I always believe I have a chance. In reality I don’t.  I know I am in a bad situation, but deep down I believe I can make it right.  Trying over and over to make every situation turn out happy.  It’s like I can’t stand if ends up sad or if anyone ends up hurting.  I want everyone to be happy to the point where I am more worried about everyone else than myself.

Lying on the couch with a big fuzzy blanket, Rocky 4 played loudly in the dark room. With my head resting on his chest, I could hear his heart pounding. I lay there studying his heartbeat. Boom, boom, bum. Listening quietly to each thudding beat, I grew even more nervous.  We quietly lay there with no movement until suddenly I dozed off to asleep.  I woke up with his strong arms tightly wrapped around my body.  Then I realized I had to take him home.

Making it out the door, outside appeared to be bitter and dark.  We made our way towards my car when he stopped me with a gentle tug at the arm.  With a little bit of light from the white LED light, I could see his defined side profile. He just gazed at me with his glossy bronze-like eyes.  It felt like time stopped, and it seemed like we were only two people on earth.  My stomach started to twist and turn like a rollercoaster. I fiddled with my fingers while examining his facial features from his fluffy charcoal hair to his sharp chiseled jawline. I stood still; I didn’t know what would occur or what his intentions would lead to. Standing there with no movement, my face warmed as red as a ruby. In my head I thought, ‘This isn’t a guy I want to be involved with, but then again you want to experiment and find out for yourself.’   He looked at me with a crooked smirk that slightly showed his perfectly straight teeth. He leaned closer while he gripped my waist. I could feel the pressure of each one of his fingers pulling me towards him. My heart started to beat out of my chest with every inch he moved closer. I thought of pushing, him away to stop my nerves. I said in my head, ‘I have been talking to this boy for a year.’  I stopped him, and I sternly exclaimed, “You better not switch up!”

When he muttered, “I promise I won’t,” I shouldn’t have believed that he wanted me. I shouldn’t have believed him. He was so close that I could smell his faint cologne.  Finally, with no hesitation, I let him kiss me. His soft lips slowly pressed against mine. Our movements were slow and gentle.  The butterflies in my stomach faded away, and all the weight was lifted.  I felt as light as a piece of paper.  If he would let go of me, I was sure I would float away in the wind.  Then suddenly it stopped. We both pulled away from each other.

We piled in my gold Sebring convertible, and I drove him home. The roads were bare; there was not a single car driving.  I wasn’t in a rush, so we cruised steadily.   It was all bumpy back roads, so it was nice and quiet.  We talked about anything and everything, telling each other about old relationships, family, and funny stories. 
We inched towards his house. His house had a dim yellow house light on the side.  I pulled up into his broken cement drive way and put the car in park. It was pitch dark with only a little light from his house light. Sitting in the dark, we were so quiet we could hear the frogs croaking.  I asked him if he had fun watching movies and dealing with my insane family.  He smiled with a little giggle and nodded yes.  In that moment happened again. He stared at me with a little smile on his face.  I didn’t seem nervous this time around. I asked him why he was looking at me.  With no movement he asked, “Will you go out with me?”  I couldn’t help but grab and kiss him, which was weird because kissing is actually slimy and gross. Also, I’m not that kind of person.  I don’t like the cheesy romance stories that get girls hopes up.  However, for some reason I just couldn’t help it.  I stopped, and he asked, “Was that a yes?” 

I excitedly shouted back, “Yes, of course.” I felt so head over heels to have my first boyfriend.  Being sixteen years old and finally having a boyfriend made me emotional.  It didn’t help that I am a teenage girl with all the emotional problems to begin with.  Little did I know that I was getting my hopes up for nothing.

As time went on, I went from being happy to feeling like a bother.  He wouldn’t want to hang, and we never talked, he just stopped caring; it seemed like.  A couple days later he messaged my phone telling me, “I don’t think this is going to work.”  My heart felt like it dropped to my feet. Not only did I finally have my first boyfriend, but the relationship only lasted six days.  Even though it was over in a text, I was still embarrassed.  My face grew pink from embarrassment. It felt like someone piled bricks one after another right on my chest.   I then asked him over and over, “Why didn’t it work out?”

He let out in a quiet voice, “I don’t even know.”   I never received an explanation of why he broke up with me, so I was upset all the time.  People would yell, “Get over it. You only dated for six days” or “You could only keep a guy around for six days? Wow!”  I felt choked up when people made those comments.  The breakup took a toll on me especially with everyone saying that I’m too annoying for a guy to stay.  These comments and opinions of others would really get to me. I wouldn’t sleep, and I would just stay up crying all night long.  When people asked me if I were okay, I would hide the truth and act like I didn’t care one bit.  I realize it was only six days, but I talked to this boy for a whole year.  I didn’t talk to any others guys at all.  Overtime, I would get over it, but he still texts me, “Come over” or “I still have feelings for you.”  I always believe that I have a chance. In reality, I don’t.