This is AMAZING!

I'd love to. :)

Hahahaha, I'll post another chapter soon. Probably this weekend if you wouldn't mind reading it :)

Thanks - I'm glad I could help. HAHA I'm glad it's not just me deluding myself ;) Tell me when you post more. Mine is really long so it more than makes up for this one, so if you want me to read another, or the rest of this one (if you wanted to send it over nanowrimo or something) I'd be happy too. And NO, this has nothing to do with wanting to know how this ends OR wanting to see Ridgeback. *lying through my keyboard*

Thank you so much for your feedback! It's wonderful!! I'll check out your novel this weekend. Also, Ridgeback is totally hot :) Just for the record

I really like this! The idea is great - it pulled me away from my flesh-and-ink book and kept me interested. I'm invested in the characters and dying to know how it ends. I also think you did a very good job of making the Panem world your own. This is very hard to do - kudos on that. And I'm sorry, but Ridgeback sounds really hot. Maybe that's just me, but it is impressive that you are able to make your characters real enough for people to fall in love with them.   That being said, nobody grows without criticism, and while I think this is an excellent story, I think it could stand for a couple more revision cycles. There are a few things that don't quite fit:   1. Some of the dialogue is awkward and rings a little false. To improve this, I suggest you get into the Character Development world in the Fiction Forum. The better you know your characters, the more natural their voices sound.   2. An avid HG fan myself, I was a little confused with some of the details. Why is her stylist so helpful? (I know Cinna was but the book gave you the feeling that was rare) Same with Hestia - Effie was pretty useless. Also, why are they on floor 6 if they're district 5? How can they sneak around together so easily? Why wouldn't the Careers think it's odd that the others came down early?   3. The bit about the dance was a little odd to me... The Hunger Games doesn't seem like the time people are feeling good about anything. It seems like most people would be worrying about who will live and who will betray them etc, rather than being happy that they stood up for themselves, no matter what the next day brings. Perhaps have it a little more tense? Stiff, warrior humor? Of course it's your story, it just struck me as a little odd.   4. Purely stylistically (is that a word?), I think that you can continue to improve this. Especially in the beginning, the sentences are run-on and feel a little rushed.  Also, remember to show rather than tell, and to not underestimate the reader - don't tell them things they can guess on their own. Remember, less is more - the road to h*** is paved in adjectives. ;) In general though, I think you do a good job of avoiding such things.   As I said, I really really enjoyed. Nothing is ever perfect, and I think yours is at that stage between "oh gosh why did I think it was a good idea to write this" and "this as good as I can possibly make it". Still room to improve, but very good all the same. Best of luck, and I hope to see where you go with it. Would you mind looking at my novel and giving me some feedback? To clarify, it's called Unconquerable Soul, and by "feedback" I mean "rip it apart with your bare hands and throw what's left of it at me". Really, there's no such thing as mean - I want to hear it all.