I like a true 'murican love to have an excuse to eat food, get drunk or blow stuff up. Which is why it is so hard to choose the most 'murican holiday, but my three favorite holidays are Thanksgiving, The Fourth of July and St. Patrick's Day.

   Thanksgiving is one of the most 'murican holidays. However the reason you probably think it is probably is false. Most people think it's 'murican because it celebrates the "history of the early settlers in our country" and "being grateful". While that is American it is not 'murican. It's true 'muricanity comes mainly from eating large portions of food that's not so good for us. It is even further made 'murican by what comes next. Right when everyone's done stuffing themselves they run off to oversized malls to get low prices on oversized gifts for their oversized relatives. Black Friday adds a larger sense of 'muricanity with it's commercialization to the already very 'murican tradition of overeating at Thanksgiving.

     While the themes of aggressive gluttony and capitalism of Thanksgiving and Black Friday  are essentially 'murican, St. Patrick's day brings in the fundamentally  'murican values of binge drinking and taking things to far. "St.Patricks day is Irish right?" is probably what you are asking. Well originally, yes it was a non 'murican and religious holiday, but that didn't stop us before from taking the religion out of Christmas and filling it good ol' capitalism. What was once a pure holiday we have corrupted. We color everything green to the point of obsession and what's not green already is quickly turned green by the puke of irresponsible "adults" in their early twenties. Maybe there is still some sense of Irish pride (although it's an oxymoron) attached to St.Patrick's Day, but that is eclipsed by the green shakes and green revealing clothing 'Murcia has adopted.

    And of course the Fourth of July is one of the most 'murican holidays not because of "patriotism" or "celebrating the birth of our country". No the 'muricanity of the Fourth of July comes from two things we do "better" than any other country: explosives and gloating. The fireworks on the Fourth of July are a true symbol of what makes 'murica special, loose restrictions on the possession of explosives. Still one of the most important part is that we're gloating about something that happened over 200 years ago. Yes, we won independence from Britain, but all that was a few centuries ago and we're not the only ones who have become independent of Britain.

What 'murica does amazingly is transforming a virtue associated with a holiday to the total opposite. The gratitude of a traditional Thanksgiving has become the display of commercialism and overeating of the modern Thanksgiving-Black Friday hybrid. The religious and ethnic pride of St. Patrick's day is good, but it is not 'murican. We have replaced all that with cheap alcohol and green food coloring. And of course the patriotic remembrance of our country's independence has been greatly improved with gunpowder and colored explosions...because once again history ain't 'murican.