’t need to be frightened about this, and that we do understand you and your bro. We are coming from Arjun’s room… and he too, was really nervous at first, but soon told us everything.” Dad said, trying to sound calm. Inside, I thought, “So... Arjun has already been court-marshaled. Lets see what did we do now!” I tried to relax, but could not…
There was silence for some time… Mum broke the silence… “Suhanna, you committed, right?”
Okay, no what was I supposed to say in response to this question I did not know. Therefore, I just nodded.
Excited, my mum came and leaned over the bed board now. “Tell us everything…” She said, and I just looked at her… not knowing what the hell was happening at that time. I tried to sound normal, or I shall say look normal, when my dad said… “Go ahead beta. We really wanna know.”
And I have no idea where all that courage came from, I told them everything… yeah, I told them how Amman and I met, how he proposed, how I proposed and a lot more… I told them everything… though I could make out dad was a little shocked at times. I also noticed mum’s eyes getting wet when I told them about Amman’s grandfather, and the condition in which SAmman was when I last met him.
At the end, I just raised my hands and surrendered. Mum and dad did not utter a word… they left the room, and five minutes later, dad messaged me… “meri beti badi ho gayi hain”… Aah !! it felt good…
My life wasn’t that cursed, I thought later… I had learned how to find big happiness’s in small events. Even Amman was really happy when I told him that thing about my mum and dad, and he just said that they were really understanding, towards their kids at least!

I still remember the joy my first kiss brought me… I still remember the joy I experienced on my birthday eve, and for that I’ll always be thankful to my friends. But… I also remember the times… or specifically, the day when I felt cursed. When I felt that God had some personal grudges from me. My life became still, my heart became numb and I became motionless… I passed out every half an hour. To the world, I was unconscious, but to myself, I was just reliving the old memories, and trying to find my happiness once again. Yes, ending my life as well did come as a solution to me, and I even tried to accept it as the only way… but a photo frame on my side table stopped me from doing so. It was a photo of my brother and me, on our birthday, with our cake covered faces. His face had an innocent smile, and that very smile made me realize that ending my life was a wrong decision, not for me, not for the world. But, for Arjun. No, I couldn’t do this to me. Could I be so heartless? I was bound to be with him, and that’s what I did. I suffered all my pain, and HE supported me through it all. HE came to me every night, and whispered his thoughts to me. It felt like I could read HIS mind, and that HE wanted me to look into HIS mind. HE told me everything, the things HE hadn’t told me earlier, and the things HE had forgotten to tell me. HE told me how his heart raced when he saw me for the first time, standing in the rain, on the other side of the road, waiting anxiously for the guy I had been talking to since some time, but had never met. HE kissed me on my forehead, and on my nose. HE kissed my cheeks, my eyes and even my ears. However, HE saved my lips for the last. HE knew how much we wanted our lips to touch, and how good it felt. And so, every night he comes to me… and kisses me with a newfound passion. Our every kiss is like our first one… imperfect, but perfect….



it was the day before my birthday, and Amman and I had planned to meet. Obviously, I didn’t have any problem coming out of the house as my parents already knew about Amman, and for himself, he had said that he would manage.
This time, we met in Flaming Dishes, in Vasant Kunj. It was a proper restaurant, with individual cabins. He came early, as usual. And I wasn’t late, it’s just that, he was early! As I entered, we hugged and then, he sat down BESIDE me and not across me, which he seemed to be doing quite often now. Our lunch was already done, when suddenly; he got up and asked me to get up too. I asked him what the matter was, but all he said was that he wanted to take me somewhere. We left the restaurant, and he took me to a nearby place. It wasn’t exactly a place, it was more of a hill. It was not exactly even a hill actually. But it was something… but, whatever it was, it was amazing. The view from it was so pretty. There was othing scenic about the view, no never-ending clouds, no brightly stretched sunshine… nothing! Just a simple land… a barren alnd actually, with small kuchha huts on the side, probably, residences of labors. The barren land was filled here and there with the children playing… we sat in one corner. The amazing thing about this place was that it was so quite. It seemed as if only two people in the world existed- Suhanna and Amman! That’s it! Nothing else mattered. But then, one of the kids came to Amman and smiled. Amman smiled back, hugged that child and gave him a chocolate which he had had in his pocket. He gave one to me too. On receiving the chocolate, that kid said to him, “Thanks Bhaiya. I promise I will share this chocolate with everyone. Your friend is very beautiful.” And then he went.
I was hell shocked when I heard that kid from the slum speaking English. Before I could question, Amman took my hand and told me… “what do I got for this chocolate?” and I too, imitating the kid, kissed him on his cheek.
“Amman…” I said… while I rested my head on his shoulder.
“Hmmm…” he said back.
“It’s seriously so amazing that even this kid from the slum can speak English… isn’t it?”
“Suhanna, isn’t it amazing that your boyfriend has so much free time?” he winked at me.
I looked at him in amazement, and asked him, “You come here often, don’t you?”
“Yes, as often as I can. Actually, whenever I’m either too said, or too happy, I come here and this kid comes and gives me company. When I’m too happy, I try and make his life better, and when am too sad, he makes me realize how lucky I am for having such privileges.”
I looked back at that kid, and that kid looked at me as well… and smiled!
We sat there for about half an hour, and slowly, all the kids disappeared… the land was isolated, with just the two of us, but I wasn’t scared. I knew I was in the safest place of the world. I leaned my head on his shoulder and held his hand…
“Mum is leaving day after tomorrow…” I said to him.
“You sure you can stay without her? I mean…” I guess he did not have words.
“Yep! Yaar… mom will have somebody to take care of her… and dad wont. I mean yeah, Arjun will be there, but dad and Arjun aren’t that close. And moreover, Arjun and my bonding has just started…. Come on… I cannot leave home. Then, obviously, I am going to visit mum twice a week… its not that we are gonna be living in two different cities. We’ll be here only, we can meet anytime either of us wants to. So, I guess there won’t be a problem….”
He didn’t reply, but just looked at me for a while, and then kissed my forehead. We sat there for a few more miutes, and suddenly, it started drizzling. Yeah, just drizzling… neither of us got up, it felt just so good sitting together that way! About ten minutes later, drizzling stopped and the sun was shining brightly again. Just five minutes had passed, when the clouds hit the sun again. The weather was playing games with us that day… and it started raining. Actually raining! But it was a normal shower, not something great.
The best part about the rain was the rainbow! The rainbow was slightly visible on the eastern side of the sky and it looked amazing.
“Suhanna” Amman whispered, and I turned towards him, and looked in his eye. His green eyes invited me, and I got lost in them. I didn’t care about anything except for him. He tilted his head, and came forward towards me… he didn’t ask me for my permission, and he didn’t need it wither. He made his way towards my lips, and placed his lips gently on mine. I reciprocated the same feeling, and our lips played with each other. They were in love with each other too… we sath that way for long… how long I don’t know… but when we parted, we didn’t want to. We just had to.
“It’s getting late… I think we should leave.” I said. I didn’t even know what the time was, but I just wanted to break the silence anyway.
“Yeah… I… need to get you home…“ he said, and stood up. I stood up too and we made our way out.
When we reached the road, I took out my phone and saw 5 missed calls from Arjun. I called back to ask if anything serious had happened… and he was like… “Yeah… am feeling hungry and no one is at home… come back fast…” I asked him to wait… I told Amman that I needed to go to McD to get something for Arjun. We went to McD and though I insisted on paying, he didn’t let me, and we went out. He dropped me till my doorstep though I said I would go on my own. While dropping me, he hugged me, and kissed my cheek.
“I love you… bye!” he said, and lift.
I went inside all smiling, and Arjun was like, “First kiss huh?” and I was completely shocked. I hadn’t even uttered a word about how we had spent the day, so how come he knew. I asked him how did he find out, and he said, “The glow on your face says it all sis!” I handed over his wrap to him, and went to my room blushing. As soon as I entered my room, my gaze fell upon my tuition register, and I realized something terrible. I hadn’t been attending classes for two weeks now. I bunked almost every class and called in ill. I was totally busted. I went down panicking, and told Arjun about it, who was cool as usual and said… “Oh don’t worry! Dad already knows. They kinda told him. That lady called him up… and he said that you were going through food poisoning… and don’t worry, he wont scold you. He understands, he said!”
“How come you know so much mister… ?” I asked Arjun, glancing at him doubtfully…
“I stay at home, remember?? My girl does not go on dates… her sick parents! And we hardly meet… only once in 10 days…!!” said, sadly.
“Ohhh yeah… don’t worry… every dog has its day…” I said to him sticking my tongue out, teasing him.
He hit me with the cushion kept beside him, and then started the pillow fight… we fought until both are energies had been over, and then laid down on the floor…
“Life’s gonna be so different… from day after… with mum not around…” Arjun said, kinda sadly.
“um… I don’t think so. Mum hasn’t been hanging in around her much lately…” I said, sarcastically. “But we knew that wherever she is, she would come back home… but now, when she’s gone, she wont be back home… she will go back to her home… not our home… do you know what am I saying? ‘Cause I don’t!” he said… he made a gloomy face, and his eyes got wet.
My brother looked amazingly cute when he cried… I felt like kissing him, but then controlled myself. He was my brother!!!
I went up to my room, and texted Amman…
“Had an amazingly lovely day sweetie… thanks to you! But, you seemes really worried today. Something wrong?”
In less than a minute, I received a reply from him…
“Hey Suhanna… please don’t thank me… in fact, I wanna say thankyou… for that gift you gave me… :P and… no, nothing;s wrong birthday girl…”
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp!!!!
My birthday… yay!!
I was so excited that I didn’t sit in one place the whole time. I kept on windering here and there. My brother had to keep reminding me that it was just a birthday, and not a personal interview with Enrique…

BIRTHDAY… something a normal person usually awaits. However, my 17th birthday resulted in a series of events, which I had never wanted to happen, and I had never expected them anyways. After that day, celebrating birthdays held no value for me, but I still attended the birthday parties, because, I did not want to make my friends sad. However, for me, birthday was just a date that told you that you survived through another 365days. After my 17th birthday, I refused to receive any kind of gifts from anyone… on any occasion! I still remember each and every moment of that day… I can picture it all exactly without reading my journal…

My birthday eve! It was 11:59, and I was talking to Amman… it was 11:50 and 50 seconds…
“10… 9… 8… 7… 6… 5… 4… 3…. 2…. 1…. Happy birthday baby! Muuaahhh!” Amman said, on the phone… “Thankyou sweetheart…. Thanks a lot! Muuaahh!” I replied.
“Well, I guess you gonna get busy tonight… so we’ll catch each other within an hour… ?” “Yep sure!” I said, and we hung up. Before receiving any calls, I went to my brother’s room. It was dark, and he was asleep… or so I thought!
He was inside the blanket, and as soon as I removed the blanket, he had his phone with earplugs… he hung up when he saw me and was like… “Happy birthday sis!”
I hugged him, kissed him on his cheek and said… “This is how you wish birthday to your sibling. Happy birthday my idiot!” I said, sticking my tongue out.
“thanks…” he said… and I left him alone… with his Priya of course.
My phone was flooded with calls, and messages… Tamanna was the third one to wish me…with Ishu being the fourth.
At exactly 12”27, I received a message from mom: come down in the living room.
Wondering why mum would be sending me a sms instead of coming into my room, I went downstairs. Apparently, Arjun had got the same message. We went downstairs, and as I turned on the light, I saw a home-made chocolate cake on the table.
My parents loved making cake together… and this was possibly the last time they did something together.
“Happy birthday kids!” they said together, with perfect co-ordination. We cut the cake, and four of us snuggled together on that small sofa, and had the delicious dessert.
“Uh uh… that’s just not it kiddos…” my mum said.
We looked at her, and she said, there’s something your dad and I have been making since a lot of time…
She switched on the television, and a presentation appeared. As it went on, I saw snaps form our childhood, getting displayed on the large screen. I could read captions underneath. It had snaps from almost everywhere… even from the places my mum and dad didn’t know we had gone.
Surprisingly, It had snaps of Amman and Priya.
The presentation ended with my mum’s audible voice that said,
“Dear Suhanna and Arjun, I am truly sorry am going to be leaving you soon, but believe me, I really am your mother, and will stay your mother, no matter where I stay or with whom I stay… I wanted one of you to come along, but its okay, I know both of you truly care about your dad, and I am happy to see that. I am sorry for my ignorance towards both of you lately, and I just want to make it up to you. So, we have decided, that even after I move out, all four of us, you both, you dad and me, we are going to dine together… we will always remain a family. Its just that I have a second family, in which all of you are delightedly welcome. I am really sorry to break it to you that your father and I will have to sign the divorce papers tomorrow itself, considering day after to be a Sunday, but I will be moving out on Sunday morning. Both of you are free to spend your day tomorrow as you like. No restrictions, but remember, no alcohol, else your dad’s gonna commit some murders. Love you always, your mom.”

Listening to this, all the hatred that had been building up in me lately towards my mum, was devastated at once. I realized that a person could love someone unconditionally without any barriers. And that someone could be anyone… it just didn’t matter!
I hugged my mother, and then my parents asked us to go and sleep… though they both knew we weren’t going to sleep till an hour more.
But still, I went back to my room, and saw a message from Amman. I tried calling him, but he didn’t pick. He must have fallen asleep, I thought.




The next day, surprisingly, I didn’t have any plans, and I stayed home. I just rested and rested and rested. In the evening, I went out for sometime. Not out somewhere, but out in the colony. My friends and I were supposed to meet three days later.
It was at about half past seven that I came back home, and as soon as I entered, I was shocked to see all my friends at my place, and my place all set for a party.
I saw mum and dad standing in the corner, smiling at my surprised expression. I mouthed a thank you to them, and went in to greet my friends.
I enjoyed to the fullest, until I noticed all my guests had come, but the most important person was missing. Arjun’s Priya was there… but where was my Amman? I asked my parents if they had forgotten inviting him, but they said they did invite him, and he said he would be there.
Arjun was really anxious to get that cake in his mouth, and for the seven minutes in heaven game, to which my parents allowed, and left us on our own. They went to their room.
We waited till 8:30, but Amman didn’t come. Everyone insisted that we cut the cake, and I agreed.
I went in to call mom and dad out, but stopped on the door as I saw my mother packing.
“Mom… you were supposed to go tomorrow, right?”
“Uh… yes… but, Robin has fallen sick, and I will have to go right now. I cant leave him on his own, with only Ria by his side. After all, that girl is only seven, how will she be able to take care of her father? I will have to go now… and I wont come back, I I guess I’ll move in with him today itself, because its really pointless leaving him alone while he Is sick. I hope you understand…”
I just stood there… and realized that no matter how normal I wished things would become, I was not ready to share my mother… but it was too late.
“Okay…” I tried to sound practical and reasonable. “Atleast stay for five minutes… till I cut the cake…”
“I am sorry sweetie, but I cant.. Robin’s really serious, and I need to leave right now…”
I couldn’t do anything. My mother was already being shared without my permission. She was not mine anymore… and it took me such a long time to figure it out. Annoyed, I walked out of there, and entered the party again.
I was about o cut the cake, when I heard the doorbell ring…
“That has to be Amman” I said t myself, as I confidently walked towards the door.
I opened the door and was shocked to see a guy, whose age was about 21 or 22 … He looked as if he was really stressed out, and intensely tensed about something. As if, he knew something bad was about to happen, but he was helpless about it. His face gave evidence of his sadness…
“Happy birthday Suhanna!” he said… his voice was really mascular, but tensed as well.
“Er… thanks! But.. am sorry I didn’t recognize you…” I said guiltily.
“I am Rohan… Amman’s cousin… remember?” he said… trying to sound a little cheerful, but realizing that he had failed in his attempt.
“Oh… hi! Come in Rohan…” I said to him, in my most welcoming voice. In the background, I could here people applauding as Arjun cut his cake, and probably mine too…
“What a hungry bastard!” I thought to myself…
I came out of my thoughts when I heard Rohan speak.
“Actually Suhanna, I just came to give you this” he said, handing over the polybag to me. “I need to rush to the hospital.” He said, sounding really worried.
“Why? Is everything alright?” I said. I was really concerned. “And, Rohan, do you have any idea why didn’t Amman show up?”
“Suhanna, Amman’s being operated. He has tumor in hi brain.”
It took me time to digest what he had just said.
“What… are… you… saying?”
“Suhanna, Amman is suffering from brain tumor. He has his surgery today, now actually. I am surprised he didn’t tell you that….”
Rohan kept on saying something, but I didn’t care. I was just too shocked. All the voices around me seemed to disappear… and for once, I could hear nothing. All I could here was my voice saying Amman has tumor. He is being operated, mixed with Amman’s voice saying I love you Suhanna. I didn’t know what had happened all of a sudden… and I lost my conciousness. I could here nothing. Not the people, not Rohan, and not even myself, or Amman.
I blacked out, and suddenly felt safe. Maybe because I could hide from reality for a short period of time… whatever it was, it was better than facing the truth.
I don’t know how did I land up in my bedroom, but when I woke up sometime later, I was in my room. As soon as I gained my consciousness, I got up, and asked my dad to take me to the hospital. He tried to convince me that he’d take me in the morning, but I remained consistent, and he had to take me.
I reached the hospital and found that Arjun was already there, and Amman was still in the operation theatre. I went and sat beside Arjun. Rohan came to my side at once, and introduced me to Amman’s parents. No words were shared between us, and I didn’t even want to, considering our conditions. I went on taking my steps… one side to the other! But… the red bulb continued to ignite. Arjun got me a sandwich, but I made him have it. I didn’t want anything but Amman… more than anything, I wanted to speak to him. I wanted to tell him that everything would be fine. I wanted to go in there and hug him… feel his lips on mine.. and get lost in our world, but… it seemed impossible now. We waited and waited and waited… Rohan left for sometime and so did Arjun… my dad didn’t even care to inform me that he was going. Obviously he must be stressed out, his wife too, had left him.
Rohan and Arjun were back after half an hour, and both of them looked really pale. Finally, the bulb stopped giving out its hideous light, and the surgeons came out. I don’t know why, but I didn’t want to listen to what they had to say. They had just no right to make decisions about Amman’s life. They didn’t know anything. But.. obviously, I had to face the reality, whatever it was. The doctors guiltily told us that Amman was really critical, and would not survive for more than two hours. My heart went numb again, and I settled myself down on the bench. My only wish was not fulfilled. How cruel God was!
No one said anything to me for sometime. After a while, Rohan came to me and told me that Amman was conscious, and I could go and meet him. A new ray of hope was born inside me as I took the steps to his room. I opened that glass door, and saw a version of him that I had never seen before. with grips on his hand, and several monitors controlling every beat of his heart, he looked so pale and weak.. I couldn’t believe it was him. Tears automatically filled my eyes. That walk from the door to the bed was like walking down the aisle on my wedding day.. so tensed, but yet, worth it! I paced my steps and sat on the bed beside him.
He said in his week voice.. “Suhanna… I wont hide anything from you. I think you know about my condition more than I do, and you know I am not going to be here for long.” He said, moisture in his eyes.
“shh… who told you that? You are going to be here forever.. material existence does not matter… we know you’ll be here.. and that’s what matters!”
“Cut the crap Suhanna.. am not a kid and neither are you. We know what is going to happen with me.. and we better face it boldly.. I ought to apologise… aint i? I mean, I missed my princess’ birthday party… I am a terrible boyfriend… here, this is for you!” he said, handing over a small, unpacked box to me.
“Shutup! You are the best boyfriend… and thanks…” I whispered. Apparently, I was the last one to meet him, so I guess I had all the time in the world.
“thank you Suhanna. Though I knew I had a tumour, you really did make my life special even when I didn’t want to live. Thanks for giving me some preciously and amazingly beautiful memories. I love you and you are the best thing that has ever happened to me…”
I didn’t say anything… I wasn’t able to!
“Suhanna… listen to me carefully now. I want you to be strong after I go. I want you to move on in life. Just don’t get stuck with the past. What’s gone is gone… just cherish those memories… please don’t cry a single tear for me. I want you to remember me with a smile, and not with tears… please… this is my last demand… don’t ever cry for me please… move on… meet new people, fall for them… fall in love… be happy.. live your life the way you would have if I were still there… please…” he said, literally pleading me.
“Amman… you know you were my first love. I cannot love somebody else. It’s too late…”
“I was your first love… don’t make me your only love. Though don’t forget me, remember someone else as well… life goes on SUhanna.. people will come and go… both of us were really special for each other but its time for you to find the other special people in your life… and… I am really sorry for the times I have hurt you… but you know Suhanna… I am happy… I am finally going to my grandpa. I’ll finally meet him…” he said, smiling… smiling to hide his tears…
“My regards to him.” I said, and chuckled, trying to lighten he atmosphere.
“You’ll be there with me always na?” I asked him, soundling like a five year old.
“Obviously… Do you even have to ask? I mean.. cmon.. I am gonna be the prettiest, actually, correction, the handsomest and sexiest guardian angel one could ever had. And I’ll get advises too… Grandpa angel rocks..” he said, and winked at me.
I just smiled and kissed his cheek… “I love you!” both of us said together.
I heard the door opening and saw his family come in. I got up, and stood with them in the corner. Arjun went to Amman… and Amman said something like, “I owe you one dude” and they both just smiled.
Amman’s grandmom went and held his hand… there was silence. No one said anything. Words weren’t required.
“Suhanna” Amman said, and all eyes shifted on me. “Open this gift once you go home, okay? And don’t curse me please” he said, trying to crack a joke.
“Sure!” I said, and smiled partially.
There was silence again.
“god.. guys, smile.. okay? No one has killed me… I mean, I wont have a sudden death or something…” everyone made a face on the word ‘death’ but Amman didn’t care, and continued.
“see… I know whats happening, and so do you guys… smile please… I don’t want my last memory of you people in these unfriendly and ugly faces. Give me your best short, and say cheese… and please please please all of you, don’t cry okay? I wasn’t that bad now… and I wasn’t that good either… so… please save water! And take care…”
He stopped speaking and closed his eyes…
All of our hearts reached our throat. Many of us gulped.
He opened his eyes and said “I am still here…” and closed his eyes again…
But this time… he didn’t open them again…
His soul passed away as silently as it could… and I didn’t cry. Yes, I didn’t cry, because that’s the only thing he ever asked me. He had the right to this atleast.
We went home after an hour of his passing away, and the first thing I did after entering the house was opening the box.
I opened the box, and found an anklet in it. Yeah, pretty unusual, but pretty pretty…
It had small diamonds on it, and had the chain of gold. Underneath it, was a letter…
“Found it pretty, and so bought it. Hope you like it. This anklet has no significance though! Haha. Well.. Suhanna… I gotta confess something… well… I didn’t just dial any number and got your number, but I took your number from somewhere. I spied on you. Yeah, it seems impossibly silly now, but believe me, it was the most intelligent plan at that time… I saw you in your colony for the first time, when I had come there with Arjun. Yeah, Arjun and I were friends from before, and he was the one who gave me your number. And trust me, he didn’t just give me your number that easily… he did all that a good brother would have done, so don’t hit him! He told me things about you, and… I fell in love. yeah, love at first sight, or actually love at first hearing. Okay… bad joke.. I know! Well… this is what I wanted to confess… and yeah.. something more.. only for you-
IF YOU LIVED TO BE A HUNDRED, I WANT TO LIVE TO BE A HUNDRED MINUS ONE DAY SO I NEVER HAVE TO LIVE WITHOUT YOU.”

And the letter ended…

I still have the letter with me, 6 years after the incident happened. The only thing I did for two days after this day was go and hug my brother and tell him how much I love him. I am 23 years of age now, and though I have moved on, I am still not over him. I am engaged to be married, and I already have Arjun’s kids to look after too… time waits for none, and I was no exception. Amman taught me many things, like… teaching English was not a hard task… I still go to the place where he went to when he was depressed, and that kid there still recognizes me. He too, has a girlfriend… and is happy with her.
I hardly remove the anklet Amman gave me. Though I promised that I’d never cry, I still do cry sometimes. After all, even he doesn’t fulfill his promise. My guardian angel bunks his duty sometimes…. Like, on a rainy night, he is never visible in the sky… and his grandpa… my favourite man in the world.. is the pole star.. always there… no matter what!
And my father… well… he is awesome! I literally mean it… he is happy with his grandchildren and has taught Arjun’s little girl one line…
FATHER- EVERY SON’S FIRST HERO AND EVERY DAUGHTER’S FIRST LOVE.

P.S I still don’t understand why did Arjun get married at the age of twenty… well, his life!
P.P.S my mother is well too… she really likes my fiancée…
P.P.S I swear this is the last post script. Priya, Arjun’s wife, and girlfriend since the last 6 years, is Amman’s first cousin…