Her first love | Teen Ink
  1. Home
  2. Novel (Fiction)
  3. Romance
  4. Her first love

Her first love

June 2, 2011
By anotherheart1775, North Waterboro, Maine
More by this author
anotherheart1775, North Waterboro, Maine
0 articles 0 photos 0 comments
View profile

Summary:

Everything's perfect. Or is it?

Read this book
Previous book
Next book

anotherheart1775

Her first love

Post a comment
Submit your own

Similar books

Previous Next
Novels
Surrogate
By jaani-androphile BRONZE
San Diego, California
jaani-androphile BRONZE, San Diego, California
3 articles 0 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
oompa loompa doopity doo jeffrey's stirring up some chocolate for you- macabre

View profile
Novels
=Death Of A Loved One
By ShannonVictoria BRONZE
Dutch Haror, Alaska
ShannonVictoria BRONZE, Dutch Haror, Alaska
4 articles 0 photos 31 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Love takes time. Don't keep asking random people to go out with you. If you wait, God will send the right person to you. But if you don't, then you may never find the one you're destend to be with." -Shannon McConnell

View profile
Novels
Shakespeare and Horses
By I_am_Oleander
Dallas, Oregon
I_am_Oleander, Dallas, Oregon
0 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
"When sorrows come, they come not single spies, but in battalions." ---Hamlet by W. Shakespeare

View profile
Novels
Keeping Up My Rep
By LimaLuvbuhg
Iwillnotshallnot Village, Minnesota
LimaLuvbuhg, Iwillnotshallnot Village, Minnesota
0 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Favorite Quote:
============================= MY FAV. ARTISTS QUOTES/LYRICS====<br /> &quot;Reality is a lovely place but I wouldn&rsquo;t want to live there.&quot;<br /> &quot;Is it fair to say that I am stressing out?&quot;<br /> &quot;How about some speakers to amplify me?How about rhyme to fortify me?&quot;<br /> &quot;Dark out, but you still gotta light up&quot;

View profile
Novels
Teaching Happiness
By Kayly SILVER
Helena, Montana
Kayly SILVER, Helena, Montana
5 articles 0 photos 3 comments
View profile
Novels
Chaos
By Anonymous01 PLATINUM
Baldwinsvillle, New York
Anonymous01 PLATINUM, Baldwinsvillle, New York
29 articles 0 photos 63 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.&quot;<br /> -Ernest Hemingway

View profile
Novels
How I Changed
By emm88
Annaheim, Other
emm88, Annaheim, Other
0 articles 0 photos 0 comments
View profile
Novels
Just another Summer Romance
By Slugger20 BRONZE
Lindale, Texas
Slugger20 BRONZE, Lindale, Texas
1 article 0 photos 18 comments

Favorite Quote:
If you can look up, you can get up -anonomys

View profile

JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This book has 5 comments.

Pepper243 said...
on Dec. 26 2011 at 11:20 pm
Pepper243, ********************, Washington
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments
View profile
this story really portrays a mental image, and is written brilliantly! all that i can say is to add some juice to the drama, Hope is extremely sad losing the love of her life, but she is 13 and they were only going out for a couple months. So even though it may feel as if its the end of the world to her, thats normal for the day and most would get over it. I would suggest something more like 15 and dating for a couple of years. just in the rest of your writing experience to add actual depth and reality to all the emotion. Keep up the good work, though, the writting is absoulotly fabulous!!!!
orangeapple said...
on Sep. 29 2011 at 10:22 pm
this story is alot like my life story which scared me alot at first but I really like it :)
SarcasticPersonInTraining BRONZE said...
on Jun. 6 2011 at 8:50 pm
SarcasticPersonInTraining BRONZE, Woodbury, Minnesota
3 articles 0 photos 48 comments
View profile
the emotion was rly well portrayed! u do need to do some editing here and there but overall id say  a good job :) please check out my story Last Note and comment with feedbackand rate plz! :)
GBoland BRONZE said...
on Jun. 6 2011 at 3:41 pm
GBoland BRONZE, Chantilly, Virginia
1 article 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Parting is such sweet sorrow.&quot; - Shakesphere

View profile
You could make some changes, but over all I loved the outline and summary of your story... you really should continue it!
Mye.Lin SILVER said...
on Jun. 5 2011 at 12:50 pm
Mye.Lin SILVER, Toronto, Ohio
5 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Justify your existence.<br /> Create meaning&quot; -unknown

View profile

Some improvements you could make to shape your story:

1. Spelling and grammar; don't capitalize if it isn't the first word of a sentence or a proper noun

2. Some parts repeat, fix sentence structure

3. Elaborate. You don't explain why Hope loves Austin or vice-versa, or why she feels so much pain when they break up

4. It was hard to understand at times, again, spelling and grammar

5. Change perspective. it would be more effective if written in first person

6. Less overused phrases