Her first love | Teen Ink
  1. Home
  2. Novel (Fiction)
  3. Romance
  4. Her first love

Her first love

June 2, 2011
By anotherheart1775, North Waterboro, Maine
More by this author
anotherheart1775, North Waterboro, Maine
0 articles 0 photos 0 comments
View profile

Summary:

Everything's perfect. Or is it?

Read this book
Previous book
Next book

anotherheart1775

Her first love

Post a comment
Submit your own

Similar books

Previous Next
Novels
..V..
By Phatom
Grand Rapids, Ohio
Phatom, Grand Rapids, Ohio
0 articles 4 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Where everything seems possible, and nothing is what it seems"

View profile
Novels
Not Yet But Soon
By kelliejo19 GOLD
Cannon Falls, Minnesota
kelliejo19 GOLD, Cannon Falls, Minnesota
19 articles 7 photos 48 comments
View profile
Novels
Don't Need Anyone
By OfficialApprover PLATINUM
Orefield, Pennsylvania
OfficialApprover PLATINUM, Orefield, Pennsylvania
48 articles 0 photos 1752 comments

Favorite Quote:
Grab life by the balls. -Slobberknocker<br /> We cannot change the cards we&#039;re dealt just how we play the hand<br /> Experience is what you get when you didn&#039;t get what you wanted<br /> It&#039;s pretty easy to be smart when you&#039;re parroting smart people<br /> -Randy Pausch

View profile
Novels
Keeping Up My Rep
By LimaLuvbuhg
Iwillnotshallnot Village, Minnesota
LimaLuvbuhg, Iwillnotshallnot Village, Minnesota
0 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Favorite Quote:
============================= MY FAV. ARTISTS QUOTES/LYRICS====<br /> &quot;Reality is a lovely place but I wouldn&rsquo;t want to live there.&quot;<br /> &quot;Is it fair to say that I am stressing out?&quot;<br /> &quot;How about some speakers to amplify me?How about rhyme to fortify me?&quot;<br /> &quot;Dark out, but you still gotta light up&quot;

View profile
Novels
My sister's secret.
By Rissa_Lynn
Seminole, Oregon
Rissa_Lynn, Seminole, Oregon
0 articles 0 photos 0 comments
View profile
Novels
Ariy: Wherewolf and vampire?
By Margurite
Portland, Oregon
Margurite, Portland, Oregon
0 articles 0 photos 0 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;theres always Tomorrow&quot;

View profile
Novels
What it means to be alive
By MarguriteV. BRONZE
Portlnd, Oregon
MarguriteV. BRONZE, Portlnd, Oregon
1 article 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;what am i not the right kind of monster for you bella&quot;

View profile
Novels
My Vampire Love
By Jemma1011
Siparia, Other
Jemma1011, Siparia, Other
0 articles 0 photos 16 comments
View profile

JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This book has 5 comments.

Pepper243 said...
on Dec. 26 2011 at 11:20 pm
Pepper243, ********************, Washington
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments
View profile
this story really portrays a mental image, and is written brilliantly! all that i can say is to add some juice to the drama, Hope is extremely sad losing the love of her life, but she is 13 and they were only going out for a couple months. So even though it may feel as if its the end of the world to her, thats normal for the day and most would get over it. I would suggest something more like 15 and dating for a couple of years. just in the rest of your writing experience to add actual depth and reality to all the emotion. Keep up the good work, though, the writting is absoulotly fabulous!!!!
orangeapple said...
on Sep. 29 2011 at 10:22 pm
this story is alot like my life story which scared me alot at first but I really like it :)
SarcasticPersonInTraining BRONZE said...
on Jun. 6 2011 at 8:50 pm
SarcasticPersonInTraining BRONZE, Woodbury, Minnesota
3 articles 0 photos 48 comments
View profile
the emotion was rly well portrayed! u do need to do some editing here and there but overall id say  a good job :) please check out my story Last Note and comment with feedbackand rate plz! :)
GBoland BRONZE said...
on Jun. 6 2011 at 3:41 pm
GBoland BRONZE, Chantilly, Virginia
1 article 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Parting is such sweet sorrow.&quot; - Shakesphere

View profile
You could make some changes, but over all I loved the outline and summary of your story... you really should continue it!
Mye.Lin SILVER said...
on Jun. 5 2011 at 12:50 pm
Mye.Lin SILVER, Toronto, Ohio
5 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Justify your existence.<br /> Create meaning&quot; -unknown

View profile

Some improvements you could make to shape your story:

1. Spelling and grammar; don't capitalize if it isn't the first word of a sentence or a proper noun

2. Some parts repeat, fix sentence structure

3. Elaborate. You don't explain why Hope loves Austin or vice-versa, or why she feels so much pain when they break up

4. It was hard to understand at times, again, spelling and grammar

5. Change perspective. it would be more effective if written in first person

6. Less overused phrases