More days than not I am sitting in a classroom trying to listen to the voices giving me instructions and all I can do is sit there and stare deeply into the desktop. I feel almost as if I am in and episode of Charlie Brown and all of the voices I hear are muffled.  There are a lot of things that people don’t know about me. People see me and they see the blue eyes, the blonde hair and an outgoing personality. However, there's way more to people than the physical features. I am a 16 year old girl who has continually struggled in a classroom environment. I have worked with countless teachers and tutors to help me better understand my learning ability and continually struggle to find the answers. Getting a great amount of support from my parents and educators has been extremely overwhelming and I feel like I can't let them down, let alone myself.

During my junior high years, I felt as if I was slipping further and further away from grade level expectation, I always wondered why the top of my tests said 5th grade level when I was in 7th grade. Everyone told me that I was just as intelligent as the other kids in my grade but I always knew deep down I still didn't grasp things as quickly as my peers did. During my junior high years I felt as if I did as best as I could but with high school just around the corner I knew that my biggest challenge had yet to come.

Entering the halls of Maine South High School the pressure of being a freshman, making new friends, learning my way around the school and fitting in was overwhelming in itself, let alone masking my unknown learning disability. Freshman year I was yet again placed in lower level classes that I felt as if I have been repeating since 5th grade yet I still wasn't grasping the material. I vividly remember during the middle of freshman year I had a meeting with all my resource teachers and parents and I suggested that I get pulled out of my reading class because I have been in one since 4th grade and it clearly wasn’t helping me grow in any way. I continued to watch my friends thrive during their high school years and telling me how much easier it has been compared to junior high when in fact it was the complete opposite for me. Nightly course of doing my homework that should only take maybe an hour took me almost three hours due to my procrastination, excuses and arguing with my parents about not getting my work done. Once I finally brought myself to start completing work assignments, I realized that it was doable but still took me more time than the average grade level student.

As time has passed, now in my Junior year here at Maine South High School sitting at a round table during my IEP which is a  meeting during the fall time with my mom and case manager and we talk about concerns from the year and go over my accommodations in the classroom, it had been suggested that I get an independent review from a doctor for a potential diagnosis that might be contributing to my learning disability. When I got home that night and sat down at dinner with my parents we talked about the meeting that happened earlier that day. There were a roller coaster of emotions that went through my head, I was embarrassed, nervous but also pretty curious,  yet my parents continued to support me and told me that everything would be okay. I didn't believe them, I didn’t think it would be possible to find an answer on why school never came easier for me.  All I did was talk in a negative way about the situation but deep down I truly did want to meet with a doctor and see if there was any truth to what I had been feeling all along. My mom reached out to the local psychologist and scheduled an appointment.

It was a sunny Saturday morning, the day to meet my new doctor. There were a million other things that I would rather have been doing and endless excuses on why I didn't feel like going. I sat in a chair and my mom was sitting next to me and the doctor made me feel very welcomed and at ease right away. After numerous questions and lengthy discussion she had suggested that we set up a second appointment for an online focusing test. My mom and I agreed so we made an appointment to come back a week later for the test.

It was a sunny Saturday morning, a week later, only this time I was looking forward to meeting with the doctor and picking up where we left off a week prior. The doctor asked me a few questions then we went straight to the computer lab for the online testing. The doctor told me that I would have the online test results back within a few days. For the first time ever I was looking forward to receiving my test results. News came a week later so we went back to the office and sat down to review the results of the online test. After years of frustration and tears, I didn't know how to express my emotions that finally all the pieces to the puzzle were starting to connect. The doctor proceeded to share with my parents and I that my learning disability is related to Attention Deficit Disorder. Now knowing that I have an actual learning disability I learned not to fight it but  look at it in a positive way rather than negative.

With unconditional continued support from family and friends I now have new resources that help me cope and face the struggles that were once in the way of my learning. I continue to prove to myself and others that I will finish my junior year strong and proud of my accomplishments and I can say confidently I am looking forward to returning to high school for my senior year. I’m so thankful to have the resources to help with the struggle or else I wouldn’t even be able to sit here and write this paper in one sitting like I just did.